I gave up dating apps for lent

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Mashimaro, you asked about Valentine’s Day. The Shy One had an operation on his balls on that oh so sacred of days so, no, I didn’t get up to anything very exciting! I did get to teach my fitness classes to a room full of wonderful people plus a special one-off salsa class so I had a great evening just not with a special man 😉

Apparently it’s been 2 MONTHS since I last updated you! Time has flown by and in that time (about a month ago) The Shy One and I realised we were not for each other…

Screen Shot 2017-03-30 at 21.39.34.pngAnd after that did I go back on the life-sapping apps?

No, I did not. I decided that for lent I would give up dating apps (AGAIN!) and see what happened.

To be honest not a lot has happened on the dating scene and I wasn’t expecting it to. I saw the Fireman a couple more times but that didn’t really go anywhere. Despite his dreamy eyes, we all have issues and he’s no exception – currently battling some tough family ones so he’s best left to look after himself.

Life has been busy – I’ve settled into a new home in Putney with the Minx and we love our new place: it really is a home, so much so that neither of us want to move out anytime soon 🙂

Tell me, what do you think about mixing work and personal life?

I know, I know! I can hear you yelling at me through your phone screen right now!

So…. there might be someone I’m quite excited about spending time with right now (this literally started a couple of days ago) but he’s a colleague so half of me is yelling at the other half “DON’T EVEN GO THERE! YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME…!” and that other half is like “this could be good and I should at least get to know this hot piece of ass (yes I did just say that because sometimes women think that too!) before writing him off.”

I SO want to tell you the whole story…but I can’t right now because it would give it away to those who work with us and we want to keep it quiet… but I promise to tell you one day (don’t worry, I’m keeping notes!) and that may be sooner rather than later.

That’s pretty much it… which means I need to hear YOUR dating stories! So go on, write a paragraph in the comments and give me a giggle 🙂

p.s. Dom texted me a few days after I published Jessica’s Naked Experiment: “So I’m going to take some credit for Jessica…good luck with The Shy One x”

For those of you who questioned the physical aspect of the experiment Dom summed up nicely why I’d done it, and yes perhaps subconsciously he had had a hand in the experiment: “It gave you an insight into anonymously asking questions and finding out how people open up”

I had no idea he was reading the blog! Although he said he’d only found it after we’d stopped texting, he admitted he had found it interesting to read my thoughts… He then offered to trade another story for the photo of Jessica.

Apologies I have no story from Dom to share with you…

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Jessica’s Naked Experiment

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You know when it’s going really well with a guy, but it hasn’t been very long and you don’t want to admit to anyone that you actually really like this one, because that will jinx it and he’ll never speak to you again…?

It’s now the end of January which means I’ve known The Shy One for about a month and as I write that I’m surprised at how little time has passed.

This is happening to me: I don’t want to tell anyone that things are good because you know, when you do, that’s when it all goes wrong. (Why am I writing this again?!)

I was just catching up with my sister and she asked me how things were going with him. “Interesting what a great guy he is – so far! – especially considering how we met!”

 

This needs an explanation: Over Christmas I decided to have a bit of fun and conduct an experiment – I must admit I was doing it to try to get material to write for this blog! I’ve often changed dating profiles to see what difference it makes and the different types of guys I attract. But this was something I’ve not done before and even went to the extreme of creating a fake Facebook profile with a fake name…why, you ask?! (well the FB thing because you have to connect it to Tinder to create an account.) But the fake name because…

I posted one photo on my new Tinder profile: A naked one.

My face was not there and it was just the back of my body, but I was naked and I was Jessica.

I wrote a full profile mostly stating what I was looking for and what I most definitely wasn’t looking for and then I got swiping.

I swiped and swiped… left, left, left… on and on. Occasionally (very occasionally) I swiped right. Only for men who I was really attracted to. No point wasting your time on ‘maybes’ or the ones that look ok in one pic but you’re not sure in the others, or they’re wearing sunglasses in every shot but their body is incredible…No. Just no.

One of the first guys who wrote to me ended up telling me to get over myself! He had asked me why he should bother putting in any hard work if he can’t see my face or doesn’t know my real name, to which I said, “You don’t have to. It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth it or not and if you don’t think it is, just un-match me.”

One down.

I only had one other ‘bad’ reaction: a guy who just wanted sex. I’d clearly stated that I wasn’t looking for hook ups so he was out (but if I had been, he most definitely would have been in!)

That left several promising matches and I made my profile private after just one day so no one else would see me and I could focus on those guys who did get in touch.

Most of them asked me straight away for a photo of my face but I replied that I wanted to wait to see if there was a connection first and asked if they were ok with that. They all said yes!

There was one who didn’t ask for quite a long time which of course stood out, and I loved the way he asked: “So if we were to walk past each other in the street how would I know if was you?”

I never ended up meeting him despite having great conversation. I think he still had hang ups from an ex even though he said he was over that. Realistically he also lives too far away. Onwards.

The second question was almost always ‘who took the photo?’ Have they never heard of a timer…?

I had the best conversations with these guys. I asked direct questions and they all gave direct and seemingly very honest answers. Perhaps because they could’t see my face it was less of a big deal to reveal truths. Or maybe I’m reading too much into it.

It was really interesting and all but that one told me they were ultimately looking for a woman to settle down with (of course we know they might have been lying, but I didn’t feel they were – they had no reason to.) We talked about a fair amount before it felt like a natural point to tell them my name is actually Naomi and then ask for their number to send them the face pics.

They mostly thought about what it meant for them to not know what my face looked like, but when it came to exchanging numbers that’s where the risk was all mine:  They knew I was attracted to them, but I didn’t know if they would see my face and like it, or see it and decide never to talk to me again! As it happens everyone was polite 😉

One guy wanted to meet up without having seen my face at all – like a one-sided blind date! He was hot and we had good chat but when he tried to call and I didn’t answer or even see his call  due to having no signal where I was over Christmas he got weird and that is a BIG turn off. No. Just no, don’t get whiney with me.

In the end I went out with 2 of the guys: One is a fireman and the other is The Shy One.

He is not the kind of guy I generally go for being shy. I’d normally go for the confident, bordering on arrogant guy – the kind of guy I grow to dislike, the kind of guy who makes every day an unknown quantity: will he be madly in love (lust) with me or will he not talk to me…? I don’t have that with The Shy One. He’s consistent. He’s caring. He’s responsible. He doesn’t want to “get it wrong”. He wants to know what I want to do and what I like. He wants to know I’m ok and he’s got these gorgeous eyes that hold my attention…

It feels like much longer than a month. But it has only been 1 month – December 30th was the day we first met although we’d been talking a fair bit before that.

I think I might have found one of the good ones who haven’t yet been snapped up… Well, finger’s crossed anyway!

The thing is, I’ve realised over the years that as women – bear with me on my massive generalisation here – we tend to think that every guy we start dating is right for us, so we worry about whether or not he likes us. Whereas actually what we need to do is enjoy the time we spend together and work out whether he is someone that we like and whether or not he is the type of guy who enhances our life.

Perhaps because I’ve been through marriage and divorce already I’m less willing to settle, and much more aware of what I want and what I don’t want in a relationship – not that a person is ‘bad’ or ‘good’, but that everyone is their own person, and the discovery is whether or not you make a great team, and if you don’t there is not much point trying to force it. The sooner you let go, the sooner you are open to finding someone who may just be the one who does enhance your life instead of dragging you down and sapping your energy (you know if I’m talking to you right now!)

The Shy One is discovering who I am and I’m discovering who he is. If one of us realises we’re not good for each other that will be ok… but for now it’s Jamie Oliver’s Cookery School and other date nights for us!

Hoping we all find love in 2017… because it would just be nice to have it 🙂

 

(Single)Naomi x

p.s. Yes, one guy sent me that gif !! haha

Big dick. Little dick.

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Yes, this post is about big dicks and little dicks of the physical kind.

Do not read on if you don’t like sex and Pecker talk! ha!

How many times do you hear people say “the size doesn’t matter, it’s what he does with it that counts!”

BAHAHAH! Really?! You want a guy with a GINORMOUS penis trying to fit it inside you?!

No, really? Well, we know Cass doesn’t 😉

In a previous house share I had a house-mate (still, great friend of mine who you have met before – Minx) whose job involves penises  (penii or penes, whatever your preference).

A LOT of them…

Naturally when she would first start chatting to guys they’d ask what she does for work and inevitably they would talk about their Little Soldier and all their Joystick related issues.

She would then receive all manner of photographs of the Male Member. One evening – I was getting ready to go out on a date and I heard her gasp and laugh, and stifle it, and then call us girls.

I have NEVER seen anything like it. It literally, was like a 3rd leg.

Our mouths dropped open in astonishment as she showed us a photo of his flaccid penis draped over his thigh.

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Honestly I have no idea how his – let’s call it Godzilla – could have made it into any woman’s lady garden unless of course she was crowned queen Vagasaurus.

Of course, we felt bad for him. You could even see the outline – sorry, gigantic bulge – in his normal photos. I wonder if he has ever managed to experience the ecstasy of climax from penetrative sex…

Personally, I have not experienced a penis on this level of BIG and I’m not sure how I’d react if I was ever faced with one. I would at least try not to laugh nervously… Try.

I have however, experienced the tiny ones. Their Lil’ Buddy.  The Lion was one. Seemingly perfect in every other way (except for having time!! haha!) … sigh. Such a waste.

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What must it be like if you are head over heels in love with someone and then discover they have such a teeny tiny Love Stick that you begin to wonder if you have the most vacuous vagina in the world?! How could you imagine spending your life having sex with that person.

Ok, ok he can go down on you, but to not feel anything going on down there… I don’t know.

I said I’d tell you about the Aussie.

  • Fairly short – as in when I wear heels we’re the same height, so I feel like a giant instead of a fairy.
  • No big biceps to hold onto me tight.
  • No broad shoulders to make me feel protected.
  • No sense of ambition in life.

I won’t go on… but all in all, not my ideal of attractive.

But, I’m being more open minded. We get on, get each other’s sense of humour, he’s done some pretty nice things for me when I was having a tough time, and he stroked my back! Yes, without even asking once, he did one of the things I love the most in the world. Stroked my back. Ahhhhh….

And then, he kissed my neck… ai ai ai… nothing can stop me now. Well, that’s what went on in my head at the time anyway.

Oh, and the kissing. You know when you just click with someone and the kissing is AMAZING and sends you into the stratosphere?! It was like that (I hope you’ve been kissed like that before. If not, dump whoever you’re with and go find that! JK)

But, and there is a big – or rather, a little but – he definitely does NOT have an Anaconda. I was like ‘Has it started yet? hmmm… Are you actually doing anything..?’ (no, not out loud!)

Oh no! How could it be?!

Suffice to say, this didn’t last long.

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There was some other stuff that wasn’t ok. It wasn’t just the small dick. I’m not that shallow 😉

Rewind to Christmas time. I’d been dating an ex-pro footballer. Yes, I know!!

He wasn’t premier league or anything so no mansion in Cheshire for me! But there is a Wikipedia page about him and there are newspaper articles about him – and no, I’m not going to tell you who it is.

Super kind. Super interested. Made so much time for me. And he was HOT. Like on fire hot. Exactly the kind of guy I would look at and instantly think “oh yes, I’d have him” (I know you do that too!)

GREAT sized Torpedo – perhaps my favourite name so far. Good length and girth.

It was perfect. NOT long and pokey like the Californian non-committal-I-don’t-want-to-put-a-label-on-this-relationship-non-relationship guy I was dating the previous Christmas (both took me to Winter Wonderland which I LOVED!)

Sex with the Footballer was amazing, always. Well, two hotties together… – JK! We just ‘fit’ well together.

As kind, caring, smoking hot and interested as he was, his lack of ambition just killed it for me.

He had so much going for him, but now too old to continue at that professional level he didn’t have any ambition. Perhaps starting a kids football coaching academy, so I tried to encourage him in that. Nothing materialised. He worked in a factory.

Not very long ago he contacted me again and I asked if he’d made any progress on the business. Alas, he was still in the factory.

Oh, but he’s so hot… and we fit so well together… *dreaming*

I just can’t sustain a relationship with someone who will settle for something that is less than who they are. It’s uninspiring and ultimately boring. Harsh, I know.

So, the treasure hunt for the perfect guy for me continues.

What do you think about the size of the shaft?

 

 

Eyes Guys #3 Gone Again

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Last we read, Eyes Guy and I were kissing on the couch …

(Read previous blog of Eyes Guy #1 and #2 to get up to speed)

 

This turned into a blissful relationship-heading, whirlwind time full of excitement and never ending smiles ..

I knew very little about him. I didn’t know his past and I never asked because of those words the first time of why he didn’t want to see me anymore without much explanation. In my mind there was something in his past that he wanted to leave behind and I’m good with that because I had nothing to do with his past! In saying this, although open minded as I always profess I am, I was also quite cautious with that whole ‘once bitten twice shy’ type of thinking.

I am very big on a past being exactly that. It’s none of my business unless someone wants to share parts of their life prior to you, with you. Of course this happens as you get to know each other but it is usually only the relevant things that we tend to bring up. Things like an awesome experience or maybe something from your childhood. Things about your family, where you grew up and so forth. We may talk about past relationships and where they went wrong. Places we have traveled to or jobs we have worked in. There are often parts of our past we don’t feel a need to share and also some things we just don’t want to remember. That’s ok because we all have those things. A life is lived through ups and downs and things we have excelled in and then things we wish we could have done better. We learn and hopefully they make us better people.

This ‘relationship’ whatever it was, was unlike no other. I could spend days talking about parts of it and still not be able to explain it properly. Eyes Guy would be an incredibly attentive, caring and thoughtful man. He would sit on the couch with me and just want to touch me as he watched his favourite TV show. I remember one night I was standing up at the table away from him eating pineapple pieces (random night time urge) watching a current affairs show with a story on Cuba. Of course in the background they were playing Cuban Salsa and it was a very well known song especially in my ‘Zumba’ world. I’m quite used to just keeping a low profile. I don’t need too much attention I just cruise along. I was busy eating my pineapple and watching TV (was a very interesting story) and I guess I was dancing a little to the music minding my own business. I instinctively felt eyes upon me and looked at Eyes Guy. He had this intense look in his eyes with a sort of knowing smile. It was freaky! You know when you have no idea someone has been watching you and then you find out? Suddenly you feel vulnerable and I shyly said ‘What???’ He said ‘You are just so cute!’ Then he said ‘Can you please come here?’ Of course I said ‘Why?????’ He said ‘Just come here… Please…’

So I walked over to him
He took his hands, put them on either side of my face and kissed me with intensity.
Then I went back to my pineapple as he continued with that sweet look of happiness towards me.

imageIt’s those small moments that you remember and hold onto. They are the real moments that you cannot force, they just happen on their own.

There were other moments too. I would go to see him after teaching a sweaty class. He gets up for work early therefore went to bed earlier than me normally. I would rush over and usually not eat dinner (I never told him this) just so I would not upset him by taking too long. He seemed to have his ways he liked things to be.  Not aggressively more of an OCD type of way. I just wanted to be there and spend some time. I remember a time I stripped off out of my sweaty zumba clothes and jumped in the shower to get clean and next minute he was getting in too! No… It wasn’t a dirty-mind moment, it was quite the opposite. He just gently started washing me. I’d not experienced this before as usually a man wants to shower with you for other reasons!!! There was no other reason. Just a man wanting to be sweet and do something thoughtful. This happened a number of times. Some nurturing and some raw and passionate. Sometimes there was one leading to another. Let’s just say that showering was never dull at his place unless I was there alone.

Whenever we slept in the same bed he would sleep the whole night completely wrapped around me. If I moved (I’m not good at this and lie awake for hours not wanting to move in case I woke him!) because I need personal space when I sleep (does anyone else find feet touching your feet creepy?) he would find me subconsciously and just need to be touching me.

In the morning when he got up for work I would wake as I’m a light sleeper but he would do his best to stay quiet. He would always come back into his room and say goodbye. I would sleepily kneel up to hug him with my eyes half closed (you know as you do like a kid so you don’t wake up too much???) and usually tell him how nice he looked. He always looked so handsome dressed to go to work. It’s a nice change to see a man dressed well for work as a contrast to casual Queensland clothes. If I didn’t wake up as much I remember he would kiss me gently on my forehead and leave me to sleep (that would be the BEST sleep all night!!! Hahaha I’m really not used to sharing a bed!) That sweet tender kiss on my head to say goodbye …

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All these little moments were amazing and I looked forward to them. My problem was that there were other ‘moments’ that made no sense. I wouldn’t hear from him and then suddenly I would. He would be busy and seeing him was always on his terms never on mine. We only saw each other at his house. He still knew very little about my daily life. I never met his friends and I still to this day don’t think they know I exist.  If they do, they would have no idea who I am to him.

On the opposite side, I know them all very well. I know their names, what they do, who they are to him. I know his mum and dad and his sister very well! None of them know me. I know of his past life, he had given away at that point. He was a DJ in a well known venue on a Sunday night. It was not his main line of work but something he was passionate about and apparently immersed in for a long time. I never knew him as that person, so how and why he left that behind was none of my business. I liked the person I met as who he was, at that point.

I never referred to him as my boyfriend. I never felt like I was acknowledged in return either. He was ‘someone I met’ or ‘someone I’m seeing’. I was having a conversation one time and used the term ‘boyfriend’ awkwardly in referring to Eyes Guy purely to avoid a needless explanation.  I uncomfortably told him about it and asked if that upset him if I called him that. I don’t remember what he said but I never used that term again about him. I got it… To him, I wasn’t that special.

One night I had a good friend from overseas in town. I invited her and another friend to meet me for dinner. Eyes Guys had been expecting me over that night. I had arranged dinner near his place and bravely worked up the courage to invite him to come. That meant almost being a ‘couple’ and meeting my very much-loved friends. He said he would come!!

There was an awesome outdoor dance event on too which I was excited to watch with everyone first. I drove to his place and as I was arriving he called and said he was tired and not coming. I said OK and clearly sounded disappointed. He told me that he visited some mates and had a couple of beers which made him tired and he has been lying down and wants to stay there. I was being the low drama chick that I am and although incredibly deflated I was going along with it. He asked where I was and I said that I was right by his place but that’s ok. He then said assertively ‘No, I’ve let you down and that’s not fair. Give me fifteen minutes to shower and get ready, I’m coming with you!’

To this day he has no idea how happy that made me to hear!! I wanted to hold his hand and enjoy a nice night with my friends… And him. He and I were having s great time watching the dance groups under the stars.  He started acted strange after my friends arrived and wanted to go home. I felt a mixture of embarrassment because it was rude to my friends who had gone way out of their way to be there, embarrassment because my friends must have felt bad for me, and confusion in his behaviour.

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We got back to his place and he told me that he is uncomfortable around me because I don’t drink. He said he doesn’t know how to act as he doesn’t have friends who don’t drink. He found it strange and didn’t know how to be.

(Ummm.. Normal???)

Ok, so at least there was something making some sense now. He always had this awkwardness about him at night thinking I didn’t notice there was vodka in his ‘orange juice’. Did he think I never noticed the dramatic changes in the levels of the vodka bottle on top of the kitchen cupboard each time I visited?  Did he think I couldn’t taste the alcohol on his breath when he kissed me?  And let’s mention one time I went to bed before him and woke up hours later without him.  I went out half asleep to see where he was and he quickly tried to hide the vodka bottle he was emptying into his ‘orange juice’.  I pretended I didn’t see anything as he nervously blurted out ‘What  are you doing?’.  I just took it all in, kissed his cheek and went back to bed so he didn’t feel like I noticed… I did… I always did.

To my close friends he was a whole other person and even they struggled to help me work it all out. We went out on a ‘date’ one night.  Well in his best thinking. I never went out with him to dinner so I asked if we could do that. I wanted to wear a hot dress and heels for him, dress up and feel pretty. We just walked down the street which was fine cause that area is full of nice places. He held my hand across the table as we sat which surprised me, although I must say when we went walking out and about he did always hold my hand. I love holding hands. I’m typically not much of a touchy-feely person but holding hands makes me feel all warm and fuzzy! That was one of the very few, if only times he told me I looked beautiful up to this point. I asked out of interest in conversation did he find me attractive at all and he replied asking why would I question that? I told him because I honestly don’t know because he never says anything like that. He told me if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have a hard penis would he? Well my thinking is that this is irrelevant … I mean… Don’t guys wake up with erections? Don’t they have ‘wet dreams’? Added to this, we all know their dedication to masturbating! All of these situations involve erect penises and have nothing to do with me so that whole answer doesn’t really have much credibility!

Basically, in those moments when you are naked with someone feeling exposed and vulnerable, feeling a crazy connection and incredible passion between you, a girl still needs the simplest of things, and that is to feel relaxed and confident … A girl just wants to be told she is beautiful or sexy or looks hot or whatever it might be. Having that thought in your head of ‘Maybe he doesn’t really like me that much after all and just likes sex’ and all sorts of self conscious thoughts don’t make immersing yourself in the moment and letting go easy.

Let’s just say it… Sex was amazing. It was amazing before we even actually got anywhere with it. Kissing him was always as mentioned, like my kryptonite. I would just melt into him the moment he pushed his lips to mine. Chemistry is something you cannot make happen. It just does or it doesn’t. It always did and without being too biological, physically it was intense. That aside, one thing that never happened was me! As much as I enjoyed every moment of every encounter, I never reached that place that strokes a mans ego and has him fist pump and high five himself, to himself. That part where he tells himself ‘oh fuck yeah… You’re the man’. image

Guess what… I didn’t really care. It was the experience of the ride not the final destination that I enjoyed the most. Especially the part where i got to fist pump and high five myself and tell myself that I was ‘the man’… So to speak!

Hey, I am very much a giver and my satisfaction is in giving satisfaction. The longer it went on, I think the more it etched away at his ego in that way, as much as I told him it’s no big deal. I still understood though.

Here you go guys… Here is what it was for me.

(Insert deep breath and type away Cass!).
GAHhhhhh!!!

Two things … I felt like when he would go down on me (not in every encounter) that he didn’t really enjoy doing it. When he did he would get annoyed I took too long. Therefore in my mind I’m thinking about him not liking doing this for me and ‘oh no he is getting annoyed at me’…Women orgasm with their minds as much as their bodies as we know. I was never going to like that. Also, I would start enjoying what he was doing and he would change it. This lead me to believe he didn’t know too much about this and it would make sense since he didn’t enjoy it.
Then there was sex itself. Does anyone remember the song with the line ‘She only cums when she’s on top’?

“This bed is on fire with passionate love
The neighbors complain about the noises above
But she only cums when she’s on top”

(The song LAID is from 1993 and by the Manchester band JAMES.. Great song!)

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You see the older you get the more comfortable you become knowing your body. I’m quite shy especially initially and I’m also very sensitive about other people’s feelings. I had told him I cum on top as most women do. Let’s add in the lack of confidence given to me (no compliments or noted comments) and being on top, exposed, being watched so closely, completely vulnerable and having him tell me numerous times he didn’t like how it felt for him when i was on top and again, my head is telling me to hurry up because he doesn’t like it and I’m a burden. I also never felt him touch my body or make me feel like he liked how it felt or what it looked like. One reason is because he never told me and because he never took the time to admire, touch to even kiss it.

Can you believe though despite all of this, our naked time was still something to shout about … It’s difficult to explain.

Around the six week mark he became distant. I didn’t hear from him much for most of the week and towards the end of the week, nothing. Eventually we spoke on the phone and he said that people in his life always leave and they don’t understand who he really is, they just leave him. He told me I understand him and he doesn’t want me to leave him. He sounded a bit stressed and looking back… Drunk?

Within a few days I got another call saying he didn’t want to see me again. He doesn’t feel anything for me. We don’t have any connection and that’s it.

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I text him and said don’t I have a say in this??? He said that I didn’t. I was again, left confused. If there was one thing we DID have it was a connection. A ridiculous connection. I sent a text and said I was going to finish class and come over and talk to him … Cause you know, that’s what adults do!! He replied and said that he won’t be home from work until late. I said it’s ok, I’ll just come over and wait until you get home. He rang me and had the most evil tone in his voice. He told me that if he gets home and I’m at his place waiting for him he will ring the police and tell them I am stalking him!!!

OMG … Who WAS this person on the phone?

I just went home and that was it, again.
Done | Finished | Over | No Idea Why

❤️ Cass

 

The ‘picker’

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Meanwhile back in Brisbane …

Why do I do this to myself? Why am I far too nice and why do I agree to meet guys I just know are not compatible? I feel bad and sometimes I go ‘OK’ way too easily and next thing I’m stuck in a cafe with Mister ‘Gahhhh’ unable to leave without being rude.

I thought about it and realised #warningtopotentialmen that Friday night is my ‘Gahhh whatever’ night. You see, I have a  Zumba class I teach on Friday nights in the city. It’s finished at 6pm and I usually wander around after and have something to eat. I love Brisbane City especially at night. It’s safe and full of life and it is very pretty. It’s lovely just walking around and being surprised by amazing buskers lining the mall in set spots and people watching, wondering who people are and why they are there… After work? Locals out for night shopping? Tourists? I love it!

I chatted to M on tinder and I think I found him to be one of those people who flick my switch! No not ‘that’ button… The ‘you are irritating’ button. He was nice enough then said some things that were strange. He seemed to have a thing about people cheating and asked if I was a flirt. Before I answered he told me not to lie because he can pick BS a mile away. Really? Assuming I lie already? So I told him I think I am. I then said but not in a sexual way. I enjoy flirtatious fun. I like being cheeky and having fun with people to hopefully make them feel good and smile. I often walk past a woman I don’t know and tell her something i noticed like ‘your hair looks really lovely’ or ‘you look so pretty in that dress’. I love the way they smile and instantly their confidence picks up. I call that flirting in a friendly way. So yes, when he asked directly do I flirt I said yes.

He didn’t like that and when I explained similar to above he text that he thinks I’m now trying to dig my way out of a hole. Right…. But I’m not in one in my eyes. I thought we were having a text conversation not a war!

imageThat aside, he asked to meet me and for my phone number. He didn’t communicate too much after that and I have a theory on this I’ll share a other time. We arranged Friday night. So back to my Friday night thing…any guy I’ve met Friday nights were duds. I also think I knew this when suggesting Friday night. I’m there, it’s not personal space as it’s not near my home at all, I can do my class then just change and meet. Do I shower and make effort? Maybe or maybe not!!! How about a beanie cause it’s cold that’s actually a beanie so I don’t have to do my hair!!! Yeah that happened! Hate me if you will.

He sent me the weirdest text… Ok not THE weirdest but it’s up there!

Later on….. Let’s play a game.

I’ll tell you a secret if you tell me a secret and your not allowed to ask any questions about that secret😊

I read it a few times with a frown on my face trying to work out WTF it meant! So you tell me something personal (when I don’t know you) and want me to tell you something personal but then we can’t talk about it?? WHY???

I replied ‘That’s weird’

His reply and let’s try to ignore the grammar issues

Your telling me!!!!

LJ my mate made me do it. I knew it!!! I didn’t want to

Anyway that was weird

I was as at the gym ready for zumba class and greeting the ladies. Viv is one of my gorgeous ‘stalkers’ (said in a very fun positive way!) she is always in classes I take in that area, loves zumba and loves my style of class. We have also developed a lovely friendship I cherish. She loves her weekly updates on guys I’ve met and is a fantastic co-eye roller!!! Whilst sitting with her I get a text saying

Looking forward to meeting you. Be yourself and have fun😊

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Really??? This is a soccer team and we are in year four? You need to give me a pre game pep talk? Dude… I’m always myself.

Anyway, great zumba class then I had clothes and make up and hair styling tools and 45 minutes to get ready. What did I do instead? Sat with Viv and enjoyed an awesome chat about her man and his ex and the interesting life they have both had together. Personal challenges and real life. I loved it. I had about 20 minutes left to get ready so Viv came into the bathroom with me to continue chatting … It’s a girl thing!!

I changed my sweaty underwear and freshened up some girl bits at the basin. It’s winter here so sweaty clothes are not a good idea in night air. I threw on some jeans, warm top, boots and had a warm jacket. Makeup… Haha just a touch up no effort… Oh come on, I’m just booootifull naturally! Hahahaha well let’s just say I did minimal.

Now this is something girls will understand. I had access to hair dryers and straighteners. What did I do? Nothing!!! I had wet messy hair as its curly and I straighten it and it gets wet from sweat again! I put on a beanie!

Seriously, I really didn’t try hard at all. Then I went down stairs. I had some spare time so I went and booked flights to America! As you do right?? I text him and he was late anyway so all good.

As soon as I saw him I knew there was absolutely no chance of attraction. Not my style. We walk different paths. I know you can always dress a man who has no idea regarding fashion but it says a lot about interests and style of a person. I’m no high-fashion girl but I do stay modern and dress nicely. You can look great with minimal effort and expense if you care about that sort of thing. Let’s say that he looked like where he lived. He also looked older than his age but told me how all his workmates think he is younger … Hmmm maybe being polite? Not a fitness person but that’s no deal breaker.

I ask if he has eaten and he said yes but he could eat again. I asked if he wanted to though. He said he didn’t mind. Ok another point here.. I want a man who is decisive and assertive or at least smart enough to realise I am hungry and makes an effort to sort that out. We went to the restaurant right there as I know they have tapas which makes things easy.

I order three small plates and water and he has a large cider. We talk and one of the first things he asks is why don’t I have nicer photos on my tinder profile? Long story short… He saw my Facebook come up as a suggested friend (happens based on having someone’s phone number) so he looked around (ok we all do it but to TELL someone you stalked their Facebook???). Anyway he said I had way better photos on my FB than on tinder. Hmmm kinda rude and insulting. I let it slide … Moving on …

He tells me that I ‘don’t mind to eat food do I?’ Ahhhh … That’s why we ordered food… To eat … And I’m hungry …. Food is a good thing to eat to stay alive? Moving on….

The Broncos (NRL football) were playing and there was a screen above his head that I was sneaking looks at. It became difficult to not noticeably take interest in it as the Broncos were getting smashed!!! That wasn’t hard either as his conversation was not interesting although I did my best to remain interested.

He asked some detailed questions and I answered them… Any siblings, where my parents live. Are they still together. Then he said did I have some questions for him? I said not really as I prefer to just have conversations and the things we want to say just naturally come out.

I am a people watcher. I find it is more common for me to notice things because I’m always sober. I’m always on the same level of mindset and being a ‘single girl dating’, very aware of my surroundings. I noticed a couple walking by. He was tall, well dressed, looked like he was averagely fit. She was very short, terribly dressed and very large. Good on them holding hands off to some social engagement together and seemed happy but how did they meet? Yes this can seem judgmental but seriously, how did that happen? Not saying it cannot I’m just wondering what brought them together because society says otherwise. Does he like larger short girls? Does she like standing on stools to kiss him?

So I said ‘Oooh look at that Interesting couple!’
He said ‘You like people watching don’t you?’ I said ‘Yes I find it fascinating coming up with ideas on where people come from and why they are here at this moment and how people met.’
He said ‘You think they shouldn’t be together don’t you?’
I said ‘I never said that.’
He said ‘Yes you did’ (by the way he was agreeing)
I said ‘No… If you remember the word I used was ‘interesting’ and you chose to assume the negative when I was not being negative at all just inquisitive.’
He then said ‘You are particular with words aren’t you?’
I said ‘Yes I believe words are very important. It isn’t what a person says bit the words they choose to say it with that tells the story.’

Next was asking if I had lived overseas. I asked why did he ask that and he said because I sound like I have an accent. I asked what accent do I have and he said he doesn’t know yet. Hmmm ok…. I then said what do I sound like and he said well not like a typical Aussie and certainly not a bogan. Right…. Ok then! OMG. I told him I do a lot of public speaking, especially during the instructor trainings overseas and I enjoy proper English language so possibly, I speak clearly and with good pronunciation … Actually slower and more clearly when overseas. He said yes. Geez!!! I sound strange because I don’t speak too lazily… Just another pick at me I was getting less surprised by each time.

He asks if I mind him ordering another drink. OMG I DO!!! So I politely say of course not. He orders another giant cider and I add another half hour of punishment… Glad I could see the football behind him! Oooh close up of Corey Parker my husband crush. Such a sexy man!!!  #shamelesseyecandy image

He also says that he thinks people who don’t ask questions are not people who are interested in other people’s lives. Ahh I see… Another ‘pick at Cass’ moment. I pause and take a breath. I reply that I don’t think that at all and as mentioned earlier, great conversations naturally fall into information being shared without questions. I don’t feel like I know you well enough for example, to be asking you a range of personal questions and feeling like I’m interrogating you. If you feel comfortable to share things you will, and I have learnt many things about you. (Like your negativity and constant need to pick at me and put me down which I am politely overlooking)

He then said ‘you don’t react to much do you?’
I questioned this
He continued ‘Well I have said some things that could have made you upset and you didn’t notice’.
I let out a cheeky laugh and looked at him all
Cute as I pointed to my head and said ‘oh no, it’s all being stored in here and I notice everything actually’

He said ‘Do you know that when you talk you use your face a lot and your eye does this weird thing? It’s funny’. As he chuckled to himself.
I said that I hope so because I use my face a lot when communicating when on stage and when doing my best to make people feel comfortable and relaxed. Plus that I was glad my “Botox” isn’t overdone (shout out to my injection magician Emma Taylor #injexclinics) Ha!!! Yeah guy..I get anti wrinkle injections and I love them!!!!

ANYTHING ELSE you want to pick at? Let’s be honest here. In the looks department if we want to be picky, he was falling way behind so why he felt he had a right to pick at me continually I do not know!!! To make him feel bigger?

He needed to use the bathroom so I used it as a ‘let’s take off’ (separately) point. As we walked to the cashier I got out my wallet. As soon as we stopped he said ‘So we will go halves yeah?’
I said ‘sure’ as I shook my head as rolled my eyes to myself
The waitress let us know there was a surcharge using cards. I had cash but he didn’t. No way he was going to pay for it all. I could have given him cash but Nooo. So I said it’s ok, just halve it and I’ll pay the extra!! That’s what we did. He needed exactly half!!

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I asked him where he parked and he said he wasn’t sure but took photos so he could find it again. We walked down the mall and I was off first to my usual spot and said ‘give me a hug’ to be nice and I left so relived! I would have run of he couldn’t see me!

In the morning I got the following texts

You wouldn’t believe what happened to me last night.

On the way back to my car I realised I forgot which carpark I parked in lol. Spent 2:30hrs looking for it and still can’t find it😜😜😜. I had to catch a cab home. About to have another look today. I even have the ticket and rang the number and they can’t help me. No one can find my car!!!!

He had told me at our amazing meeting that he knows when I read his texts because we both have IM so I didn’t want to ignore him although I really didn’t know what to say! My reply

‘Wow’

His next text

But on another note. The ball is in your court. I had a good think about it (while searching for a car). I like the way your mind works, really interesting.

It’s up to you whether you want to catch up again. If not, it was one of the most pleasant dates I’ve had.

Seriously???

imageLet’s break this down…
You are not physically attractive, we have little in common that this would make more attractive. If we dated you would continually pick at me and put me down. You would put words into my mouth I did not use. You are not a gentleman or a provider being ‘the man’ and taking care of things. You told me to pay half and that included your giant ciders when I don’t drink at all… If we are being specific. I was happy to pay but maybe on my suggestion or offer? I would rather pay the whole lot than be told to pay half by you! Then you can’t even find your car so how could you ever look after me? I wouldn’t tell a woman that car story at least not straight away. Down the track it might be hilarious but at that point … Embarrassingly unattractive and what a dick!!

Why did I agree to meet him? No more. But he made for some good blog material and hopefully makes other men out there feel great about themselves!

Oh my response to him

Thank you ‘Name’
There’s not much point us continuing to communicate
Hope the car was found

Eye roll
Eye roll
Eye roll
Followed of course by a Watsap conversation with Naomi and some more eye rolling

Dear males… Get your shit together
❤️ Cass

The tall and the short of it

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Back in London and Naomi’s testing out tall vs short…

It didn’t happen on purpose: what I mean is, I didn’t purposely look for a short guy and a tall guy to date in one week. It just happened!

Most people mention on their dating profile how tall they are. But when a guy doesn’t you kind of assume he must be below average to short. It’s not always true but some careful detective work will reveal all, especially if they are standing next to other people in their photos or next to things that you know the size of – a doorway, car etc… you get the idea.

Recently I went on a date with a short guy (literally the same height as me) and a super tall guy, who at 6’4″ towered over me! Actually I went to the same pub with both of them – one on Tuesday lunch time and the other on a Thursday evening which was a last minute arrangement since he was ‘passing through’ where I live.

Both men well educated and with good careers.

Mr Short was chatty, confident – although he later told me he’d been nervous, can’t think why..?!  – and a gentleman. We joked around a bit. I didn’t feel any instant attraction or chemistry if I’m honest but conversation was really good.

The height isn’t an issue in itself, but as a woman I like to have a guy who is taller and bigger than me. It makes me feel protected, safe and dainty (if that’s possible!)

My ex husband was below average height and although taller than me I remember (with pain) getting rid of a bunch of beautiful heels because they all made me taller than him. I didn’t want to be looking down to him and I know he wouldn’t have liked that at all.

Previously I’ve asked guys who haven’t specified on their profile their height, but only if we were arranging to meet and I wanted to be sure to wear an appropriate height heel. Some didn’t understand that – why would they, they’re men and probably not thinking about the show situation – and almost took offence. “Oh, you’re height-ist!”

Uh no, I just want to make sure I get my outfit right, you don’t feel emasculated walking around with a giant and I don’t feel like a complete idiot for turning up with heels on that make me feel like I’ve made a terrible mistake!

If I’d shown up to the date with Mr Short donning the 6 inch heels I’d worn to meet Mr Tall that would have been ridiculous! I didn’t actually ask him his height as I could tell from the pics he was quite short so I made sure to wear flats and thank goodness I did: he was literally the same height as me!

What made me feel more uncomfortable was that he was also quite slight. I’m by no means ‘big’ but I do have some meat on me! I don’t want to feel like a whale next to a man. What woman does?!

But, everyone deserves a second date (unless of course they don’t…!)

I didn’t have to wait long for Mr Short to ask me out again. I did find the incessant sending of selfies a bit much though.

 

Mr Tall had been in touch on Inner Circle while he was on holiday in Disney Land with his family a few weeks ago… Read what you want into that. I wasn’t sure about him to be honest but I’m trying to be more open minded and not just go for guys who I feel an instant physical attraction to.

He had texted me Thursday morning saying he’d be passing through where I live that evening and did I want to meet up. Normally I would have been teaching but that was the morning I’d had a small procedure in hospital and wasn’t able to teach so I said yes I could meet him.

The pub is about 10 minutes walk from my house and it was a pleasant evening so I made my way through the park and along the Grove until I reached the pub on time. He was late. Not a massive fan of guys being late especially when they don’t tell you. It was busy but I got myself a drink and managed to find a table. I’d texted him to ask if he wanted me to get him one but no answer and I wasn’t about to guess.

It didn’t take him too long to arrive, he got himself and drink and joined me.

We chatted pretty easily – it would be hard not to when you first meet someone after all you don’t know them at all so there’s plenty to ask and find out about. It didn’t take him long to ask me about whether I wanted to get married again. I’ve always thought this was not the done thing, bringing up marriage and kids in a first conversation. Isn’t that what men say about ‘crazy’ women..?

I’m not the kind of woman who is desperate to get married and have kids. As you know, I’ve been married before (It was the best day of my life. Ever.) but I’m in no rush to get married again. Some women really want to have children: they have a deep desire to be mothers and that is wonderful. I’m not one of those women.

I’m open to having children (although if you know me you’ll be wondering how on earth I wouldn’t pass out / actually die during childbirth…!) but it’s not a priority in my life. I think I’m a bit selfish… I’m a feeling person, and if I was with someone and we were in a loving relationship and we both felt we wanted at that time to have children then I would. But not just to have kids and tick a box or feel like I have made it as a woman because I have children.

I responded to Mr Tall’s question about marriage and swiftly started talking about something else to change the subject. His face dropped.

I said: ‘I feel like you’re judging me.’

Mr Tall explained that his expression was often mistaken for being serious or judgemental but in reality he was just thinking about something I’d said before. I asked what it was and he went on to say it was about me not particularly wanting to get married again.

Bit dramatic! Come on, we only met about an hour ago!

This is the trouble with online dating: it all gets rushed and weird. Meeting someone naturally the relationship evolves in an organic way. When you meet someone online it’s all or nothing right now. It’s weird and when you’re not interested or they’re not it feels like you’ve just wasted your time.

Mr Tall had driven and asked if we could jump in his car, go back to his area of London and hang out more so he could have another drink or two. In my head I thought: ‘You selfish p*ick. I’ve had an op this morning and you want me to come your way, drink and then you either hope you can get me in bed – not gonna happen – or I’ll be left to find my own way home!’

What I actually said: “I’d rather stay here if that’s ok with you given that I’ve had this op this morning and would like to stay close to home.”

He seemed disappointed. Ugh you are so not the man for me.

We had another drink and then he left and I went to join friends in another bar nearby.

Saturday night I got a text: “No word from you. Assume no spark and you didn’t fancy the slower ‘getting to know you’?! All the best.”

Seriously?! I just replied: “Why did you assume that?”

Ok, so I wasn’t interested and he had correctly assumed. But why assume because I hadn’t been in touch? It wasn’t like he’d taken me on some extraordinary date that prompted me to want to be in touch and thank him or say I had a great time. I was trying to make a point that he was being ridiculous.

He didn’t reply. Sunday afternoon: “Ok. How active do you think you can be now? Plans for this evening? Got something potentially amazingly fun for you!”

He wanted me to go trampolining…

Trying hard. Not attentive to the other person. Has issues. Not for me.

We haven’t spoken again.

 

I saw Mr Short once more for lunch. He’s so full of energy I can’t cope – one of those people who talks and talks but I’m not sure how much they actually take in about the other person. He would definitely start to p*ss me off if we were in any kind of relationship.

 

So, height doesn’t really come into it. We all have issues, quirks, good qualities and irritating ones… we just try to find someone who we ‘fit’ with. On with the search!

SingleNaomi x

 

Update since I wrote this: Mr Tall texted today asking if I wanted to go to Wimbledon with him tomorrow. Haven’t spoken for weeks!

Don’t forget to follow the blog so you don’t miss out on our adventures!

 

 

Eyes Guy #2

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imageMeanwhile …. The Eyes Guy story continues …

See Eyes Guys Intro for the start of the story

This story will more than likely have a number of editions
It has a lot of bends in the road we drive down over a long time
Some of those bends are a little too sharp and unpredictable to follow.

There are parts that may hit a raw wound with some readers and for those who know this story all I ask is that you understand that this is MY story to share. Is it all real and is it unaffected by creative licence? Is your version different to mine …. Maybe. We all take things in our own way to rationalise and process. We have our own opinions and feelings. Life, relationships, feelings … They are all open to interpretation and. Those who know me also know there is no malice within me and never would I aim to hurt another person.

And so it continues…

Less than two weeks after Eyes Guys and I met we were no longer talking. I don’t ever fall so much so fast for anyone.

(Haha just ask the frustrated single guys dating!!)

This was different though. I wanted to talk more, know more, kiss more. I was sucked in. I knew nothing about him but felt like I knew him without words. I knew nothing about his life until this point and I didn’t care about who what or why. A past is what makes you who you are but your personal past is yours not mine. If you choose to share information about it with me then that’s great but I value who a person is now. Who I see them to be. I don’t judge a person on their past unless it affects the present negatively and that includes me.

I was devastated and had no idea what happened. It all happened so fast and I just sat there shocked as I heard the words ‘I don’t want to see you again’. It had something to do with his past and someone or some people in it. Anyway, I couldn’t ask and I couldn’t do anything to change the outcome. I tried to call to talk to him but he didn’t take my call. I sent a text but it wasn’t answered. I accepted it and that was that.

A few months later I sent him a text and said

I really liked the person I saw you to be and I would like to think we could be friends. How would you feel about having a coffee one day?

He replied and said he would like that
I needed to go teach classes in Asia and said when I get back I’ll be in touch to organise something.

When I returned a few weeks later I had some tickets to the Brisbane Show we call the Ekka and asked him when the last time was that he went on rides and acted like a kid. We organised to go together.

It was nice to see him again. As you have learnt, I’m able to separate my emotions and accept when things change and how people feel about that. We were two nice people hanging out and laughing and having fun for the day.

We walked over to the show and chatted and I took him to one of the performances I was really interested to see which was a male tap dance group. As they began Eyes Guy leans over with this enthralled look on his face and tells me

This is awesome!!! Thank you for bringing me to this’

In conversation it turned out that he had never experienced such a show before. Being that my world is full of Dance, I loved the show but expected to. He thought we were going to watch a bunch of little girls in leotards making banging noises. What he experienced was 20-30 year old guys in cool clothes tapping away to funky beats and modern sounds. Some humour thrown in and some obvious friendships between them and Eyes Guy couldn’t help but be impressed. It was so nice to see his reaction.

We had a fun day through crowded paths and found some excellent exhibits and shows to entertain us. We went on a crazy ride and then off we went to the night show that included monster trucks and fireworks.

Now there was one point where we were going to choose a ride to go on and I looked down the alley and it was SO crowded. I’m not a fan of crowds. I looked down there to the masses of people and stopped. I looked at Eyes Guy and made a questioning face of ‘eeek’ and offered him my hand. He took it and we ventured through the crowd to our ride holding hands so as to not get lost.

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Now I, in all my innocence, meant nothing more than ‘hold my hand?’ But was surprised that from then on, my hand was never alone and when standing still I was held with arms wrapped around me and when watching the fireworks had puppy dog eyes looking up at me. For all the intuition I have and all the things I apparently know, I did not expect this and didn’t understand what was going on. He made it very clear a few months back that he was not interested in me that way and I accepted this. Even throughout all of this, I just reminded myself there was nothing more than friends going on and shrugged it off.

We walked back to my car afterwards and he still had my hand in his. I still naively went along with it. He left me at my car at the end of the night. We did have a lot of fun and it was nice to just spend time with no plans, laughing together. I really enjoy random basic things. Spontaneous fun. Good times and warm memories.

Time to go and I thanked him for a great day and gave him a hug. I pull away from the hug to get in my car and he kisses me!!!

Now I have explained Eyes Guy kisses. To this day I’m waiting for another man to step up and take over the crown for ‘Best kisser ever’ but I’m starting to think that won’t happen and that thought makes me sad! I LOVE kissing but only if it’s goooood. I don’t kiss easily and I don’t kiss many men but when I do I want to melt right into it and lose thoughts of anything around me. So when Eyes Guy surprised me with this kiss I was too weak to even consider what was happening. So yeah, we kept kissing, I melted and I drove home completely shocked and unaware of anything that happened. I had no idea…

imageTwo days later we went for a walk, holding hands along the river front. It was a public holiday for the show. I was doing zumba classes at the show and visited him upon his invitation in between displays. We made out on his couch and it was like smitten teenagers. It was exciting and fun and I still had no idea what was going on. All I knew was that kissing could go on for hours (it kinda did!) and it made me smile. We had passion, connection and it was so different to anything.

Every person you meet you find attraction in, in different ways.

You can meet someone and have instant attraction. You can sense them, feel them. Be smitten by them, be drawn to them and the chemistry can be ridiculous.
You can meet another who you have equally as much care for but it takes time find that chemistry and desire for more. They are the ones you are obviously physically attracted to but more reserved with. They take time to build into something deep and meaningful. You know they are a wonderful person. You feel lucky to have them in your life. They tick many boxes but you just don’t have that ‘let’s do this’ excitement straight up.

Are either of them bad or is one better than the other? I used to question this and you try to do things differently than what didn’t work. I’ve come to realise you can’t make the rules. We all know couples who have been together half their life who met and that was it, they got married had kids and love each other more and more every day fifty years on.

We also know of couples who met and broke up. They had other relationships but always remembered each other. Years later they run into each other again or for whatever reason meet again. The passion returns and they fall in love. Who knows what’s best except for you: I believe in timing being everything.

I met and loved a beautiful man who was so perfect in so many ways but i always struggled with feeling like he wasn’t ready for me. It turned out I was right. I broke it off with him and it broke my heart. It was the last thing I wanted but I felt like it was what needed to be done. It hurt. In time he agreed. He needed time to be single. It was too soon after his last relationship (remember my questions when meeting someone new… How long have you been single?) and we all need time to heal. He hasn’t done this and as much as the thought he was over ‘her’ he hadn’t gotten over the experience. What I ended up with and still to this day have, is an amazing true friend with a friendship full of respect and love. I also inherited some new big brothers and it makes me smile.

We meet people at different times in our lives for different reasons. Who knows why I met Eyes Guy. To this day I still don’t know. I have my suspicions. We can talk about them later. This Eyes Guy story has only just begun…

Enjoy the moment and don’t close yourself off to anything. Life is short and love is everywhere in many different forms.

❤️ Cass