The ‘picker’

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Meanwhile back in Brisbane …

Why do I do this to myself? Why am I far too nice and why do I agree to meet guys I just know are not compatible? I feel bad and sometimes I go ‘OK’ way too easily and next thing I’m stuck in a cafe with Mister ‘Gahhhh’ unable to leave without being rude.

I thought about it and realised #warningtopotentialmen that Friday night is my ‘Gahhh whatever’ night. You see, I have a  Zumba class I teach on Friday nights in the city. It’s finished at 6pm and I usually wander around after and have something to eat. I love Brisbane City especially at night. It’s safe and full of life and it is very pretty. It’s lovely just walking around and being surprised by amazing buskers lining the mall in set spots and people watching, wondering who people are and why they are there… After work? Locals out for night shopping? Tourists? I love it!

I chatted to M on tinder and I think I found him to be one of those people who flick my switch! No not ‘that’ button… The ‘you are irritating’ button. He was nice enough then said some things that were strange. He seemed to have a thing about people cheating and asked if I was a flirt. Before I answered he told me not to lie because he can pick BS a mile away. Really? Assuming I lie already? So I told him I think I am. I then said but not in a sexual way. I enjoy flirtatious fun. I like being cheeky and having fun with people to hopefully make them feel good and smile. I often walk past a woman I don’t know and tell her something i noticed like ‘your hair looks really lovely’ or ‘you look so pretty in that dress’. I love the way they smile and instantly their confidence picks up. I call that flirting in a friendly way. So yes, when he asked directly do I flirt I said yes.

He didn’t like that and when I explained similar to above he text that he thinks I’m now trying to dig my way out of a hole. Right…. But I’m not in one in my eyes. I thought we were having a text conversation not a war!

imageThat aside, he asked to meet me and for my phone number. He didn’t communicate too much after that and I have a theory on this I’ll share a other time. We arranged Friday night. So back to my Friday night thing…any guy I’ve met Friday nights were duds. I also think I knew this when suggesting Friday night. I’m there, it’s not personal space as it’s not near my home at all, I can do my class then just change and meet. Do I shower and make effort? Maybe or maybe not!!! How about a beanie cause it’s cold that’s actually a beanie so I don’t have to do my hair!!! Yeah that happened! Hate me if you will.

He sent me the weirdest text… Ok not THE weirdest but it’s up there!

Later on….. Let’s play a game.

I’ll tell you a secret if you tell me a secret and your not allowed to ask any questions about that secret😊

I read it a few times with a frown on my face trying to work out WTF it meant! So you tell me something personal (when I don’t know you) and want me to tell you something personal but then we can’t talk about it?? WHY???

I replied ‘That’s weird’

His reply and let’s try to ignore the grammar issues

Your telling me!!!!

LJ my mate made me do it. I knew it!!! I didn’t want to

Anyway that was weird

I was as at the gym ready for zumba class and greeting the ladies. Viv is one of my gorgeous ‘stalkers’ (said in a very fun positive way!) she is always in classes I take in that area, loves zumba and loves my style of class. We have also developed a lovely friendship I cherish. She loves her weekly updates on guys I’ve met and is a fantastic co-eye roller!!! Whilst sitting with her I get a text saying

Looking forward to meeting you. Be yourself and have fun😊

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Really??? This is a soccer team and we are in year four? You need to give me a pre game pep talk? Dude… I’m always myself.

Anyway, great zumba class then I had clothes and make up and hair styling tools and 45 minutes to get ready. What did I do instead? Sat with Viv and enjoyed an awesome chat about her man and his ex and the interesting life they have both had together. Personal challenges and real life. I loved it. I had about 20 minutes left to get ready so Viv came into the bathroom with me to continue chatting … It’s a girl thing!!

I changed my sweaty underwear and freshened up some girl bits at the basin. It’s winter here so sweaty clothes are not a good idea in night air. I threw on some jeans, warm top, boots and had a warm jacket. Makeup… Haha just a touch up no effort… Oh come on, I’m just booootifull naturally! Hahahaha well let’s just say I did minimal.

Now this is something girls will understand. I had access to hair dryers and straighteners. What did I do? Nothing!!! I had wet messy hair as its curly and I straighten it and it gets wet from sweat again! I put on a beanie!

Seriously, I really didn’t try hard at all. Then I went down stairs. I had some spare time so I went and booked flights to America! As you do right?? I text him and he was late anyway so all good.

As soon as I saw him I knew there was absolutely no chance of attraction. Not my style. We walk different paths. I know you can always dress a man who has no idea regarding fashion but it says a lot about interests and style of a person. I’m no high-fashion girl but I do stay modern and dress nicely. You can look great with minimal effort and expense if you care about that sort of thing. Let’s say that he looked like where he lived. He also looked older than his age but told me how all his workmates think he is younger … Hmmm maybe being polite? Not a fitness person but that’s no deal breaker.

I ask if he has eaten and he said yes but he could eat again. I asked if he wanted to though. He said he didn’t mind. Ok another point here.. I want a man who is decisive and assertive or at least smart enough to realise I am hungry and makes an effort to sort that out. We went to the restaurant right there as I know they have tapas which makes things easy.

I order three small plates and water and he has a large cider. We talk and one of the first things he asks is why don’t I have nicer photos on my tinder profile? Long story short… He saw my Facebook come up as a suggested friend (happens based on having someone’s phone number) so he looked around (ok we all do it but to TELL someone you stalked their Facebook???). Anyway he said I had way better photos on my FB than on tinder. Hmmm kinda rude and insulting. I let it slide … Moving on …

He tells me that I ‘don’t mind to eat food do I?’ Ahhhh … That’s why we ordered food… To eat … And I’m hungry …. Food is a good thing to eat to stay alive? Moving on….

The Broncos (NRL football) were playing and there was a screen above his head that I was sneaking looks at. It became difficult to not noticeably take interest in it as the Broncos were getting smashed!!! That wasn’t hard either as his conversation was not interesting although I did my best to remain interested.

He asked some detailed questions and I answered them… Any siblings, where my parents live. Are they still together. Then he said did I have some questions for him? I said not really as I prefer to just have conversations and the things we want to say just naturally come out.

I am a people watcher. I find it is more common for me to notice things because I’m always sober. I’m always on the same level of mindset and being a ‘single girl dating’, very aware of my surroundings. I noticed a couple walking by. He was tall, well dressed, looked like he was averagely fit. She was very short, terribly dressed and very large. Good on them holding hands off to some social engagement together and seemed happy but how did they meet? Yes this can seem judgmental but seriously, how did that happen? Not saying it cannot I’m just wondering what brought them together because society says otherwise. Does he like larger short girls? Does she like standing on stools to kiss him?

So I said ‘Oooh look at that Interesting couple!’
He said ‘You like people watching don’t you?’ I said ‘Yes I find it fascinating coming up with ideas on where people come from and why they are here at this moment and how people met.’
He said ‘You think they shouldn’t be together don’t you?’
I said ‘I never said that.’
He said ‘Yes you did’ (by the way he was agreeing)
I said ‘No… If you remember the word I used was ‘interesting’ and you chose to assume the negative when I was not being negative at all just inquisitive.’
He then said ‘You are particular with words aren’t you?’
I said ‘Yes I believe words are very important. It isn’t what a person says bit the words they choose to say it with that tells the story.’

Next was asking if I had lived overseas. I asked why did he ask that and he said because I sound like I have an accent. I asked what accent do I have and he said he doesn’t know yet. Hmmm ok…. I then said what do I sound like and he said well not like a typical Aussie and certainly not a bogan. Right…. Ok then! OMG. I told him I do a lot of public speaking, especially during the instructor trainings overseas and I enjoy proper English language so possibly, I speak clearly and with good pronunciation … Actually slower and more clearly when overseas. He said yes. Geez!!! I sound strange because I don’t speak too lazily… Just another pick at me I was getting less surprised by each time.

He asks if I mind him ordering another drink. OMG I DO!!! So I politely say of course not. He orders another giant cider and I add another half hour of punishment… Glad I could see the football behind him! Oooh close up of Corey Parker my husband crush. Such a sexy man!!!  #shamelesseyecandy image

He also says that he thinks people who don’t ask questions are not people who are interested in other people’s lives. Ahh I see… Another ‘pick at Cass’ moment. I pause and take a breath. I reply that I don’t think that at all and as mentioned earlier, great conversations naturally fall into information being shared without questions. I don’t feel like I know you well enough for example, to be asking you a range of personal questions and feeling like I’m interrogating you. If you feel comfortable to share things you will, and I have learnt many things about you. (Like your negativity and constant need to pick at me and put me down which I am politely overlooking)

He then said ‘you don’t react to much do you?’
I questioned this
He continued ‘Well I have said some things that could have made you upset and you didn’t notice’.
I let out a cheeky laugh and looked at him all
Cute as I pointed to my head and said ‘oh no, it’s all being stored in here and I notice everything actually’

He said ‘Do you know that when you talk you use your face a lot and your eye does this weird thing? It’s funny’. As he chuckled to himself.
I said that I hope so because I use my face a lot when communicating when on stage and when doing my best to make people feel comfortable and relaxed. Plus that I was glad my “Botox” isn’t overdone (shout out to my injection magician Emma Taylor #injexclinics) Ha!!! Yeah guy..I get anti wrinkle injections and I love them!!!!

ANYTHING ELSE you want to pick at? Let’s be honest here. In the looks department if we want to be picky, he was falling way behind so why he felt he had a right to pick at me continually I do not know!!! To make him feel bigger?

He needed to use the bathroom so I used it as a ‘let’s take off’ (separately) point. As we walked to the cashier I got out my wallet. As soon as we stopped he said ‘So we will go halves yeah?’
I said ‘sure’ as I shook my head as rolled my eyes to myself
The waitress let us know there was a surcharge using cards. I had cash but he didn’t. No way he was going to pay for it all. I could have given him cash but Nooo. So I said it’s ok, just halve it and I’ll pay the extra!! That’s what we did. He needed exactly half!!

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I asked him where he parked and he said he wasn’t sure but took photos so he could find it again. We walked down the mall and I was off first to my usual spot and said ‘give me a hug’ to be nice and I left so relived! I would have run of he couldn’t see me!

In the morning I got the following texts

You wouldn’t believe what happened to me last night.

On the way back to my car I realised I forgot which carpark I parked in lol. Spent 2:30hrs looking for it and still can’t find it😜😜😜. I had to catch a cab home. About to have another look today. I even have the ticket and rang the number and they can’t help me. No one can find my car!!!!

He had told me at our amazing meeting that he knows when I read his texts because we both have IM so I didn’t want to ignore him although I really didn’t know what to say! My reply

‘Wow’

His next text

But on another note. The ball is in your court. I had a good think about it (while searching for a car). I like the way your mind works, really interesting.

It’s up to you whether you want to catch up again. If not, it was one of the most pleasant dates I’ve had.

Seriously???

imageLet’s break this down…
You are not physically attractive, we have little in common that this would make more attractive. If we dated you would continually pick at me and put me down. You would put words into my mouth I did not use. You are not a gentleman or a provider being ‘the man’ and taking care of things. You told me to pay half and that included your giant ciders when I don’t drink at all… If we are being specific. I was happy to pay but maybe on my suggestion or offer? I would rather pay the whole lot than be told to pay half by you! Then you can’t even find your car so how could you ever look after me? I wouldn’t tell a woman that car story at least not straight away. Down the track it might be hilarious but at that point … Embarrassingly unattractive and what a dick!!

Why did I agree to meet him? No more. But he made for some good blog material and hopefully makes other men out there feel great about themselves!

Oh my response to him

Thank you ‘Name’
There’s not much point us continuing to communicate
Hope the car was found

Eye roll
Eye roll
Eye roll
Followed of course by a Watsap conversation with Naomi and some more eye rolling

Dear males… Get your shit together
❤️ Cass

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Big Penis Guy #1

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I visited my doctor to check that my vagina wasn’t broken!!
We (my awesome doctor and I) were in fits of laughter as I explained that although I have not slept with many men since being single, I seem to have been dating men with giant penises.  Or hang on, do I have a deformed vagina they won’t fit in?

‘How big are we talking Cass?’

I proceeded to give her hand examples of length and width and even she looked afraid! We laughed so much during that visit.

I met this particular guy online and chatted a bit. I should have started to put things together as he was a terrible typist on his phone as his big man hands with fat fingers pressed the wrong buttons all the time… Big hands, big feet…hmm

He seemed to say the right things and appeared to be nice enough. After a while of message sending we talked on the phone a few times. Then we met for a walk along the river one evening, deciding to then go and have a casual dinner nearby. He was a gentleman always insisting on paying.

I liked him enough physically. He was tall and strong and very ‘blokey’. Was a little sarcastic which works for me.

Was he handsome? To some people he would be. To me, I liked who he appeared to be and that person seemed like someone I wanted to know more. He became more attractive  to me for a few reasons. I don’t need a picture perfect Ken Doll like Barbie does.  A man can become sexier when I find things I like that aren’t just physical.

The next day we joked about me going to his work Christmas party and I said I wasn’t scared and I went! Was fun. He seemed to enjoy having me there with his work mates (he works in construction)

We dated a little and he was always a gentleman, with me sneaking in and paying for things when I could. My first experience with his ‘package’ scared the crap out of me! I said to him ‘there is no way we can ever have sex’. He said with some practice it will be fine…. You will get used to it.  I argued that point simply. I just shook my head and said

‘ouch’

‘no’

‘won’t fit’

‘ever’

I said we could make a deal and I would promise three blow jobs a week (if we were seeing each other seriously in time) instead of actual penetrative sex.  Not sure he found that very amusing.

Next time we were making out I avoided it again. When it came to the point I couldn’t avoid it any longer he was patient and gentle but it was very challenging. It was like a babies arm!!! It was that big it had its own postcode and it wasn’t even completely hard! (So he said)

Let’s just say I was sore for about five days and even got out a mirror to look at myself and discovered a bit of bruising down there. Not that I’m in a habit of checking my bits out with a mirror.  Therefore the comparison would not have been too obvious, but bruised it definitely was. He wanted to see me again the next night for round two.. Umm NO!!!  Sorry I can’t, very very ‘busy’….gahhhhh!!!

I spent some time with him over a month or so. I stayed at his house and looked up and saw a hook on the roof over to the edge of his bed. Weird. I asked him why it was there and he said that it was for a boxing bag. I asked why a boxing bag would be over his bed? He eventually admitred to me it was for a sex swing and that I would be testing it out as he hadn’t used it yet.
…. Oh ….
Wish I knew this information before I was lying in his bed ready to sleep.  It’s not an easy image to get out of ones head and I don’t even know how that apparatus even works (or why!!)

I was starting to discover my sex life has been quite sheltered until now and I’m ok with this!!! A sex swing has never been on my ‘to do list’ and again, I’m ok with this… Very ok!!
Sex was not easy. I actually felt sorry for him and any guy who has a similar situation going on in his pants region. It must be so frustrating.  They must just want to go hard and fast but instead they have to hold back and keep that giant member under control.

The last time we had sex he got a bit carried away and the pain was incredible! So much so that I reacted by getting my foot and kicking him out of me. I turned on my side trying not to throw up and was getting contracting pain making me cringe. He was kind about it. Won’t go into too much personal detail but this took me to the doctors!

Why am I not seeing him?  It’s not the giant cock that was a deal breaker.   He had an interesting growing up life and although he would deny it, in my opinion, he suffers some anger issues due to this. He easily raises his voice and tells people off. He seems to feel like the world is against him and people are out to get him. He wasn’t happy about me publicly discussing how lovely my ex is and how much I feel blessed with him still being in my life.

Him : ‘I’m not a jealous person’
Me : ‘Right’ (doesn’t seem that way)

I tried to keep in contact as friends but clearly that was too difficult for him to do. He has some nice qualities. He isn’t the guy for me but I can still appreciate him for who he could be to someone else.

We all get to an age where we have a past and some people refer to it as baggage. I prefer not to. I think that the past is what makes us who we are. It’s how you manage your past that defines the person you currently are. None of us are perfect but maybe we can find someone perfect for us. I don’t want ‘broken’ but I’m happy to work with a few minor injuries that will one day heal.  (No… Not referring to my injured vagina here!)

Keep reading for more encounters of big penises and the ‘dicks’ who own them!

 

❤️ Cass