Jessica’s Naked Experiment

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You know when it’s going really well with a guy, but it hasn’t been very long and you don’t want to admit to anyone that you actually really like this one, because that will jinx it and he’ll never speak to you again…?

It’s now the end of January which means I’ve known The Shy One for about a month and as I write that I’m surprised at how little time has passed.

This is happening to me: I don’t want to tell anyone that things are good because you know, when you do, that’s when it all goes wrong. (Why am I writing this again?!)

I was just catching up with my sister and she asked me how things were going with him. “Interesting what a great guy he is – so far! – especially considering how we met!”

 

This needs an explanation: Over Christmas I decided to have a bit of fun and conduct an experiment – I must admit I was doing it to try to get material to write for this blog! I’ve often changed dating profiles to see what difference it makes and the different types of guys I attract. But this was something I’ve not done before and even went to the extreme of creating a fake Facebook profile with a fake name…why, you ask?! (well the FB thing because you have to connect it to Tinder to create an account.) But the fake name because…

I posted one photo on my new Tinder profile: A naked one.

My face was not there and it was just the back of my body, but I was naked and I was Jessica.

I wrote a full profile mostly stating what I was looking for and what I most definitely wasn’t looking for and then I got swiping.

I swiped and swiped… left, left, left… on and on. Occasionally (very occasionally) I swiped right. Only for men who I was really attracted to. No point wasting your time on ‘maybes’ or the ones that look ok in one pic but you’re not sure in the others, or they’re wearing sunglasses in every shot but their body is incredible…No. Just no.

One of the first guys who wrote to me ended up telling me to get over myself! He had asked me why he should bother putting in any hard work if he can’t see my face or doesn’t know my real name, to which I said, “You don’t have to. It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth it or not and if you don’t think it is, just un-match me.”

One down.

I only had one other ‘bad’ reaction: a guy who just wanted sex. I’d clearly stated that I wasn’t looking for hook ups so he was out (but if I had been, he most definitely would have been in!)

That left several promising matches and I made my profile private after just one day so no one else would see me and I could focus on those guys who did get in touch.

Most of them asked me straight away for a photo of my face but I replied that I wanted to wait to see if there was a connection first and asked if they were ok with that. They all said yes!

There was one who didn’t ask for quite a long time which of course stood out, and I loved the way he asked: “So if we were to walk past each other in the street how would I know if was you?”

I never ended up meeting him despite having great conversation. I think he still had hang ups from an ex even though he said he was over that. Realistically he also lives too far away. Onwards.

The second question was almost always ‘who took the photo?’ Have they never heard of a timer…?

I had the best conversations with these guys. I asked direct questions and they all gave direct and seemingly very honest answers. Perhaps because they could’t see my face it was less of a big deal to reveal truths. Or maybe I’m reading too much into it.

It was really interesting and all but that one told me they were ultimately looking for a woman to settle down with (of course we know they might have been lying, but I didn’t feel they were – they had no reason to.) We talked about a fair amount before it felt like a natural point to tell them my name is actually Naomi and then ask for their number to send them the face pics.

They mostly thought about what it meant for them to not know what my face looked like, but when it came to exchanging numbers that’s where the risk was all mine:  They knew I was attracted to them, but I didn’t know if they would see my face and like it, or see it and decide never to talk to me again! As it happens everyone was polite 😉

One guy wanted to meet up without having seen my face at all – like a one-sided blind date! He was hot and we had good chat but when he tried to call and I didn’t answer or even see his call  due to having no signal where I was over Christmas he got weird and that is a BIG turn off. No. Just no, don’t get whiney with me.

In the end I went out with 2 of the guys: One is a fireman and the other is The Shy One.

He is not the kind of guy I generally go for being shy. I’d normally go for the confident, bordering on arrogant guy – the kind of guy I grow to dislike, the kind of guy who makes every day an unknown quantity: will he be madly in love (lust) with me or will he not talk to me…? I don’t have that with The Shy One. He’s consistent. He’s caring. He’s responsible. He doesn’t want to “get it wrong”. He wants to know what I want to do and what I like. He wants to know I’m ok and he’s got these gorgeous eyes that hold my attention…

It feels like much longer than a month. But it has only been 1 month – December 30th was the day we first met although we’d been talking a fair bit before that.

I think I might have found one of the good ones who haven’t yet been snapped up… Well, finger’s crossed anyway!

The thing is, I’ve realised over the years that as women – bear with me on my massive generalisation here – we tend to think that every guy we start dating is right for us, so we worry about whether or not he likes us. Whereas actually what we need to do is enjoy the time we spend together and work out whether he is someone that we like and whether or not he is the type of guy who enhances our life.

Perhaps because I’ve been through marriage and divorce already I’m less willing to settle, and much more aware of what I want and what I don’t want in a relationship – not that a person is ‘bad’ or ‘good’, but that everyone is their own person, and the discovery is whether or not you make a great team, and if you don’t there is not much point trying to force it. The sooner you let go, the sooner you are open to finding someone who may just be the one who does enhance your life instead of dragging you down and sapping your energy (you know if I’m talking to you right now!)

The Shy One is discovering who I am and I’m discovering who he is. If one of us realises we’re not good for each other that will be ok… but for now it’s Jamie Oliver’s Cookery School and other date nights for us!

Hoping we all find love in 2017… because it would just be nice to have it 🙂

 

(Single)Naomi x

p.s. Yes, one guy sent me that gif !! haha

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The ‘picker’

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Meanwhile back in Brisbane …

Why do I do this to myself? Why am I far too nice and why do I agree to meet guys I just know are not compatible? I feel bad and sometimes I go ‘OK’ way too easily and next thing I’m stuck in a cafe with Mister ‘Gahhhh’ unable to leave without being rude.

I thought about it and realised #warningtopotentialmen that Friday night is my ‘Gahhh whatever’ night. You see, I have a  Zumba class I teach on Friday nights in the city. It’s finished at 6pm and I usually wander around after and have something to eat. I love Brisbane City especially at night. It’s safe and full of life and it is very pretty. It’s lovely just walking around and being surprised by amazing buskers lining the mall in set spots and people watching, wondering who people are and why they are there… After work? Locals out for night shopping? Tourists? I love it!

I chatted to M on tinder and I think I found him to be one of those people who flick my switch! No not ‘that’ button… The ‘you are irritating’ button. He was nice enough then said some things that were strange. He seemed to have a thing about people cheating and asked if I was a flirt. Before I answered he told me not to lie because he can pick BS a mile away. Really? Assuming I lie already? So I told him I think I am. I then said but not in a sexual way. I enjoy flirtatious fun. I like being cheeky and having fun with people to hopefully make them feel good and smile. I often walk past a woman I don’t know and tell her something i noticed like ‘your hair looks really lovely’ or ‘you look so pretty in that dress’. I love the way they smile and instantly their confidence picks up. I call that flirting in a friendly way. So yes, when he asked directly do I flirt I said yes.

He didn’t like that and when I explained similar to above he text that he thinks I’m now trying to dig my way out of a hole. Right…. But I’m not in one in my eyes. I thought we were having a text conversation not a war!

imageThat aside, he asked to meet me and for my phone number. He didn’t communicate too much after that and I have a theory on this I’ll share a other time. We arranged Friday night. So back to my Friday night thing…any guy I’ve met Friday nights were duds. I also think I knew this when suggesting Friday night. I’m there, it’s not personal space as it’s not near my home at all, I can do my class then just change and meet. Do I shower and make effort? Maybe or maybe not!!! How about a beanie cause it’s cold that’s actually a beanie so I don’t have to do my hair!!! Yeah that happened! Hate me if you will.

He sent me the weirdest text… Ok not THE weirdest but it’s up there!

Later on….. Let’s play a game.

I’ll tell you a secret if you tell me a secret and your not allowed to ask any questions about that secret😊

I read it a few times with a frown on my face trying to work out WTF it meant! So you tell me something personal (when I don’t know you) and want me to tell you something personal but then we can’t talk about it?? WHY???

I replied ‘That’s weird’

His reply and let’s try to ignore the grammar issues

Your telling me!!!!

LJ my mate made me do it. I knew it!!! I didn’t want to

Anyway that was weird

I was as at the gym ready for zumba class and greeting the ladies. Viv is one of my gorgeous ‘stalkers’ (said in a very fun positive way!) she is always in classes I take in that area, loves zumba and loves my style of class. We have also developed a lovely friendship I cherish. She loves her weekly updates on guys I’ve met and is a fantastic co-eye roller!!! Whilst sitting with her I get a text saying

Looking forward to meeting you. Be yourself and have fun😊

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Really??? This is a soccer team and we are in year four? You need to give me a pre game pep talk? Dude… I’m always myself.

Anyway, great zumba class then I had clothes and make up and hair styling tools and 45 minutes to get ready. What did I do instead? Sat with Viv and enjoyed an awesome chat about her man and his ex and the interesting life they have both had together. Personal challenges and real life. I loved it. I had about 20 minutes left to get ready so Viv came into the bathroom with me to continue chatting … It’s a girl thing!!

I changed my sweaty underwear and freshened up some girl bits at the basin. It’s winter here so sweaty clothes are not a good idea in night air. I threw on some jeans, warm top, boots and had a warm jacket. Makeup… Haha just a touch up no effort… Oh come on, I’m just booootifull naturally! Hahahaha well let’s just say I did minimal.

Now this is something girls will understand. I had access to hair dryers and straighteners. What did I do? Nothing!!! I had wet messy hair as its curly and I straighten it and it gets wet from sweat again! I put on a beanie!

Seriously, I really didn’t try hard at all. Then I went down stairs. I had some spare time so I went and booked flights to America! As you do right?? I text him and he was late anyway so all good.

As soon as I saw him I knew there was absolutely no chance of attraction. Not my style. We walk different paths. I know you can always dress a man who has no idea regarding fashion but it says a lot about interests and style of a person. I’m no high-fashion girl but I do stay modern and dress nicely. You can look great with minimal effort and expense if you care about that sort of thing. Let’s say that he looked like where he lived. He also looked older than his age but told me how all his workmates think he is younger … Hmmm maybe being polite? Not a fitness person but that’s no deal breaker.

I ask if he has eaten and he said yes but he could eat again. I asked if he wanted to though. He said he didn’t mind. Ok another point here.. I want a man who is decisive and assertive or at least smart enough to realise I am hungry and makes an effort to sort that out. We went to the restaurant right there as I know they have tapas which makes things easy.

I order three small plates and water and he has a large cider. We talk and one of the first things he asks is why don’t I have nicer photos on my tinder profile? Long story short… He saw my Facebook come up as a suggested friend (happens based on having someone’s phone number) so he looked around (ok we all do it but to TELL someone you stalked their Facebook???). Anyway he said I had way better photos on my FB than on tinder. Hmmm kinda rude and insulting. I let it slide … Moving on …

He tells me that I ‘don’t mind to eat food do I?’ Ahhhh … That’s why we ordered food… To eat … And I’m hungry …. Food is a good thing to eat to stay alive? Moving on….

The Broncos (NRL football) were playing and there was a screen above his head that I was sneaking looks at. It became difficult to not noticeably take interest in it as the Broncos were getting smashed!!! That wasn’t hard either as his conversation was not interesting although I did my best to remain interested.

He asked some detailed questions and I answered them… Any siblings, where my parents live. Are they still together. Then he said did I have some questions for him? I said not really as I prefer to just have conversations and the things we want to say just naturally come out.

I am a people watcher. I find it is more common for me to notice things because I’m always sober. I’m always on the same level of mindset and being a ‘single girl dating’, very aware of my surroundings. I noticed a couple walking by. He was tall, well dressed, looked like he was averagely fit. She was very short, terribly dressed and very large. Good on them holding hands off to some social engagement together and seemed happy but how did they meet? Yes this can seem judgmental but seriously, how did that happen? Not saying it cannot I’m just wondering what brought them together because society says otherwise. Does he like larger short girls? Does she like standing on stools to kiss him?

So I said ‘Oooh look at that Interesting couple!’
He said ‘You like people watching don’t you?’ I said ‘Yes I find it fascinating coming up with ideas on where people come from and why they are here at this moment and how people met.’
He said ‘You think they shouldn’t be together don’t you?’
I said ‘I never said that.’
He said ‘Yes you did’ (by the way he was agreeing)
I said ‘No… If you remember the word I used was ‘interesting’ and you chose to assume the negative when I was not being negative at all just inquisitive.’
He then said ‘You are particular with words aren’t you?’
I said ‘Yes I believe words are very important. It isn’t what a person says bit the words they choose to say it with that tells the story.’

Next was asking if I had lived overseas. I asked why did he ask that and he said because I sound like I have an accent. I asked what accent do I have and he said he doesn’t know yet. Hmmm ok…. I then said what do I sound like and he said well not like a typical Aussie and certainly not a bogan. Right…. Ok then! OMG. I told him I do a lot of public speaking, especially during the instructor trainings overseas and I enjoy proper English language so possibly, I speak clearly and with good pronunciation … Actually slower and more clearly when overseas. He said yes. Geez!!! I sound strange because I don’t speak too lazily… Just another pick at me I was getting less surprised by each time.

He asks if I mind him ordering another drink. OMG I DO!!! So I politely say of course not. He orders another giant cider and I add another half hour of punishment… Glad I could see the football behind him! Oooh close up of Corey Parker my husband crush. Such a sexy man!!!  #shamelesseyecandy image

He also says that he thinks people who don’t ask questions are not people who are interested in other people’s lives. Ahh I see… Another ‘pick at Cass’ moment. I pause and take a breath. I reply that I don’t think that at all and as mentioned earlier, great conversations naturally fall into information being shared without questions. I don’t feel like I know you well enough for example, to be asking you a range of personal questions and feeling like I’m interrogating you. If you feel comfortable to share things you will, and I have learnt many things about you. (Like your negativity and constant need to pick at me and put me down which I am politely overlooking)

He then said ‘you don’t react to much do you?’
I questioned this
He continued ‘Well I have said some things that could have made you upset and you didn’t notice’.
I let out a cheeky laugh and looked at him all
Cute as I pointed to my head and said ‘oh no, it’s all being stored in here and I notice everything actually’

He said ‘Do you know that when you talk you use your face a lot and your eye does this weird thing? It’s funny’. As he chuckled to himself.
I said that I hope so because I use my face a lot when communicating when on stage and when doing my best to make people feel comfortable and relaxed. Plus that I was glad my “Botox” isn’t overdone (shout out to my injection magician Emma Taylor #injexclinics) Ha!!! Yeah guy..I get anti wrinkle injections and I love them!!!!

ANYTHING ELSE you want to pick at? Let’s be honest here. In the looks department if we want to be picky, he was falling way behind so why he felt he had a right to pick at me continually I do not know!!! To make him feel bigger?

He needed to use the bathroom so I used it as a ‘let’s take off’ (separately) point. As we walked to the cashier I got out my wallet. As soon as we stopped he said ‘So we will go halves yeah?’
I said ‘sure’ as I shook my head as rolled my eyes to myself
The waitress let us know there was a surcharge using cards. I had cash but he didn’t. No way he was going to pay for it all. I could have given him cash but Nooo. So I said it’s ok, just halve it and I’ll pay the extra!! That’s what we did. He needed exactly half!!

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I asked him where he parked and he said he wasn’t sure but took photos so he could find it again. We walked down the mall and I was off first to my usual spot and said ‘give me a hug’ to be nice and I left so relived! I would have run of he couldn’t see me!

In the morning I got the following texts

You wouldn’t believe what happened to me last night.

On the way back to my car I realised I forgot which carpark I parked in lol. Spent 2:30hrs looking for it and still can’t find it😜😜😜. I had to catch a cab home. About to have another look today. I even have the ticket and rang the number and they can’t help me. No one can find my car!!!!

He had told me at our amazing meeting that he knows when I read his texts because we both have IM so I didn’t want to ignore him although I really didn’t know what to say! My reply

‘Wow’

His next text

But on another note. The ball is in your court. I had a good think about it (while searching for a car). I like the way your mind works, really interesting.

It’s up to you whether you want to catch up again. If not, it was one of the most pleasant dates I’ve had.

Seriously???

imageLet’s break this down…
You are not physically attractive, we have little in common that this would make more attractive. If we dated you would continually pick at me and put me down. You would put words into my mouth I did not use. You are not a gentleman or a provider being ‘the man’ and taking care of things. You told me to pay half and that included your giant ciders when I don’t drink at all… If we are being specific. I was happy to pay but maybe on my suggestion or offer? I would rather pay the whole lot than be told to pay half by you! Then you can’t even find your car so how could you ever look after me? I wouldn’t tell a woman that car story at least not straight away. Down the track it might be hilarious but at that point … Embarrassingly unattractive and what a dick!!

Why did I agree to meet him? No more. But he made for some good blog material and hopefully makes other men out there feel great about themselves!

Oh my response to him

Thank you ‘Name’
There’s not much point us continuing to communicate
Hope the car was found

Eye roll
Eye roll
Eye roll
Followed of course by a Watsap conversation with Naomi and some more eye rolling

Dear males… Get your shit together
❤️ Cass

Eyes Guy #2

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imageMeanwhile …. The Eyes Guy story continues …

See Eyes Guys Intro for the start of the story

This story will more than likely have a number of editions
It has a lot of bends in the road we drive down over a long time
Some of those bends are a little too sharp and unpredictable to follow.

There are parts that may hit a raw wound with some readers and for those who know this story all I ask is that you understand that this is MY story to share. Is it all real and is it unaffected by creative licence? Is your version different to mine …. Maybe. We all take things in our own way to rationalise and process. We have our own opinions and feelings. Life, relationships, feelings … They are all open to interpretation and. Those who know me also know there is no malice within me and never would I aim to hurt another person.

And so it continues…

Less than two weeks after Eyes Guys and I met we were no longer talking. I don’t ever fall so much so fast for anyone.

(Haha just ask the frustrated single guys dating!!)

This was different though. I wanted to talk more, know more, kiss more. I was sucked in. I knew nothing about him but felt like I knew him without words. I knew nothing about his life until this point and I didn’t care about who what or why. A past is what makes you who you are but your personal past is yours not mine. If you choose to share information about it with me then that’s great but I value who a person is now. Who I see them to be. I don’t judge a person on their past unless it affects the present negatively and that includes me.

I was devastated and had no idea what happened. It all happened so fast and I just sat there shocked as I heard the words ‘I don’t want to see you again’. It had something to do with his past and someone or some people in it. Anyway, I couldn’t ask and I couldn’t do anything to change the outcome. I tried to call to talk to him but he didn’t take my call. I sent a text but it wasn’t answered. I accepted it and that was that.

A few months later I sent him a text and said

I really liked the person I saw you to be and I would like to think we could be friends. How would you feel about having a coffee one day?

He replied and said he would like that
I needed to go teach classes in Asia and said when I get back I’ll be in touch to organise something.

When I returned a few weeks later I had some tickets to the Brisbane Show we call the Ekka and asked him when the last time was that he went on rides and acted like a kid. We organised to go together.

It was nice to see him again. As you have learnt, I’m able to separate my emotions and accept when things change and how people feel about that. We were two nice people hanging out and laughing and having fun for the day.

We walked over to the show and chatted and I took him to one of the performances I was really interested to see which was a male tap dance group. As they began Eyes Guy leans over with this enthralled look on his face and tells me

This is awesome!!! Thank you for bringing me to this’

In conversation it turned out that he had never experienced such a show before. Being that my world is full of Dance, I loved the show but expected to. He thought we were going to watch a bunch of little girls in leotards making banging noises. What he experienced was 20-30 year old guys in cool clothes tapping away to funky beats and modern sounds. Some humour thrown in and some obvious friendships between them and Eyes Guy couldn’t help but be impressed. It was so nice to see his reaction.

We had a fun day through crowded paths and found some excellent exhibits and shows to entertain us. We went on a crazy ride and then off we went to the night show that included monster trucks and fireworks.

Now there was one point where we were going to choose a ride to go on and I looked down the alley and it was SO crowded. I’m not a fan of crowds. I looked down there to the masses of people and stopped. I looked at Eyes Guy and made a questioning face of ‘eeek’ and offered him my hand. He took it and we ventured through the crowd to our ride holding hands so as to not get lost.

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Now I, in all my innocence, meant nothing more than ‘hold my hand?’ But was surprised that from then on, my hand was never alone and when standing still I was held with arms wrapped around me and when watching the fireworks had puppy dog eyes looking up at me. For all the intuition I have and all the things I apparently know, I did not expect this and didn’t understand what was going on. He made it very clear a few months back that he was not interested in me that way and I accepted this. Even throughout all of this, I just reminded myself there was nothing more than friends going on and shrugged it off.

We walked back to my car afterwards and he still had my hand in his. I still naively went along with it. He left me at my car at the end of the night. We did have a lot of fun and it was nice to just spend time with no plans, laughing together. I really enjoy random basic things. Spontaneous fun. Good times and warm memories.

Time to go and I thanked him for a great day and gave him a hug. I pull away from the hug to get in my car and he kisses me!!!

Now I have explained Eyes Guy kisses. To this day I’m waiting for another man to step up and take over the crown for ‘Best kisser ever’ but I’m starting to think that won’t happen and that thought makes me sad! I LOVE kissing but only if it’s goooood. I don’t kiss easily and I don’t kiss many men but when I do I want to melt right into it and lose thoughts of anything around me. So when Eyes Guy surprised me with this kiss I was too weak to even consider what was happening. So yeah, we kept kissing, I melted and I drove home completely shocked and unaware of anything that happened. I had no idea…

imageTwo days later we went for a walk, holding hands along the river front. It was a public holiday for the show. I was doing zumba classes at the show and visited him upon his invitation in between displays. We made out on his couch and it was like smitten teenagers. It was exciting and fun and I still had no idea what was going on. All I knew was that kissing could go on for hours (it kinda did!) and it made me smile. We had passion, connection and it was so different to anything.

Every person you meet you find attraction in, in different ways.

You can meet someone and have instant attraction. You can sense them, feel them. Be smitten by them, be drawn to them and the chemistry can be ridiculous.
You can meet another who you have equally as much care for but it takes time find that chemistry and desire for more. They are the ones you are obviously physically attracted to but more reserved with. They take time to build into something deep and meaningful. You know they are a wonderful person. You feel lucky to have them in your life. They tick many boxes but you just don’t have that ‘let’s do this’ excitement straight up.

Are either of them bad or is one better than the other? I used to question this and you try to do things differently than what didn’t work. I’ve come to realise you can’t make the rules. We all know couples who have been together half their life who met and that was it, they got married had kids and love each other more and more every day fifty years on.

We also know of couples who met and broke up. They had other relationships but always remembered each other. Years later they run into each other again or for whatever reason meet again. The passion returns and they fall in love. Who knows what’s best except for you: I believe in timing being everything.

I met and loved a beautiful man who was so perfect in so many ways but i always struggled with feeling like he wasn’t ready for me. It turned out I was right. I broke it off with him and it broke my heart. It was the last thing I wanted but I felt like it was what needed to be done. It hurt. In time he agreed. He needed time to be single. It was too soon after his last relationship (remember my questions when meeting someone new… How long have you been single?) and we all need time to heal. He hasn’t done this and as much as the thought he was over ‘her’ he hadn’t gotten over the experience. What I ended up with and still to this day have, is an amazing true friend with a friendship full of respect and love. I also inherited some new big brothers and it makes me smile.

We meet people at different times in our lives for different reasons. Who knows why I met Eyes Guy. To this day I still don’t know. I have my suspicions. We can talk about them later. This Eyes Guy story has only just begun…

Enjoy the moment and don’t close yourself off to anything. Life is short and love is everywhere in many different forms.

❤️ Cass

Sloppy Seconds

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How would you feel to be the woman who takes a man back because the woman he was seeing after you, didn’t want him?

He spends his time with the new lady doing all he can to win her over and speaking terribly of his ex and how glad he is be able to clearly see how wrong they were together. That she is a bitch. That she has issues. That she is not s nice person. That she’s a selfish lover.

Apparently she broke up with him twice. She said they are very different people and so forth and didn’t want him.

So I watch this all unfold. Remember ‘The ExFiles’. This woman is #2 of #1.

https://2singlegirlsdating.com/2016/05/30/the-ex-files-1/

The one who messages me on FB asking if I met Bman online as she only dumped him two weeks ago. I seriously LOVE how strong my instincts are although I try hard to over ride them telling myself to be open minded.

Here’s the story…
Really liked him at first. Says all the right things. Good conversation, met, good chemistry in person. Spent some time getting to know each other. After a while of course we slept together and he was very eager to please. I wasn’t going to argue about this!!!

#himum #yesmumihavesex

Then the Ex messages me on FB and I was polite to her although rolling my eyes at the ongoing issue women seem to have with contacting people who they have no business contacting!!!! Seriously!!

One of my besties told me recently when we were having some girlie time, that her ex had been cheating on her. This is something she just found out because guess what …the girl he was apparently doing this with, sent her a FB message to tell her. She hasn’t spoken with this guy for some time and has been dating other people quite happily not even thinking about him. Why do girls need to do this? FB brings irrational behavioural issues right out in the limelight it seems. Oh, you were always a freaky manipulative freak show but now it’s easier for people to notice … Because you are making it obvious through writing things on FB!

Anyway… Where was I???
Oh yes, messed up messy people.

So I had a suspicion there was something not quite right and I was correct. Add to that another grown man with a drinking problem, an ex-wife, DVO and a child custody battle and I guess i was onto a winner right? Still, I’m being forgiving and open minded thinking there are two sides to
each story and that people can become better versions of themselves through experience. (Eye roll Cass)

Let’s move this story forward. Lied to me about how long he had been single, about being a non smoker… “Open minded Open minded”
Next, he came crawling back after ghosting me over a weekend and admitted that he had relapsed and started drinking. He proclaims to be a reformed alcoholic who also supports others going through the same. Sure but you have issues.

For those of you wondering what ‘ghosting’ is, here is my hand-fed Urban Dictionary link to help you out
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ghosting

I then allowed him to come over and visit although I wanted to watch football. He is from Victoria so NRL isn’t a priority over a vagina so he went down on me as I watched the game. Was a bloody great game!!! We won. I won!!! Was an awesome night all round!!! Haha #winning #scored

Ahhhh … I’m not that hideous. I returned the favour and more. It was a fun night and he stayed over and it was a good distraction from falling into his drinking patterns. I’m keeping myself very aware of this situation and even though he continually tells me how he is in love with me (way too soon) I just keep him at an arms distance. I know this story far too well. Oh did I add he was trying at every opportunity to join Naomi and I in Asia in July? I managed to avoid hearing those constant suggestions and pretend it was either a joke or went unnoticed. Seems he was keen to make it a romantic getaway together (Was the ex coming too???) #awkward #thitdwheel

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Some people need to supplement one addiction for another. He doesn’t like to be alone. If he is alone he may feel a desire to drink. He needs to feel comforted. Be that with bourbon or with a woman. His kids are being kept from him and he can only see them every second Saturday with a court approved chaperone and cannot be within a certain distance of his ex wife. He has given his version of why to me but it doesn’t add up. Again, there are two sides to every story.

What happened was …

He ignored me the following weekend again.

As Patti from Millionaire Matchmaker says…‘If you’re not his Saturday night, he’s not serious about you’

Metaphorical and realistic.

Saturday night is the night that is generally open for social activity. When you are interested in someone you want to see them then. You don’t want to be doing anything else. You hope they are available and you can see each other. He started texting me on the Monday morning.
After a few texts I asked ‘Are you trying to get in my good books?’
He said ‘Maybe… Is it working?’
I replied ‘Not sure’ and left it there.

On the Tuesday morning he asks what my plans were like for the day. I didn’t reply yet as I was busy. The second text asked could we meet up.

I called him a bit later when I had time and asked how he was and so forth. I then asked what he wanted to talk about. He was irritatingly lacking confidence. Gahhh .. Be a man and speak!!!

Finally ‘Ummm just about us and what’s going on with US
Me : OK so we will talk about you, and talk about me? (Pause for affect). Because after this weekend, clearly there is no US. It’s quite obvious by being ignored by you again that US does not exist. If you wanted an US, you certainly wouldn’t be ignoring me. So what did you want to say that can’t be discussed on the phone then?

He gingerly said that he didn’t know what to say to me. Urgh! As a mum says to a three year old ‘use your big hoy words’.  Another man who is intimidated easily! Communicate for goodness sake. Have an interactive adult conversation!!!

I continued with : I can’t see you this week much as I have a lot on but towards the end of the week I will let you know. I was being completely honest as I never commit to something unless I know I am able to do it. I had even planned a cafe catch up with my gorgeous friend K and when my week changed to hectic, kept her updated and respectfully let her know. FYI we didn’t catch up … But we did at a later date  . ❤️

I sent a text on the Friday and said that I had  some time that day  if he would like to catch up
He Ignored me
I roll my eyes to myself – something I do a lot.
I found a funny meme and sent it to him the Friday night (I must add that I actually do care for his welfare and do want to know that he is ok so as much as I think he is not a good potential ‘man’ in my life, I do feel I want to check on him)

imageHe replied the Saturday morning saying
‘That’s a bit funny’
I figured I would just call so I rang his phone and you guessed it, He ignored me.

The polite thing when you miss a call is to return the call …. No. Not him. He ignored me
I sent another text because I was actually feeling a bit concerned. I said can you please return my call and added a meme to be nice.

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The next morning he said
‘Will call you later today ok’.
And he didn’t, He ignored me

That night I replied to his above text to be sarcastic and said ‘sure’ cause clearly he lied again and He ignored me. He just doesn’t do as he says #goodindicationsoffuturereliabilityfail

He said
‘Do you still want me to call’
I told him probably not in the best frame of mind tonight now regarding him so another time would be better.

He actually called the next day. It made me laugh so much to hear he has gotten back with his ex. He asked why I found it funny which made me laugh even more to think he doesn’t know!
So the poor woman dumps him. He runs off and meets other people and tells them he loves them, and says all sorts of nasty things about her (which I actually don’t stand for and suggest isn’t very nice) and then when I tell him there is no US he talks her into taking him back!

Oh I laughed!

Did a care? Not really although I feel bad for her. I don’t think he ‘loves’ her or anyone. I feel bad that I got her left overs that she is now getting her leftovers regurgitated back to her (eww). Don’t forget either that I’m a Skank so you get him back with skank all over him.

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I did tell him some home truths. FYI, I asked if it was ok to do so before I unleashed them upon him

I said you are only going to hurt this woman again and break her heart, which clearly isn’t strong since she is so desperate to be with someone. I said you are a mess and I believe as I did from the start that you need to be single. You need to be single and sort your shit out and stop taking your mess and messing up the lives of others. You are no good to a woman you are a weak shell of a man. I do hope that you guys are blissfully happy together, I sincerely do because everyone deserves to be happy but I can only see it ending in tears.

For what it’s worth, for all the great things you proclaim yourself to be, you really are not. You know what a decent person I am, and you have treated me terribly. You have done the wrong thing by me numerous times and if you can stand there and feel good about yourself for being that person then good luck to you. I feel disrespected and mistreated and you are the so-called great guy responsible for that. It’s not nice and we don’t need to speak further.

I have no doubt he will entertain sessions talking about me and allowing nasty things to be said which is quite childish and sad. I was very kind to him and about his exes. Still, weak people do their best to feel better by running other people down.

Oh I ended it by saying I hope he enjoys the lack of blow jobs his future holds… Apparently me going down on him was rare thing and he wasn’t used to It. What??? What selfish women are not doing their part to give back and make a man feel special? I’ll put it out there… Those body parts of yours (men) may not be the prettiest of things but they are yours and I am a giver. I actually really like pleasing a man I’m with. Do I want some penis shoved down my throat? I could think of nicer things like cheesecake and donuts! The action itself isn’t the most fun thing but the feeling of making someone feel good and being responsible for their euphoria is well worth going out of my way for. If I’m happy to receive its only fair I return the favour and even start the ball rolling (hehe ‘ball’ – see what I did there???)

Anyway
The point if this story is this….
Being single should not be confused with loneliness. You should not NEED to be with someone you should WANT that.

Want it at a time when you are ready to give something of yourself to someone deserving.
Want to find someone who wants to find you.
Complement each other don’t drag each other down. Or one drag the other either.
A man is incomplete if he has not healed. We all need time to heal
It’s ok to need time because THAT is admirable

I find a man extremely sexy when they are confident and with direction
A past is fine but it’s a past and I don’t need to be dragged into it.
Bring me a man who is ready, sorted, strong and THAT is sexy. THAT is who I want. You ‘weak settling for something so that you are not alone’ women can keep your damaged men. (Ok I’m not that cold I understand humans and understand weaknesses but I just don’t want that in my life)

So Bman just think of this. If you do care about this woman … Consider what your messed up life is going to do to her. Your selfish need to feel loved … Is it worth the pain you will end up putting the both of you through?
As for the ex now current again … Is he really as great as you want to believe he is?

I feel like I was sitting down with some popcorn watching this unfold before me in between rolling my eyes in both ‘urgh you silly people moments and ‘Ahhhh that’s it right there ooooohhhhh’ moments. Personally I prefer the between my legs moments a whole lot more… Now just to combine popcorn with football and oral sex and I’m sorted!!! Maybe some cheesecake and donuts too… Ahhh bliss!!!

❤️ Cass

P.S. Eyes Guy is now reading this blog I recently found out.  I’ll ipdate some more on him later but to refresh you https://2singlegirlsdating.com/2016/05/14/eyes-guy-intro/

Tinder Takeover!

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My time on Tinder is not all serious looking for ‘the one’. 

I have to admit that sometimes I do just amuse myself on Tinder. 

And sometimes friends do a Tinder Takeover.
The following conversations happened in the early hours after a heavy night celebrating the birthday of one of my dear friends.

The conversations were mostly conducted by an Australian male friend with other people adding the occasional hilarious suggestion. 

I will not be held responsible for you peeing your pants when you read this…

PLEASE NOTE EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT AND SWEAR WORDS ARE USED


That was the end of that conversation.

And then there was this one: 


We didn’t talk seriously…

Then there was:


And…

And all in one night in the early hours of the morning 🙈

A SingleMAN dating

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imageI recently received this message on Facebook from a guy I chatted to quite a lot but never met ages ago online.  Yeah he ghosted me!

Anyway he has given me complete permission to share this with you as long as it remains anonymous … It’s a great read, and for us #singlegirlsdating it’s a great insight into the other side… Enjoy and thank you my old friend ❤️

“Hey Cass. How’s life? Love your blog but I recon you’ll get waaaay more traction if you girls do a vlog. I wrote a piece on online dating for a book last year. Thought you might enjoy reading. Feel free to use what you what but keep me anonymous please…

Pick up my phone – check my messages – read my emails – look at social media – enter the love/hate world of tinder – masturbate.
That was my daily ritual before and after sleep for the past year.

I’m a fairly successful, fun and adventurous 39 year old man who loves his family and friends more than life itself but I have a secret…I’m a Tinder addict.

Coming out of a long-term relationship and living on the Gold Coast, my good mate told me I HAVE to go on Tinder to meet some women and have some fun…so I did. I uploaded my favorite pics and wrote some facts that I thought would interest the opposite gender. “Ok, let’s do this”, I told myself.

What initially amazed me was the sheer number of stunning girls on there. Now I’m not the fittest or best looking guy in the world but it didn’t take me long to start matching and spark up conversations.

First date: I had literally been out of the game, and the country for many a long year so I suggested that my date chose the spot. So off I go…I arrive, it’s packed, I find her sitting next to another guy, from the site, and it’s inside a strip club. WTF??? Is this what people actually do on first dates these days? The other guy was freaked out as much as me and it didn’t take us long to work out that she wanted a threesome, and she was bi as she kept getting lap dances for herself.

imageThe following 3 months resulted in more dates than I can remember and $19,000 spent on restaurants, drinks, hotels, gifts and getaways. I know, I know…don’t tell me. It was ballistic but true and a whole lot of fun. I was like a kid in a candy store, however things needed to be toned down as it was taking over my life. I can’t tell you how much that $19k would come in handy now but you can’t live with regrets, hey.

Sex: I’m not going to tell you how many women I’ve slept with since joining Tinder because it’s no one else’s business, but the ages range from 18 – 55 (she was 35 on her profile) and without sounding like a tool, I’ve experienced the delights from New Zealand, UK, Canada, USA, Sweden, Denmark, Switzerland, South Africa, Norway, Holland, Spain, Russia, Poland, Brazil, France and of course Australia. And in case you’re wondering, I’m disease free.

imageMaybe 40% of the women on Tinder will write something about themselves on their profile. I’d say 50% of those will state: not here for one nighters or hookups. Of those, over 80% will have sex on the first date. It’s an interesting psychology and I often wonder if they write that so their friends and potential dates don’t assume they’re a slut. I actually hate that word because if you think about it, couples in a relationship will, or at least can have sex everyday. Women that are single and love sex deserve the right to fulfil their needs without scrutiny from others or be labeled with a deplorable word. Entering the fantasy zone with their middle digits or favorite battery charged friend is no doubt pleasant but it can’t compare to the real thing, right?!

I’ve been fortunate enough to meet some truly amazing women on Tinder, including three that I keep in touch with regularly and now consider good friends. Two just didn’t workout and the other is simply not in the country. However, I would swap all the girls on there for just one that I share a strong connection with and call my girlfriend. So that annoying red flame on the tinder app lures me in like a hit for a drug addict, hoping I’ll find my special woman.

Sydney = Next Level: I remember the first time I flew down to Sydney, checking out the view from the cab and the talent on tinder. It literally blew my mind. Absolute glamours, swipe after swipe. Back home I’d be lucky if I got 1 match to every 30 right swipes but in Sydney…OMFG, I was on at least a 90% strike rate.

By the time I arrived at my hotel about 30mins from the airport, I had about 15 matches and when I woke up the next day, I saw the app had 73 matches and messages. That was simply freakish so I had to screenshot my phone and send it to my best mate. I don’t know if there is a severe drought of men in Sydney but there’s clearly a fierce competition going on. It’s like a role reversal and unlike any other city because the women in Sydney normally message first and ask you to meet.

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So Tinder you little rascal…you’ve given me an emotional roller coaster but it’s time we part ways. You’ve transformed the dating game and injected the economy throughout the planet, especially in restaurants, bars and leisure activities, so well done you for that. I can’t be sure that our paths won’t cross in the future but I really, really, reeeeeeally hope that we never meet again”

Tinder Tactics 

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Back in London and I’m wondering how many of you are familiar with the array of dating apps and website that are out there. If you’re lucky enough to have found your soul mate, or you’re single but not intrigued by the world of online dating you probably don’t know much about how they work.

So let’s start with Tinder. Probably the most notorious dating app out there, where you will find all sorts of people searching for all kinds of relationships ranging from full blown love to men wanting to be a cuckold (look it up).

We’re rewinding to just before Christmas when I was visiting my best friend Steph in Philly.  Steph met her husband Justin at college (university for the Brits reading this) and they’ve been together ever since. It’s been several years now and was before the advent of internet dating and certainly before the rise of dating apps.

Having never experienced it for themselves they grew quite curious to find out more about how it all worked and how people behaved.

I passed my phone to Steph with Tinder open and she started to swipe. “I feel so in control” she exclaimed with a cheeky grin. It’s fun seeing all the potential options and deciding whether to swipe left (no way!)  or right (yes, I’d like to find out more). “Ooh I think you’d like this one” with a swipe right.

Then a first message popped up and Steph almost jumped. “What do I do now?” So I said just reply and see where the conversation goes.

I should make it very clear at this point Steph was being me, she was not a married woman matching with guys on Tinder.

So they start messaging back and forth and Steph would check in with me to confirm how I would say something or spell it in British as opposed to American English.  After about 10 minutes she said “oh no!” And looked sad. I asked what happened. “He unmatched me! I’m terrible at this!” She told me what was said and I reassured her “you’re not terrible. He was just after one thing. You found out and said you weren’t up for it (as me) and he unmatched you. I’d say you passed!”

Justin joined us. Interested in what was happening, now it was his turn. What Justin did next opened my eyes to how a lot of guys use Tinder.

“I’m going to do an experiment and swipe right on everyone and see how many match with you.” 10 right swipes. 10 matches. Ok let’s try some more. We got to 30 and 29 were matches.

Then he made himself a Tinder profile. It pulled up his profile pic from Facebook which was a wedding pic of him and Steph! “You can’t use that Justin!” So he selected another profile photo just of himself. Then he swiped right 10 times. Nothing. 20, 30… No matches. Sad face…

It’s not that I’m particularly amazing,  but I was in a new area, had my phone on but not swiping on Tinder (what’s he point when you live in a different country) so guys were seeing my profile, I was a Brit in the US and I am female!

I also added further to my reasoning on why he had no matches and I had a ton, reminding him that it’s Saturday night and you just joined. How many women are going to be sitting at home and see you instantly to swipe right on?

Justin explained that if he were using Tinder he wouldn’t waste time reading all the profiles and looking through the photos beforehand but would swipe right on everyone and then when he matched with a girl would then look through and decide if he’d want to talk to her or not.

Totally makes sense that guys would do that!

Tinder fuelled our conversation as we were at dinner that evening – see pic above of us not being anti-social friends with our phones out at the table, but rather Steph and Justin seeing if they would come across profiles of people they knew!

Tinder is a bit like a game and people use it for different things:

Some are looking for love – someone I lived with for about a month got married last weekend to a guy she met on Tinder.

Some are looking to meet people with an open mind to seeing what develops (I’m in this camp).

Some are looking simply to get laid.

Others are just looking for an ego boost.

And others… well, you know about Dom and he is on the milder side…

If you’re going to use these apps you have to be ok with rejection. You have to be ok with the fact that you’ll match with people and some of them will never write to you, some will write to you and just ask for sex and some will make an attempt to get you in bed. And as you all know, some will write you kinky stories 😉

There are all sorts of people just as there are in life. You have to be open to that and be able to deal with it. Otherwise dating apps are definitely not the way to go.

SingleNaomi X

 

What’s your strangest / weirdest / funniest Tinder experience?