I’m busy too!

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London men: arrogant, insecure and unbelievably busy.

Gross generalisation? I’m not so sure. Ok, maybe.

It’s London and the vast majority of people here are working on their career. They came to the big city to get ahead, make money, build a career. And yes, we’re busy. We’re all so crazily busy.

It all comes down to priorities and it seems that the London man (and woman?)  is not at all interested in building relationships…at least not a lasting one with a female.

They’re interested in getting laid in the cheapest and quickest way possible. So if you don’t live within 30 mins journey time (actually it’s probably more like 15) then you’re out. No one can be bothered. Unless of course as the woman you are happy to go to them.

What happened to chivalry? What happened to a man courting a woman? Trying to win her?

I don’t just blame men. There must be so many of us women who are only too happy to run around after men that they can afford to have become so arrogant and actually just plain rude.

The Lion is 27. He ‘super liked’ me on Tinder. I looked at his photos and instinctively went to swipe left. Then the two short sentences written below caught my attention:

Passionate, very ambitious, fun loving and old fashioned gent. Life’s one massive adventure! 

My eyes flicked up ‘Managing director at The Albero’.*

I looked up the company and I was swayed: He clearly has a head on his shoulders.

Hmmm…perhaps I should broaden my physical requirements.

I swiped right.

He wrote to me immediately. We just clicked. That same evening he asked for my number and then next day he called me. We talked on the phone for two hours.

I have to admit, I did start to get excited. Not only did he pick up a phone and call me – instead of the seemingly endless Whatsapp messaging that is prolific – he spoke with me on the phone all evening and actually wanted to continue the conversation.

And then the thought came: I knew, as soon as I start to get excited something goes wrong. Cass get’s this same feeling and we’d recently talked about it when she’d met one of her most recent dates who seemed so great… oh dear.

The Lion was continually in touch by text and then later that week spoke again on the phone with a lengthy, fun and interesting conversation. I was really excited to meet him the following Tuesday.

He lives in north London – zone 5. I lived west London zone 3 at the time. His office is in Shoreditch – again, miles away.

But Tuesdays I don’t generally teach in the evening except sometimes salsa in Moorgate. The following Tuesday I had a meeting in Old Street and we arranged to meet after that.

As I arrived at the pub I was apprehensive wondering if it would be the same as always – when you get on with them so well on the phone, meet and there’s nothing there…bleh

I walked towards the entrance and there was this tall, handsome man wearing a suit and as I recognised him, in my head I went ‘yes!’ *fist pump*. Cue beaming smile.
We had such a fun time. A couple of drinks. Then we went to a Vietnamese place for dinner. Then to this hidden away bar with the weirdest selection of boudoir furniture and drapes from the ceiling.

By that time – very late – we’d spent about 5 hours together and were giddy and all over each other. Result!

The next time we met was after one of my salsa classes – again, his side of Town. I texted him between classes and he said yes, let’s meet, he was working late. He asked if I’d eaten. No.

We met at the Tramshed. It’s expensive. I was waiting at the bar being chatted up by one of the female barmaids. He called me as he was leaving the office talking with me all the way till he reached the restaurant. Her face when he walked in.

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He’s so charismatic. The kind of guy who everyone notices when he walks in the room. He kissed me and sat down. Our eyes didn’t leave each other from the moment he walked in.

Another incredible night was had. He asked if I was doing anything Sunday. Could we meet up and go to the boat race together? And that it would turn into an evening out and probably Monday together too given it was a bank holiday.

I’m not going to lie. I was really looking forward to it. We didn’t talk too much the rest of that week. We were both busy. That’s ok.

Sunday morning arrived and I hadn’t heard anything. I asked him where he wanted to meet or if something had come up. Later that evening he texted me to say he’d been in hospital with his mum all day and he’d call tomorrow to explain.

He didn’t call. He texted me and told me what had happened. Said we’d try to arrange something that week.

Less and less contact. In the end I took control and said looks like you’ve lost interest, that’s ok. Would have preferred you to just say. I wish you well.

Then came the agreement that yes we were good but wrong time. He was just too busy. He said he wasn’t managing his time well enough with work and friends at the moment and he needed to work on sorting that out.

So I deleted his number to prevent myself from contacting him because I know he would have taken the opportunity but it wasn’t going anywhere. It wasn’t his priority right now.

 

Maybe you’re wondering what happened to the Milkybar Kid. At 37 you’d think he’d be ready to make finding someone a priority right? No. Work. Golf. Stag dos.

We did try to meet up. Occasionally I’d ask and occasionally he would. But we could never make it quite work.

I was at least happy that a man had finally shown some respect and told me. His message out of the blue one day read:

Sorry I’ve not been in touch, just too busy. This isn’t really going to work and isn’t fair on you. I’ve got a mega couple of months coming up with work and I’m away pretty much every other weekend now for weddings and stag dos, then I shall be working the ones when I’m in London. 

Moving on.

 

The Canadian – 29 – was the last straw.

Again, not the type of guy I would normally go for so I wasn’t particularly bothered. Suit. Sales. North London. As it turns out, as full of sh*t as the next guy!

The Canadian was sooo into me. He wanted to talk on the phone. Points won for a good start. Then he FaceTimed me! Woah, I was not ready for that laying in bed with not a lot on… We had a quick chat.

Messages were exchanged and FaceTime calls made over the next couple of weeks as we attempted to find a time when we could meet up. He had a friend visiting and was quite tied up. Golf at the weekend – which I imagined was with his friend. But apparently no, he’d left his friend on his own for pretty much the whole day, and you can’t meet me for a couple of hours…? Alarm bells.

I suggested we leave it since it seemed so difficult to find a time we could both do – bloody life of a fitness instructor working when all the ‘normal’ people are not! But he insisted he really wanted to meet me.

So we settled on a Monday lunchtime.

Sunday night FaceTime and Mr Canada says ‘If we can meet near my office we can grab a quick bite’.

I’m sorry, you what?! You want me to travel 50 mins there and then 50 mins back again for a ‘quick bite’. I don’t think so.

I told him. No.

Again, he insisted he really wanted to meet me… but, and get this: “I need someone who can understand how busy my schedule is”.

Are you kidding me?! What a self-absorbed, arrogant prick.

I explained calmly that I am also busy, whilst I may not have a job with ‘regular hours’. I told him that I was fed up of guys thinking that I have to fit around their busy schedule with no regard for my own. I value my time and my attention and I give it where I want to, where I feel it’s appreciated and it’s worthwhile. This doesn’t sit right with me.

The message was quite a lot longer than that but you get the gist.

He replied ‘I totally understand. I think we should meet and see how it goes.’ Apparently It was unfair of him to short change me on time and was I free to meet Saturday afternoon? I’m sorry, am I supposed to be bowing at your feet?! Who the hell is this guy!

I said I’d think about it.

I did think about it. I thought maybe I was being too pissy because of other “I’m too busy stories.” So later I agreed. What’s the harm in meeting and seeing what happens.

We stayed in touch all week and I flew off last minute to Romania Thursday-Saturday morning. When I landed Saturday I turned on my phone to read:

“Hey are you back? I have food poisoning. I’ve been sick all night.”

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Ugh.

My reply: “Look after yourself Sean”.

He tried to give me some more BS later but I said enough. Number blocked.

I deleted all my dating apps following this.

What on earth will happen next…

 

*Name changed for protection of the Lion’s identity

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The ‘picker’

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Meanwhile back in Brisbane …

Why do I do this to myself? Why am I far too nice and why do I agree to meet guys I just know are not compatible? I feel bad and sometimes I go ‘OK’ way too easily and next thing I’m stuck in a cafe with Mister ‘Gahhhh’ unable to leave without being rude.

I thought about it and realised #warningtopotentialmen that Friday night is my ‘Gahhh whatever’ night. You see, I have a  Zumba class I teach on Friday nights in the city. It’s finished at 6pm and I usually wander around after and have something to eat. I love Brisbane City especially at night. It’s safe and full of life and it is very pretty. It’s lovely just walking around and being surprised by amazing buskers lining the mall in set spots and people watching, wondering who people are and why they are there… After work? Locals out for night shopping? Tourists? I love it!

I chatted to M on tinder and I think I found him to be one of those people who flick my switch! No not ‘that’ button… The ‘you are irritating’ button. He was nice enough then said some things that were strange. He seemed to have a thing about people cheating and asked if I was a flirt. Before I answered he told me not to lie because he can pick BS a mile away. Really? Assuming I lie already? So I told him I think I am. I then said but not in a sexual way. I enjoy flirtatious fun. I like being cheeky and having fun with people to hopefully make them feel good and smile. I often walk past a woman I don’t know and tell her something i noticed like ‘your hair looks really lovely’ or ‘you look so pretty in that dress’. I love the way they smile and instantly their confidence picks up. I call that flirting in a friendly way. So yes, when he asked directly do I flirt I said yes.

He didn’t like that and when I explained similar to above he text that he thinks I’m now trying to dig my way out of a hole. Right…. But I’m not in one in my eyes. I thought we were having a text conversation not a war!

imageThat aside, he asked to meet me and for my phone number. He didn’t communicate too much after that and I have a theory on this I’ll share a other time. We arranged Friday night. So back to my Friday night thing…any guy I’ve met Friday nights were duds. I also think I knew this when suggesting Friday night. I’m there, it’s not personal space as it’s not near my home at all, I can do my class then just change and meet. Do I shower and make effort? Maybe or maybe not!!! How about a beanie cause it’s cold that’s actually a beanie so I don’t have to do my hair!!! Yeah that happened! Hate me if you will.

He sent me the weirdest text… Ok not THE weirdest but it’s up there!

Later on….. Let’s play a game.

I’ll tell you a secret if you tell me a secret and your not allowed to ask any questions about that secret😊

I read it a few times with a frown on my face trying to work out WTF it meant! So you tell me something personal (when I don’t know you) and want me to tell you something personal but then we can’t talk about it?? WHY???

I replied ‘That’s weird’

His reply and let’s try to ignore the grammar issues

Your telling me!!!!

LJ my mate made me do it. I knew it!!! I didn’t want to

Anyway that was weird

I was as at the gym ready for zumba class and greeting the ladies. Viv is one of my gorgeous ‘stalkers’ (said in a very fun positive way!) she is always in classes I take in that area, loves zumba and loves my style of class. We have also developed a lovely friendship I cherish. She loves her weekly updates on guys I’ve met and is a fantastic co-eye roller!!! Whilst sitting with her I get a text saying

Looking forward to meeting you. Be yourself and have fun😊

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Really??? This is a soccer team and we are in year four? You need to give me a pre game pep talk? Dude… I’m always myself.

Anyway, great zumba class then I had clothes and make up and hair styling tools and 45 minutes to get ready. What did I do instead? Sat with Viv and enjoyed an awesome chat about her man and his ex and the interesting life they have both had together. Personal challenges and real life. I loved it. I had about 20 minutes left to get ready so Viv came into the bathroom with me to continue chatting … It’s a girl thing!!

I changed my sweaty underwear and freshened up some girl bits at the basin. It’s winter here so sweaty clothes are not a good idea in night air. I threw on some jeans, warm top, boots and had a warm jacket. Makeup… Haha just a touch up no effort… Oh come on, I’m just booootifull naturally! Hahahaha well let’s just say I did minimal.

Now this is something girls will understand. I had access to hair dryers and straighteners. What did I do? Nothing!!! I had wet messy hair as its curly and I straighten it and it gets wet from sweat again! I put on a beanie!

Seriously, I really didn’t try hard at all. Then I went down stairs. I had some spare time so I went and booked flights to America! As you do right?? I text him and he was late anyway so all good.

As soon as I saw him I knew there was absolutely no chance of attraction. Not my style. We walk different paths. I know you can always dress a man who has no idea regarding fashion but it says a lot about interests and style of a person. I’m no high-fashion girl but I do stay modern and dress nicely. You can look great with minimal effort and expense if you care about that sort of thing. Let’s say that he looked like where he lived. He also looked older than his age but told me how all his workmates think he is younger … Hmmm maybe being polite? Not a fitness person but that’s no deal breaker.

I ask if he has eaten and he said yes but he could eat again. I asked if he wanted to though. He said he didn’t mind. Ok another point here.. I want a man who is decisive and assertive or at least smart enough to realise I am hungry and makes an effort to sort that out. We went to the restaurant right there as I know they have tapas which makes things easy.

I order three small plates and water and he has a large cider. We talk and one of the first things he asks is why don’t I have nicer photos on my tinder profile? Long story short… He saw my Facebook come up as a suggested friend (happens based on having someone’s phone number) so he looked around (ok we all do it but to TELL someone you stalked their Facebook???). Anyway he said I had way better photos on my FB than on tinder. Hmmm kinda rude and insulting. I let it slide … Moving on …

He tells me that I ‘don’t mind to eat food do I?’ Ahhhh … That’s why we ordered food… To eat … And I’m hungry …. Food is a good thing to eat to stay alive? Moving on….

The Broncos (NRL football) were playing and there was a screen above his head that I was sneaking looks at. It became difficult to not noticeably take interest in it as the Broncos were getting smashed!!! That wasn’t hard either as his conversation was not interesting although I did my best to remain interested.

He asked some detailed questions and I answered them… Any siblings, where my parents live. Are they still together. Then he said did I have some questions for him? I said not really as I prefer to just have conversations and the things we want to say just naturally come out.

I am a people watcher. I find it is more common for me to notice things because I’m always sober. I’m always on the same level of mindset and being a ‘single girl dating’, very aware of my surroundings. I noticed a couple walking by. He was tall, well dressed, looked like he was averagely fit. She was very short, terribly dressed and very large. Good on them holding hands off to some social engagement together and seemed happy but how did they meet? Yes this can seem judgmental but seriously, how did that happen? Not saying it cannot I’m just wondering what brought them together because society says otherwise. Does he like larger short girls? Does she like standing on stools to kiss him?

So I said ‘Oooh look at that Interesting couple!’
He said ‘You like people watching don’t you?’ I said ‘Yes I find it fascinating coming up with ideas on where people come from and why they are here at this moment and how people met.’
He said ‘You think they shouldn’t be together don’t you?’
I said ‘I never said that.’
He said ‘Yes you did’ (by the way he was agreeing)
I said ‘No… If you remember the word I used was ‘interesting’ and you chose to assume the negative when I was not being negative at all just inquisitive.’
He then said ‘You are particular with words aren’t you?’
I said ‘Yes I believe words are very important. It isn’t what a person says bit the words they choose to say it with that tells the story.’

Next was asking if I had lived overseas. I asked why did he ask that and he said because I sound like I have an accent. I asked what accent do I have and he said he doesn’t know yet. Hmmm ok…. I then said what do I sound like and he said well not like a typical Aussie and certainly not a bogan. Right…. Ok then! OMG. I told him I do a lot of public speaking, especially during the instructor trainings overseas and I enjoy proper English language so possibly, I speak clearly and with good pronunciation … Actually slower and more clearly when overseas. He said yes. Geez!!! I sound strange because I don’t speak too lazily… Just another pick at me I was getting less surprised by each time.

He asks if I mind him ordering another drink. OMG I DO!!! So I politely say of course not. He orders another giant cider and I add another half hour of punishment… Glad I could see the football behind him! Oooh close up of Corey Parker my husband crush. Such a sexy man!!!  #shamelesseyecandy image

He also says that he thinks people who don’t ask questions are not people who are interested in other people’s lives. Ahh I see… Another ‘pick at Cass’ moment. I pause and take a breath. I reply that I don’t think that at all and as mentioned earlier, great conversations naturally fall into information being shared without questions. I don’t feel like I know you well enough for example, to be asking you a range of personal questions and feeling like I’m interrogating you. If you feel comfortable to share things you will, and I have learnt many things about you. (Like your negativity and constant need to pick at me and put me down which I am politely overlooking)

He then said ‘you don’t react to much do you?’
I questioned this
He continued ‘Well I have said some things that could have made you upset and you didn’t notice’.
I let out a cheeky laugh and looked at him all
Cute as I pointed to my head and said ‘oh no, it’s all being stored in here and I notice everything actually’

He said ‘Do you know that when you talk you use your face a lot and your eye does this weird thing? It’s funny’. As he chuckled to himself.
I said that I hope so because I use my face a lot when communicating when on stage and when doing my best to make people feel comfortable and relaxed. Plus that I was glad my “Botox” isn’t overdone (shout out to my injection magician Emma Taylor #injexclinics) Ha!!! Yeah guy..I get anti wrinkle injections and I love them!!!!

ANYTHING ELSE you want to pick at? Let’s be honest here. In the looks department if we want to be picky, he was falling way behind so why he felt he had a right to pick at me continually I do not know!!! To make him feel bigger?

He needed to use the bathroom so I used it as a ‘let’s take off’ (separately) point. As we walked to the cashier I got out my wallet. As soon as we stopped he said ‘So we will go halves yeah?’
I said ‘sure’ as I shook my head as rolled my eyes to myself
The waitress let us know there was a surcharge using cards. I had cash but he didn’t. No way he was going to pay for it all. I could have given him cash but Nooo. So I said it’s ok, just halve it and I’ll pay the extra!! That’s what we did. He needed exactly half!!

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I asked him where he parked and he said he wasn’t sure but took photos so he could find it again. We walked down the mall and I was off first to my usual spot and said ‘give me a hug’ to be nice and I left so relived! I would have run of he couldn’t see me!

In the morning I got the following texts

You wouldn’t believe what happened to me last night.

On the way back to my car I realised I forgot which carpark I parked in lol. Spent 2:30hrs looking for it and still can’t find it😜😜😜. I had to catch a cab home. About to have another look today. I even have the ticket and rang the number and they can’t help me. No one can find my car!!!!

He had told me at our amazing meeting that he knows when I read his texts because we both have IM so I didn’t want to ignore him although I really didn’t know what to say! My reply

‘Wow’

His next text

But on another note. The ball is in your court. I had a good think about it (while searching for a car). I like the way your mind works, really interesting.

It’s up to you whether you want to catch up again. If not, it was one of the most pleasant dates I’ve had.

Seriously???

imageLet’s break this down…
You are not physically attractive, we have little in common that this would make more attractive. If we dated you would continually pick at me and put me down. You would put words into my mouth I did not use. You are not a gentleman or a provider being ‘the man’ and taking care of things. You told me to pay half and that included your giant ciders when I don’t drink at all… If we are being specific. I was happy to pay but maybe on my suggestion or offer? I would rather pay the whole lot than be told to pay half by you! Then you can’t even find your car so how could you ever look after me? I wouldn’t tell a woman that car story at least not straight away. Down the track it might be hilarious but at that point … Embarrassingly unattractive and what a dick!!

Why did I agree to meet him? No more. But he made for some good blog material and hopefully makes other men out there feel great about themselves!

Oh my response to him

Thank you ‘Name’
There’s not much point us continuing to communicate
Hope the car was found

Eye roll
Eye roll
Eye roll
Followed of course by a Watsap conversation with Naomi and some more eye rolling

Dear males… Get your shit together
❤️ Cass

The tall and the short of it

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Back in London and Naomi’s testing out tall vs short…

It didn’t happen on purpose: what I mean is, I didn’t purposely look for a short guy and a tall guy to date in one week. It just happened!

Most people mention on their dating profile how tall they are. But when a guy doesn’t you kind of assume he must be below average to short. It’s not always true but some careful detective work will reveal all, especially if they are standing next to other people in their photos or next to things that you know the size of – a doorway, car etc… you get the idea.

Recently I went on a date with a short guy (literally the same height as me) and a super tall guy, who at 6’4″ towered over me! Actually I went to the same pub with both of them – one on Tuesday lunch time and the other on a Thursday evening which was a last minute arrangement since he was ‘passing through’ where I live.

Both men well educated and with good careers.

Mr Short was chatty, confident – although he later told me he’d been nervous, can’t think why..?!  – and a gentleman. We joked around a bit. I didn’t feel any instant attraction or chemistry if I’m honest but conversation was really good.

The height isn’t an issue in itself, but as a woman I like to have a guy who is taller and bigger than me. It makes me feel protected, safe and dainty (if that’s possible!)

My ex husband was below average height and although taller than me I remember (with pain) getting rid of a bunch of beautiful heels because they all made me taller than him. I didn’t want to be looking down to him and I know he wouldn’t have liked that at all.

Previously I’ve asked guys who haven’t specified on their profile their height, but only if we were arranging to meet and I wanted to be sure to wear an appropriate height heel. Some didn’t understand that – why would they, they’re men and probably not thinking about the show situation – and almost took offence. “Oh, you’re height-ist!”

Uh no, I just want to make sure I get my outfit right, you don’t feel emasculated walking around with a giant and I don’t feel like a complete idiot for turning up with heels on that make me feel like I’ve made a terrible mistake!

If I’d shown up to the date with Mr Short donning the 6 inch heels I’d worn to meet Mr Tall that would have been ridiculous! I didn’t actually ask him his height as I could tell from the pics he was quite short so I made sure to wear flats and thank goodness I did: he was literally the same height as me!

What made me feel more uncomfortable was that he was also quite slight. I’m by no means ‘big’ but I do have some meat on me! I don’t want to feel like a whale next to a man. What woman does?!

But, everyone deserves a second date (unless of course they don’t…!)

I didn’t have to wait long for Mr Short to ask me out again. I did find the incessant sending of selfies a bit much though.

 

Mr Tall had been in touch on Inner Circle while he was on holiday in Disney Land with his family a few weeks ago… Read what you want into that. I wasn’t sure about him to be honest but I’m trying to be more open minded and not just go for guys who I feel an instant physical attraction to.

He had texted me Thursday morning saying he’d be passing through where I live that evening and did I want to meet up. Normally I would have been teaching but that was the morning I’d had a small procedure in hospital and wasn’t able to teach so I said yes I could meet him.

The pub is about 10 minutes walk from my house and it was a pleasant evening so I made my way through the park and along the Grove until I reached the pub on time. He was late. Not a massive fan of guys being late especially when they don’t tell you. It was busy but I got myself a drink and managed to find a table. I’d texted him to ask if he wanted me to get him one but no answer and I wasn’t about to guess.

It didn’t take him too long to arrive, he got himself and drink and joined me.

We chatted pretty easily – it would be hard not to when you first meet someone after all you don’t know them at all so there’s plenty to ask and find out about. It didn’t take him long to ask me about whether I wanted to get married again. I’ve always thought this was not the done thing, bringing up marriage and kids in a first conversation. Isn’t that what men say about ‘crazy’ women..?

I’m not the kind of woman who is desperate to get married and have kids. As you know, I’ve been married before (It was the best day of my life. Ever.) but I’m in no rush to get married again. Some women really want to have children: they have a deep desire to be mothers and that is wonderful. I’m not one of those women.

I’m open to having children (although if you know me you’ll be wondering how on earth I wouldn’t pass out / actually die during childbirth…!) but it’s not a priority in my life. I think I’m a bit selfish… I’m a feeling person, and if I was with someone and we were in a loving relationship and we both felt we wanted at that time to have children then I would. But not just to have kids and tick a box or feel like I have made it as a woman because I have children.

I responded to Mr Tall’s question about marriage and swiftly started talking about something else to change the subject. His face dropped.

I said: ‘I feel like you’re judging me.’

Mr Tall explained that his expression was often mistaken for being serious or judgemental but in reality he was just thinking about something I’d said before. I asked what it was and he went on to say it was about me not particularly wanting to get married again.

Bit dramatic! Come on, we only met about an hour ago!

This is the trouble with online dating: it all gets rushed and weird. Meeting someone naturally the relationship evolves in an organic way. When you meet someone online it’s all or nothing right now. It’s weird and when you’re not interested or they’re not it feels like you’ve just wasted your time.

Mr Tall had driven and asked if we could jump in his car, go back to his area of London and hang out more so he could have another drink or two. In my head I thought: ‘You selfish p*ick. I’ve had an op this morning and you want me to come your way, drink and then you either hope you can get me in bed – not gonna happen – or I’ll be left to find my own way home!’

What I actually said: “I’d rather stay here if that’s ok with you given that I’ve had this op this morning and would like to stay close to home.”

He seemed disappointed. Ugh you are so not the man for me.

We had another drink and then he left and I went to join friends in another bar nearby.

Saturday night I got a text: “No word from you. Assume no spark and you didn’t fancy the slower ‘getting to know you’?! All the best.”

Seriously?! I just replied: “Why did you assume that?”

Ok, so I wasn’t interested and he had correctly assumed. But why assume because I hadn’t been in touch? It wasn’t like he’d taken me on some extraordinary date that prompted me to want to be in touch and thank him or say I had a great time. I was trying to make a point that he was being ridiculous.

He didn’t reply. Sunday afternoon: “Ok. How active do you think you can be now? Plans for this evening? Got something potentially amazingly fun for you!”

He wanted me to go trampolining…

Trying hard. Not attentive to the other person. Has issues. Not for me.

We haven’t spoken again.

 

I saw Mr Short once more for lunch. He’s so full of energy I can’t cope – one of those people who talks and talks but I’m not sure how much they actually take in about the other person. He would definitely start to p*ss me off if we were in any kind of relationship.

 

So, height doesn’t really come into it. We all have issues, quirks, good qualities and irritating ones… we just try to find someone who we ‘fit’ with. On with the search!

SingleNaomi x

 

Update since I wrote this: Mr Tall texted today asking if I wanted to go to Wimbledon with him tomorrow. Haven’t spoken for weeks!

Don’t forget to follow the blog so you don’t miss out on our adventures!

 

 

Eyes Guy #2

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imageMeanwhile …. The Eyes Guy story continues …

See Eyes Guys Intro for the start of the story

This story will more than likely have a number of editions
It has a lot of bends in the road we drive down over a long time
Some of those bends are a little too sharp and unpredictable to follow.

There are parts that may hit a raw wound with some readers and for those who know this story all I ask is that you understand that this is MY story to share. Is it all real and is it unaffected by creative licence? Is your version different to mine …. Maybe. We all take things in our own way to rationalise and process. We have our own opinions and feelings. Life, relationships, feelings … They are all open to interpretation and. Those who know me also know there is no malice within me and never would I aim to hurt another person.

And so it continues…

Less than two weeks after Eyes Guys and I met we were no longer talking. I don’t ever fall so much so fast for anyone.

(Haha just ask the frustrated single guys dating!!)

This was different though. I wanted to talk more, know more, kiss more. I was sucked in. I knew nothing about him but felt like I knew him without words. I knew nothing about his life until this point and I didn’t care about who what or why. A past is what makes you who you are but your personal past is yours not mine. If you choose to share information about it with me then that’s great but I value who a person is now. Who I see them to be. I don’t judge a person on their past unless it affects the present negatively and that includes me.

I was devastated and had no idea what happened. It all happened so fast and I just sat there shocked as I heard the words ‘I don’t want to see you again’. It had something to do with his past and someone or some people in it. Anyway, I couldn’t ask and I couldn’t do anything to change the outcome. I tried to call to talk to him but he didn’t take my call. I sent a text but it wasn’t answered. I accepted it and that was that.

A few months later I sent him a text and said

I really liked the person I saw you to be and I would like to think we could be friends. How would you feel about having a coffee one day?

He replied and said he would like that
I needed to go teach classes in Asia and said when I get back I’ll be in touch to organise something.

When I returned a few weeks later I had some tickets to the Brisbane Show we call the Ekka and asked him when the last time was that he went on rides and acted like a kid. We organised to go together.

It was nice to see him again. As you have learnt, I’m able to separate my emotions and accept when things change and how people feel about that. We were two nice people hanging out and laughing and having fun for the day.

We walked over to the show and chatted and I took him to one of the performances I was really interested to see which was a male tap dance group. As they began Eyes Guy leans over with this enthralled look on his face and tells me

This is awesome!!! Thank you for bringing me to this’

In conversation it turned out that he had never experienced such a show before. Being that my world is full of Dance, I loved the show but expected to. He thought we were going to watch a bunch of little girls in leotards making banging noises. What he experienced was 20-30 year old guys in cool clothes tapping away to funky beats and modern sounds. Some humour thrown in and some obvious friendships between them and Eyes Guy couldn’t help but be impressed. It was so nice to see his reaction.

We had a fun day through crowded paths and found some excellent exhibits and shows to entertain us. We went on a crazy ride and then off we went to the night show that included monster trucks and fireworks.

Now there was one point where we were going to choose a ride to go on and I looked down the alley and it was SO crowded. I’m not a fan of crowds. I looked down there to the masses of people and stopped. I looked at Eyes Guy and made a questioning face of ‘eeek’ and offered him my hand. He took it and we ventured through the crowd to our ride holding hands so as to not get lost.

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Now I, in all my innocence, meant nothing more than ‘hold my hand?’ But was surprised that from then on, my hand was never alone and when standing still I was held with arms wrapped around me and when watching the fireworks had puppy dog eyes looking up at me. For all the intuition I have and all the things I apparently know, I did not expect this and didn’t understand what was going on. He made it very clear a few months back that he was not interested in me that way and I accepted this. Even throughout all of this, I just reminded myself there was nothing more than friends going on and shrugged it off.

We walked back to my car afterwards and he still had my hand in his. I still naively went along with it. He left me at my car at the end of the night. We did have a lot of fun and it was nice to just spend time with no plans, laughing together. I really enjoy random basic things. Spontaneous fun. Good times and warm memories.

Time to go and I thanked him for a great day and gave him a hug. I pull away from the hug to get in my car and he kisses me!!!

Now I have explained Eyes Guy kisses. To this day I’m waiting for another man to step up and take over the crown for ‘Best kisser ever’ but I’m starting to think that won’t happen and that thought makes me sad! I LOVE kissing but only if it’s goooood. I don’t kiss easily and I don’t kiss many men but when I do I want to melt right into it and lose thoughts of anything around me. So when Eyes Guy surprised me with this kiss I was too weak to even consider what was happening. So yeah, we kept kissing, I melted and I drove home completely shocked and unaware of anything that happened. I had no idea…

imageTwo days later we went for a walk, holding hands along the river front. It was a public holiday for the show. I was doing zumba classes at the show and visited him upon his invitation in between displays. We made out on his couch and it was like smitten teenagers. It was exciting and fun and I still had no idea what was going on. All I knew was that kissing could go on for hours (it kinda did!) and it made me smile. We had passion, connection and it was so different to anything.

Every person you meet you find attraction in, in different ways.

You can meet someone and have instant attraction. You can sense them, feel them. Be smitten by them, be drawn to them and the chemistry can be ridiculous.
You can meet another who you have equally as much care for but it takes time find that chemistry and desire for more. They are the ones you are obviously physically attracted to but more reserved with. They take time to build into something deep and meaningful. You know they are a wonderful person. You feel lucky to have them in your life. They tick many boxes but you just don’t have that ‘let’s do this’ excitement straight up.

Are either of them bad or is one better than the other? I used to question this and you try to do things differently than what didn’t work. I’ve come to realise you can’t make the rules. We all know couples who have been together half their life who met and that was it, they got married had kids and love each other more and more every day fifty years on.

We also know of couples who met and broke up. They had other relationships but always remembered each other. Years later they run into each other again or for whatever reason meet again. The passion returns and they fall in love. Who knows what’s best except for you: I believe in timing being everything.

I met and loved a beautiful man who was so perfect in so many ways but i always struggled with feeling like he wasn’t ready for me. It turned out I was right. I broke it off with him and it broke my heart. It was the last thing I wanted but I felt like it was what needed to be done. It hurt. In time he agreed. He needed time to be single. It was too soon after his last relationship (remember my questions when meeting someone new… How long have you been single?) and we all need time to heal. He hasn’t done this and as much as the thought he was over ‘her’ he hadn’t gotten over the experience. What I ended up with and still to this day have, is an amazing true friend with a friendship full of respect and love. I also inherited some new big brothers and it makes me smile.

We meet people at different times in our lives for different reasons. Who knows why I met Eyes Guy. To this day I still don’t know. I have my suspicions. We can talk about them later. This Eyes Guy story has only just begun…

Enjoy the moment and don’t close yourself off to anything. Life is short and love is everywhere in many different forms.

❤️ Cass

My Knight in Shining Armour!

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After starting this blog an old friend got in touch saying he’s got someone in mind and would I be open to suggestions.

What’s better than a friend setting you up!

So a few days later I received an email from Knight.

 

I literally knew nothing except his name and email address. Of course the first thing to do is Google them and stalk them on Facebook!

Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

He seems funny if anything and my friend is a great guy and wouldn’t set me up with a looney so what’s there to lose.

Knight suggested a walk and brunch Sunday morning. Oooh a morning date – a first.

This set up meant that he potentially knew a lot about me and I instead was in the dark.

He asked me to meet him at Pembroke Lodge in Richmond Park and I said “you’ll have to recognise me since I have no idea what you look like!”

His reply “I’ll recognise you even out of the fitness lycra ….I hope. I’ll work out how I can make myself obvious!”

I pulled into the car park a couple of minutes late (Sunday morning + glorious sunshine + Richmond park = a lot of cyclists, runners and cars) got out of my car and turned around to see a handsome man riding a white horse towards me!

Talk about making himself stand out! My heart was pounding. OMG OMG OMG my knight in shining armour (well there wasn’t any armour actually, just a Barbour coat)!

“Naomi”… I just stood there, mouth open… then kind of giggled.

He reached down, took hold of my hand and pulled me up, my legs swinging round and onto the horse behind him.

Isn’t this the stuff of films?!

 

Actually, yes it is. That didn’t happen at all! But a horse does feature in this story…

I pulled up in my car and found a text from Barnaby* saying he was queuing for coffee and did I want one. I walked over to the kiosk as at that moment he turned around. “Naomi, I got you a coffee, not sure if you wanted one?”

Yes, thank you. Sunday morning date. I definitely want a coffee!

Barnaby is a fair bit taller than me, brown hair and green eyes (which I love) and definitely older than me. I find out he’s 40 later on, which is ok…around my upper limit. We set off for a walk around Richmond park trying to avoid being knocked over by all the cyclists.

We talked very easily with a lot in common and joking around a bit. At one point a horse with rider came charging towards us and as he was doing so Barnaby said “Oh that’s my house mate. I know he rides but never seen him out.” His housemate was overwhelmingly posh and after a couple of minutes of chit chat off he rode.

We continued to walk and decided for a more off-piste route to avoid the crowds. Circling back to Pembroke Lodge we stopped in at the cafe, sat on a bench in the gardens at the back with a beautiful view.

Barnaby knew about this blog – he’s been the only one so far to know, not because I told him but our mutual friend Matt had. He didn’t want his real name used because of his job which is fair enough and I wouldn’t have anyway. Barnaby was his choice of name.

He was so easy to talk with and interesting conversation at that, but there wasn’t a spark.

We said our farewells and parted company. I would have seen him again – everyone deserves a second date – but I didn’t hear from him again and I didn’t feel inclined to be in touch.

Sadly we didn’t ride off into the sunset on this occasion… the search continues.

 

SingleNaomi x

*Not his real name.

 

Tinder Takeover!

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My time on Tinder is not all serious looking for ‘the one’. 

I have to admit that sometimes I do just amuse myself on Tinder. 

And sometimes friends do a Tinder Takeover.
The following conversations happened in the early hours after a heavy night celebrating the birthday of one of my dear friends.

The conversations were mostly conducted by an Australian male friend with other people adding the occasional hilarious suggestion. 

I will not be held responsible for you peeing your pants when you read this…

PLEASE NOTE EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT AND SWEAR WORDS ARE USED


That was the end of that conversation.

And then there was this one: 


We didn’t talk seriously…

Then there was:


And…

And all in one night in the early hours of the morning 🙈

Was cold a good choice?

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This is Part 5

Check out the rest of the story first if you haven’t already:

Part 1: My own Fifty Shades

Part 2: You’ve been a naughty girl haven’t you?

Part 3: Would you want me exclusively for you? 

Part 4: Sir or Master. I want you to always remember who is in control.

 

What are your plans for the whole day tomorrow? Dom asked me. After I’d told him he said he’d send me a new task by midday.

“It’s time I heard your voice. I want you to leave me a voice note. You’re going to tell me your favourite part of the story so far. It doesn’t have to be too long, but at least 20 seconds. You have until 4pm.”

I kind of wanted to see if anything would happen or if he’d say anything if I left it until after 4pm. So I was late. I sent it. Felt like a bit of an idiot but we’ve gone this far so what the heck.

No punishment. I got a “Good girl.” Then he went on “I’m guessing that’s the first time you’ve verbalised your thoughts on the story out loud.”

Me: “You’d guess right.”

Me (in my head): Oh, you have no idea that the world is reading it all…and although I’m not talking out loud about what’s happening some of my thoughts are being put out there. And, I’m a girl, come on, you really think I haven’t talked to my mates about this?!

He’s probably more talking about whether I’ve spoken words about exactly what I liked in the story, which to be fair, I haven’t been that specific.

He wanted to know if I had any particular thoughts on the task. If thinking about the story again had been a good thing or if was indifferent.

His next task made me laugh…

“I want you to read the next part with other people. Now I suspect you don’t like being rude and I also hate people staring at their phones, however I want you to tell me how it made you feel, how your body reacted and whether it was more exciting than reading it in private.”

The reason it made me laugh is because I’ve already done this, several times.

I’ve read the stories on the tube and missed my stop (a couple of times). The previous part of the story I read at a restaurant out with Minx* and Rose*. They totally know all about this and it was a topic of conversation.

He wanted to know at that moment when I read it in public what is racing through my mind and how my body feels.

I obliged and the following day received the next part of the story at a convenient time (remember I chose cold).

 

“Good choice” he says as he palm rests on your cheek, leaning in to softly kiss your lips.

With your hands tied, he grabs the blindfold and places it gently over your eyes, you lean forward to make it easier for him to tie it behind your head. Mentally you start to acknowledge just how much you love him in control of what happens. You smile as you find yourself in darkness again but now you’re unable to move and completely vulnerable to him.

You hear ice cubes rattle in the bucket, it clicks, a sharp intake of breath and you mentally question if cold was a good choice.

You feel his presence again, he gently places the ice cube on your lips, you start to open your mouth, but he removes it. It runs down your neck, it’s cold, so very cold, your body tries it’s best to move, but you know it’s pointless. You have to let him do what he wants to do.

The ice cube runs towards your nipple, already hard, your breathing now sharp and quick as it circles your areola. Grabbing a second ice cube, it runs down your right arm. The instant it touches your skin, it’s so cold, but your body heat counters it quicker now, you start to love the contrasting feeling to your hot blood inside your body.

Both ice cubes held on your nipples, he leans in for another kiss, “You going to tell me to be careful again?” Feeling somewhat daring and wondering what else he’ll do, you reply “Yes Sir”. You hear his laugh, he grabs two fresh ice cubes, but this time they don’t return to your nipples…

 

Me (in my head ’cause I’m sitting on the tube surrounded by people): Phwoah! I just want you to continue!

I get totally engrossed in the story and switch off to everything else around me. Sometimes I wonder if someone looks over my shoulder and reads it what they will think, not because I care, but because I just wonder what they would feel.

I’m quite aware of my body whether I’m alone or in public, I guess that comes with my job – or rather that’s what I learned through dance and is what makes me good at my job – so being in public didn’t make my physical and mental reaction any more noticeable.

 

(Just out of interest where have you been reading these stories dear reader? Tell me below!)

 

The following morning I found the next part of the story waiting for me…

Surrounded by darkness, he watches your deep slow breathing, as your breasts rise and fall. He places them on your toned navel, you do your best to keep still, but they don’t stay there for long as you feel them disappear.

They are slowly placed on your legs, just above the buckle of your heels, you feel them being pushed upwards with a hand on each leg, feeling a trail of cold water on your leg. As it inches further up your leg, running along your inner thighs, it makes you shiver, but again it disappears.

You let out a moan and let your body relax, signalling to him that you enjoyed it, before you feel an ice cube between your legs, placed just inside you. Your reaction is the strongest so far, your shoulders dig into the bed as your hips arch upwards, anticipating your reaction he holds the ice cube in place, watching as your body settles.

He removes the ice cube, lifting the blindfold over your eyes, he looks at you without saying a word. Your eyes search his, your mouth slightly open, it’s so intense. You don’t know what to say. Whether you should say anything. You just want him to continue…

 

Me (in my head): I wonder what that feels like. Do I have any ice cubes? No… (TMI everyone? Sorry…!) That is seriously hot…

 

THIS IS GOING TO GET A LITTLE MORE EXPLICIT NOW. DON’T READ ON IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE READING OVERTLY SEXUAL STUFF!

 

He slides a hand between your legs, it’s wet from the ice cubes he was holding as it gently slides up n down your soaking wet pussy. Fingers tracing from top to bottom, gently pushing on your clit, before sliding further down, teasing you, pushing just the tips of two fingers in before pulling them and sliding his hands back up again. All the while his eyes watching yours, watching your lips quiver, letting out the softest moans.

You find you can reach the bed post with your hands, each wrapped around one, you squeeze just a little higher as he rubs your clit harder and faster now. He places his second hand between your legs, with it, slowly, ever so gently sliding two fingers inside, your juices making it so easy for him.

Now you’re really gripping the bed post, with both of his hands working effortlessly edging you closer to your second orgasm. As you spread your legs as wide as you can, arch your back, lifting your arse off the bed, he STOPS…you watch as he brings his fingers to his mouth, sliding both in his mouth, “mmmm” before sliding the blindfold back down over your eyes.

You feel his presence leave your side, but tied up and blindfolded all you can do is wait, and you do with a throbbing wet pussy, how dare he not let you cum…

He runs two fingers from your forehead, past your lips, right down the centre of your body, it’s drenched in sweat, it’s been so intense and you just want more…then you hear an electric whirring sound, it doesn’t second for you to recognise it, he can’t tell, but your eyes open wide under the blindfold….he’s brought toys…

 

SingleNaomi x

You’re welcome ladies 😉

*Not their real names. Meet Minx and Rose here.