Big dick. Little dick.

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Yes, this post is about big dicks and little dicks of the physical kind.

Do not read on if you don’t like sex and Pecker talk! ha!

How many times do you hear people say “the size doesn’t matter, it’s what he does with it that counts!”

BAHAHAH! Really?! You want a guy with a GINORMOUS penis trying to fit it inside you?!

No, really? Well, we know Cass doesn’t 😉

In a previous house share I had a house-mate (still, great friend of mine who you have met before – Minx) whose job involves penises  (penii or penes, whatever your preference).

A LOT of them…

Naturally when she would first start chatting to guys they’d ask what she does for work and inevitably they would talk about their Little Soldier and all their Joystick related issues.

She would then receive all manner of photographs of the Male Member. One evening – I was getting ready to go out on a date and I heard her gasp and laugh, and stifle it, and then call us girls.

I have NEVER seen anything like it. It literally, was like a 3rd leg.

Our mouths dropped open in astonishment as she showed us a photo of his flaccid penis draped over his thigh.

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Honestly I have no idea how his – let’s call it Godzilla – could have made it into any woman’s lady garden unless of course she was crowned queen Vagasaurus.

Of course, we felt bad for him. You could even see the outline – sorry, gigantic bulge – in his normal photos. I wonder if he has ever managed to experience the ecstasy of climax from penetrative sex…

Personally, I have not experienced a penis on this level of BIG and I’m not sure how I’d react if I was ever faced with one. I would at least try not to laugh nervously… Try.

I have however, experienced the tiny ones. Their Lil’ Buddy.  The Lion was one. Seemingly perfect in every other way (except for having time!! haha!) … sigh. Such a waste.

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What must it be like if you are head over heels in love with someone and then discover they have such a teeny tiny Love Stick that you begin to wonder if you have the most vacuous vagina in the world?! How could you imagine spending your life having sex with that person.

Ok, ok he can go down on you, but to not feel anything going on down there… I don’t know.

I said I’d tell you about the Aussie.

  • Fairly short – as in when I wear heels we’re the same height, so I feel like a giant instead of a fairy.
  • No big biceps to hold onto me tight.
  • No broad shoulders to make me feel protected.
  • No sense of ambition in life.

I won’t go on… but all in all, not my ideal of attractive.

But, I’m being more open minded. We get on, get each other’s sense of humour, he’s done some pretty nice things for me when I was having a tough time, and he stroked my back! Yes, without even asking once, he did one of the things I love the most in the world. Stroked my back. Ahhhhh….

And then, he kissed my neck… ai ai ai… nothing can stop me now. Well, that’s what went on in my head at the time anyway.

Oh, and the kissing. You know when you just click with someone and the kissing is AMAZING and sends you into the stratosphere?! It was like that (I hope you’ve been kissed like that before. If not, dump whoever you’re with and go find that! JK)

But, and there is a big – or rather, a little but – he definitely does NOT have an Anaconda. I was like ‘Has it started yet? hmmm… Are you actually doing anything..?’ (no, not out loud!)

Oh no! How could it be?!

Suffice to say, this didn’t last long.

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There was some other stuff that wasn’t ok. It wasn’t just the small dick. I’m not that shallow 😉

Rewind to Christmas time. I’d been dating an ex-pro footballer. Yes, I know!!

He wasn’t premier league or anything so no mansion in Cheshire for me! But there is a Wikipedia page about him and there are newspaper articles about him – and no, I’m not going to tell you who it is.

Super kind. Super interested. Made so much time for me. And he was HOT. Like on fire hot. Exactly the kind of guy I would look at and instantly think “oh yes, I’d have him” (I know you do that too!)

GREAT sized Torpedo – perhaps my favourite name so far. Good length and girth.

It was perfect. NOT long and pokey like the Californian non-committal-I-don’t-want-to-put-a-label-on-this-relationship-non-relationship guy I was dating the previous Christmas (both took me to Winter Wonderland which I LOVED!)

Sex with the Footballer was amazing, always. Well, two hotties together… – JK! We just ‘fit’ well together.

As kind, caring, smoking hot and interested as he was, his lack of ambition just killed it for me.

He had so much going for him, but now too old to continue at that professional level he didn’t have any ambition. Perhaps starting a kids football coaching academy, so I tried to encourage him in that. Nothing materialised. He worked in a factory.

Not very long ago he contacted me again and I asked if he’d made any progress on the business. Alas, he was still in the factory.

Oh, but he’s so hot… and we fit so well together… *dreaming*

I just can’t sustain a relationship with someone who will settle for something that is less than who they are. It’s uninspiring and ultimately boring. Harsh, I know.

So, the treasure hunt for the perfect guy for me continues.

What do you think about the size of the shaft?

 

 

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A SingleMAN dating

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imageI recently received this message on Facebook from a guy I chatted to quite a lot but never met ages ago online.  Yeah he ghosted me!

Anyway he has given me complete permission to share this with you as long as it remains anonymous … It’s a great read, and for us #singlegirlsdating it’s a great insight into the other side… Enjoy and thank you my old friend ❤️

“Hey Cass. How’s life? Love your blog but I recon you’ll get waaaay more traction if you girls do a vlog. I wrote a piece on online dating for a book last year. Thought you might enjoy reading. Feel free to use what you what but keep me anonymous please…

Pick up my phone – check my messages – read my emails – look at social media – enter the love/hate world of tinder – masturbate.
That was my daily ritual before and after sleep for the past year.

I’m a fairly successful, fun and adventurous 39 year old man who loves his family and friends more than life itself but I have a secret…I’m a Tinder addict.

Coming out of a long-term relationship and living on the Gold Coast, my good mate told me I HAVE to go on Tinder to meet some women and have some fun…so I did. I uploaded my favorite pics and wrote some facts that I thought would interest the opposite gender. “Ok, let’s do this”, I told myself.

What initially amazed me was the sheer number of stunning girls on there. Now I’m not the fittest or best looking guy in the world but it didn’t take me long to start matching and spark up conversations.

First date: I had literally been out of the game, and the country for many a long year so I suggested that my date chose the spot. So off I go…I arrive, it’s packed, I find her sitting next to another guy, from the site, and it’s inside a strip club. WTF??? Is this what people actually do on first dates these days? The other guy was freaked out as much as me and it didn’t take us long to work out that she wanted a threesome, and she was bi as she kept getting lap dances for herself.

imageThe following 3 months resulted in more dates than I can remember and $19,000 spent on restaurants, drinks, hotels, gifts and getaways. I know, I know…don’t tell me. It was ballistic but true and a whole lot of fun. I was like a kid in a candy store, however things needed to be toned down as it was taking over my life. I can’t tell you how much that $19k would come in handy now but you can’t live with regrets, hey.

Sex: I’m not going to tell you how many women I’ve slept with since joining Tinder because it’s no one else’s business, but the ages range from 18 – 55 (she was 35 on her profile) and without sounding like a tool, I’ve experienced the delights from New Zealand, UK, Canada, USA, Sweden, Denmark, Switzerland, South Africa, Norway, Holland, Spain, Russia, Poland, Brazil, France and of course Australia. And in case you’re wondering, I’m disease free.

imageMaybe 40% of the women on Tinder will write something about themselves on their profile. I’d say 50% of those will state: not here for one nighters or hookups. Of those, over 80% will have sex on the first date. It’s an interesting psychology and I often wonder if they write that so their friends and potential dates don’t assume they’re a slut. I actually hate that word because if you think about it, couples in a relationship will, or at least can have sex everyday. Women that are single and love sex deserve the right to fulfil their needs without scrutiny from others or be labeled with a deplorable word. Entering the fantasy zone with their middle digits or favorite battery charged friend is no doubt pleasant but it can’t compare to the real thing, right?!

I’ve been fortunate enough to meet some truly amazing women on Tinder, including three that I keep in touch with regularly and now consider good friends. Two just didn’t workout and the other is simply not in the country. However, I would swap all the girls on there for just one that I share a strong connection with and call my girlfriend. So that annoying red flame on the tinder app lures me in like a hit for a drug addict, hoping I’ll find my special woman.

Sydney = Next Level: I remember the first time I flew down to Sydney, checking out the view from the cab and the talent on tinder. It literally blew my mind. Absolute glamours, swipe after swipe. Back home I’d be lucky if I got 1 match to every 30 right swipes but in Sydney…OMFG, I was on at least a 90% strike rate.

By the time I arrived at my hotel about 30mins from the airport, I had about 15 matches and when I woke up the next day, I saw the app had 73 matches and messages. That was simply freakish so I had to screenshot my phone and send it to my best mate. I don’t know if there is a severe drought of men in Sydney but there’s clearly a fierce competition going on. It’s like a role reversal and unlike any other city because the women in Sydney normally message first and ask you to meet.

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So Tinder you little rascal…you’ve given me an emotional roller coaster but it’s time we part ways. You’ve transformed the dating game and injected the economy throughout the planet, especially in restaurants, bars and leisure activities, so well done you for that. I can’t be sure that our paths won’t cross in the future but I really, really, reeeeeeally hope that we never meet again”