Eyes Guys #3 Gone Again

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Last we read, Eyes Guy and I were kissing on the couch …

(Read previous blog of Eyes Guy #1 and #2 to get up to speed)

 

This turned into a blissful relationship-heading, whirlwind time full of excitement and never ending smiles ..

I knew very little about him. I didn’t know his past and I never asked because of those words the first time of why he didn’t want to see me anymore without much explanation. In my mind there was something in his past that he wanted to leave behind and I’m good with that because I had nothing to do with his past! In saying this, although open minded as I always profess I am, I was also quite cautious with that whole ‘once bitten twice shy’ type of thinking.

I am very big on a past being exactly that. It’s none of my business unless someone wants to share parts of their life prior to you, with you. Of course this happens as you get to know each other but it is usually only the relevant things that we tend to bring up. Things like an awesome experience or maybe something from your childhood. Things about your family, where you grew up and so forth. We may talk about past relationships and where they went wrong. Places we have traveled to or jobs we have worked in. There are often parts of our past we don’t feel a need to share and also some things we just don’t want to remember. That’s ok because we all have those things. A life is lived through ups and downs and things we have excelled in and then things we wish we could have done better. We learn and hopefully they make us better people.

This ‘relationship’ whatever it was, was unlike no other. I could spend days talking about parts of it and still not be able to explain it properly. Eyes Guy would be an incredibly attentive, caring and thoughtful man. He would sit on the couch with me and just want to touch me as he watched his favourite TV show. I remember one night I was standing up at the table away from him eating pineapple pieces (random night time urge) watching a current affairs show with a story on Cuba. Of course in the background they were playing Cuban Salsa and it was a very well known song especially in my ‘Zumba’ world. I’m quite used to just keeping a low profile. I don’t need too much attention I just cruise along. I was busy eating my pineapple and watching TV (was a very interesting story) and I guess I was dancing a little to the music minding my own business. I instinctively felt eyes upon me and looked at Eyes Guy. He had this intense look in his eyes with a sort of knowing smile. It was freaky! You know when you have no idea someone has been watching you and then you find out? Suddenly you feel vulnerable and I shyly said ‘What???’ He said ‘You are just so cute!’ Then he said ‘Can you please come here?’ Of course I said ‘Why?????’ He said ‘Just come here… Please…’

So I walked over to him
He took his hands, put them on either side of my face and kissed me with intensity.
Then I went back to my pineapple as he continued with that sweet look of happiness towards me.

imageIt’s those small moments that you remember and hold onto. They are the real moments that you cannot force, they just happen on their own.

There were other moments too. I would go to see him after teaching a sweaty class. He gets up for work early therefore went to bed earlier than me normally. I would rush over and usually not eat dinner (I never told him this) just so I would not upset him by taking too long. He seemed to have his ways he liked things to be.  Not aggressively more of an OCD type of way. I just wanted to be there and spend some time. I remember a time I stripped off out of my sweaty zumba clothes and jumped in the shower to get clean and next minute he was getting in too! No… It wasn’t a dirty-mind moment, it was quite the opposite. He just gently started washing me. I’d not experienced this before as usually a man wants to shower with you for other reasons!!! There was no other reason. Just a man wanting to be sweet and do something thoughtful. This happened a number of times. Some nurturing and some raw and passionate. Sometimes there was one leading to another. Let’s just say that showering was never dull at his place unless I was there alone.

Whenever we slept in the same bed he would sleep the whole night completely wrapped around me. If I moved (I’m not good at this and lie awake for hours not wanting to move in case I woke him!) because I need personal space when I sleep (does anyone else find feet touching your feet creepy?) he would find me subconsciously and just need to be touching me.

In the morning when he got up for work I would wake as I’m a light sleeper but he would do his best to stay quiet. He would always come back into his room and say goodbye. I would sleepily kneel up to hug him with my eyes half closed (you know as you do like a kid so you don’t wake up too much???) and usually tell him how nice he looked. He always looked so handsome dressed to go to work. It’s a nice change to see a man dressed well for work as a contrast to casual Queensland clothes. If I didn’t wake up as much I remember he would kiss me gently on my forehead and leave me to sleep (that would be the BEST sleep all night!!! Hahaha I’m really not used to sharing a bed!) That sweet tender kiss on my head to say goodbye …

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All these little moments were amazing and I looked forward to them. My problem was that there were other ‘moments’ that made no sense. I wouldn’t hear from him and then suddenly I would. He would be busy and seeing him was always on his terms never on mine. We only saw each other at his house. He still knew very little about my daily life. I never met his friends and I still to this day don’t think they know I exist.  If they do, they would have no idea who I am to him.

On the opposite side, I know them all very well. I know their names, what they do, who they are to him. I know his mum and dad and his sister very well! None of them know me. I know of his past life, he had given away at that point. He was a DJ in a well known venue on a Sunday night. It was not his main line of work but something he was passionate about and apparently immersed in for a long time. I never knew him as that person, so how and why he left that behind was none of my business. I liked the person I met as who he was, at that point.

I never referred to him as my boyfriend. I never felt like I was acknowledged in return either. He was ‘someone I met’ or ‘someone I’m seeing’. I was having a conversation one time and used the term ‘boyfriend’ awkwardly in referring to Eyes Guy purely to avoid a needless explanation.  I uncomfortably told him about it and asked if that upset him if I called him that. I don’t remember what he said but I never used that term again about him. I got it… To him, I wasn’t that special.

One night I had a good friend from overseas in town. I invited her and another friend to meet me for dinner. Eyes Guys had been expecting me over that night. I had arranged dinner near his place and bravely worked up the courage to invite him to come. That meant almost being a ‘couple’ and meeting my very much-loved friends. He said he would come!!

There was an awesome outdoor dance event on too which I was excited to watch with everyone first. I drove to his place and as I was arriving he called and said he was tired and not coming. I said OK and clearly sounded disappointed. He told me that he visited some mates and had a couple of beers which made him tired and he has been lying down and wants to stay there. I was being the low drama chick that I am and although incredibly deflated I was going along with it. He asked where I was and I said that I was right by his place but that’s ok. He then said assertively ‘No, I’ve let you down and that’s not fair. Give me fifteen minutes to shower and get ready, I’m coming with you!’

To this day he has no idea how happy that made me to hear!! I wanted to hold his hand and enjoy a nice night with my friends… And him. He and I were having s great time watching the dance groups under the stars.  He started acted strange after my friends arrived and wanted to go home. I felt a mixture of embarrassment because it was rude to my friends who had gone way out of their way to be there, embarrassment because my friends must have felt bad for me, and confusion in his behaviour.

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We got back to his place and he told me that he is uncomfortable around me because I don’t drink. He said he doesn’t know how to act as he doesn’t have friends who don’t drink. He found it strange and didn’t know how to be.

(Ummm.. Normal???)

Ok, so at least there was something making some sense now. He always had this awkwardness about him at night thinking I didn’t notice there was vodka in his ‘orange juice’. Did he think I never noticed the dramatic changes in the levels of the vodka bottle on top of the kitchen cupboard each time I visited?  Did he think I couldn’t taste the alcohol on his breath when he kissed me?  And let’s mention one time I went to bed before him and woke up hours later without him.  I went out half asleep to see where he was and he quickly tried to hide the vodka bottle he was emptying into his ‘orange juice’.  I pretended I didn’t see anything as he nervously blurted out ‘What  are you doing?’.  I just took it all in, kissed his cheek and went back to bed so he didn’t feel like I noticed… I did… I always did.

To my close friends he was a whole other person and even they struggled to help me work it all out. We went out on a ‘date’ one night.  Well in his best thinking. I never went out with him to dinner so I asked if we could do that. I wanted to wear a hot dress and heels for him, dress up and feel pretty. We just walked down the street which was fine cause that area is full of nice places. He held my hand across the table as we sat which surprised me, although I must say when we went walking out and about he did always hold my hand. I love holding hands. I’m typically not much of a touchy-feely person but holding hands makes me feel all warm and fuzzy! That was one of the very few, if only times he told me I looked beautiful up to this point. I asked out of interest in conversation did he find me attractive at all and he replied asking why would I question that? I told him because I honestly don’t know because he never says anything like that. He told me if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have a hard penis would he? Well my thinking is that this is irrelevant … I mean… Don’t guys wake up with erections? Don’t they have ‘wet dreams’? Added to this, we all know their dedication to masturbating! All of these situations involve erect penises and have nothing to do with me so that whole answer doesn’t really have much credibility!

Basically, in those moments when you are naked with someone feeling exposed and vulnerable, feeling a crazy connection and incredible passion between you, a girl still needs the simplest of things, and that is to feel relaxed and confident … A girl just wants to be told she is beautiful or sexy or looks hot or whatever it might be. Having that thought in your head of ‘Maybe he doesn’t really like me that much after all and just likes sex’ and all sorts of self conscious thoughts don’t make immersing yourself in the moment and letting go easy.

Let’s just say it… Sex was amazing. It was amazing before we even actually got anywhere with it. Kissing him was always as mentioned, like my kryptonite. I would just melt into him the moment he pushed his lips to mine. Chemistry is something you cannot make happen. It just does or it doesn’t. It always did and without being too biological, physically it was intense. That aside, one thing that never happened was me! As much as I enjoyed every moment of every encounter, I never reached that place that strokes a mans ego and has him fist pump and high five himself, to himself. That part where he tells himself ‘oh fuck yeah… You’re the man’. image

Guess what… I didn’t really care. It was the experience of the ride not the final destination that I enjoyed the most. Especially the part where i got to fist pump and high five myself and tell myself that I was ‘the man’… So to speak!

Hey, I am very much a giver and my satisfaction is in giving satisfaction. The longer it went on, I think the more it etched away at his ego in that way, as much as I told him it’s no big deal. I still understood though.

Here you go guys… Here is what it was for me.

(Insert deep breath and type away Cass!).
GAHhhhhh!!!

Two things … I felt like when he would go down on me (not in every encounter) that he didn’t really enjoy doing it. When he did he would get annoyed I took too long. Therefore in my mind I’m thinking about him not liking doing this for me and ‘oh no he is getting annoyed at me’…Women orgasm with their minds as much as their bodies as we know. I was never going to like that. Also, I would start enjoying what he was doing and he would change it. This lead me to believe he didn’t know too much about this and it would make sense since he didn’t enjoy it.
Then there was sex itself. Does anyone remember the song with the line ‘She only cums when she’s on top’?

“This bed is on fire with passionate love
The neighbors complain about the noises above
But she only cums when she’s on top”

(The song LAID is from 1993 and by the Manchester band JAMES.. Great song!)

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You see the older you get the more comfortable you become knowing your body. I’m quite shy especially initially and I’m also very sensitive about other people’s feelings. I had told him I cum on top as most women do. Let’s add in the lack of confidence given to me (no compliments or noted comments) and being on top, exposed, being watched so closely, completely vulnerable and having him tell me numerous times he didn’t like how it felt for him when i was on top and again, my head is telling me to hurry up because he doesn’t like it and I’m a burden. I also never felt him touch my body or make me feel like he liked how it felt or what it looked like. One reason is because he never told me and because he never took the time to admire, touch to even kiss it.

Can you believe though despite all of this, our naked time was still something to shout about … It’s difficult to explain.

Around the six week mark he became distant. I didn’t hear from him much for most of the week and towards the end of the week, nothing. Eventually we spoke on the phone and he said that people in his life always leave and they don’t understand who he really is, they just leave him. He told me I understand him and he doesn’t want me to leave him. He sounded a bit stressed and looking back… Drunk?

Within a few days I got another call saying he didn’t want to see me again. He doesn’t feel anything for me. We don’t have any connection and that’s it.

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I text him and said don’t I have a say in this??? He said that I didn’t. I was again, left confused. If there was one thing we DID have it was a connection. A ridiculous connection. I sent a text and said I was going to finish class and come over and talk to him … Cause you know, that’s what adults do!! He replied and said that he won’t be home from work until late. I said it’s ok, I’ll just come over and wait until you get home. He rang me and had the most evil tone in his voice. He told me that if he gets home and I’m at his place waiting for him he will ring the police and tell them I am stalking him!!!

OMG … Who WAS this person on the phone?

I just went home and that was it, again.
Done | Finished | Over | No Idea Why

❤️ Cass

 

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The ‘picker’

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Meanwhile back in Brisbane …

Why do I do this to myself? Why am I far too nice and why do I agree to meet guys I just know are not compatible? I feel bad and sometimes I go ‘OK’ way too easily and next thing I’m stuck in a cafe with Mister ‘Gahhhh’ unable to leave without being rude.

I thought about it and realised #warningtopotentialmen that Friday night is my ‘Gahhh whatever’ night. You see, I have a  Zumba class I teach on Friday nights in the city. It’s finished at 6pm and I usually wander around after and have something to eat. I love Brisbane City especially at night. It’s safe and full of life and it is very pretty. It’s lovely just walking around and being surprised by amazing buskers lining the mall in set spots and people watching, wondering who people are and why they are there… After work? Locals out for night shopping? Tourists? I love it!

I chatted to M on tinder and I think I found him to be one of those people who flick my switch! No not ‘that’ button… The ‘you are irritating’ button. He was nice enough then said some things that were strange. He seemed to have a thing about people cheating and asked if I was a flirt. Before I answered he told me not to lie because he can pick BS a mile away. Really? Assuming I lie already? So I told him I think I am. I then said but not in a sexual way. I enjoy flirtatious fun. I like being cheeky and having fun with people to hopefully make them feel good and smile. I often walk past a woman I don’t know and tell her something i noticed like ‘your hair looks really lovely’ or ‘you look so pretty in that dress’. I love the way they smile and instantly their confidence picks up. I call that flirting in a friendly way. So yes, when he asked directly do I flirt I said yes.

He didn’t like that and when I explained similar to above he text that he thinks I’m now trying to dig my way out of a hole. Right…. But I’m not in one in my eyes. I thought we were having a text conversation not a war!

imageThat aside, he asked to meet me and for my phone number. He didn’t communicate too much after that and I have a theory on this I’ll share a other time. We arranged Friday night. So back to my Friday night thing…any guy I’ve met Friday nights were duds. I also think I knew this when suggesting Friday night. I’m there, it’s not personal space as it’s not near my home at all, I can do my class then just change and meet. Do I shower and make effort? Maybe or maybe not!!! How about a beanie cause it’s cold that’s actually a beanie so I don’t have to do my hair!!! Yeah that happened! Hate me if you will.

He sent me the weirdest text… Ok not THE weirdest but it’s up there!

Later on….. Let’s play a game.

I’ll tell you a secret if you tell me a secret and your not allowed to ask any questions about that secret😊

I read it a few times with a frown on my face trying to work out WTF it meant! So you tell me something personal (when I don’t know you) and want me to tell you something personal but then we can’t talk about it?? WHY???

I replied ‘That’s weird’

His reply and let’s try to ignore the grammar issues

Your telling me!!!!

LJ my mate made me do it. I knew it!!! I didn’t want to

Anyway that was weird

I was as at the gym ready for zumba class and greeting the ladies. Viv is one of my gorgeous ‘stalkers’ (said in a very fun positive way!) she is always in classes I take in that area, loves zumba and loves my style of class. We have also developed a lovely friendship I cherish. She loves her weekly updates on guys I’ve met and is a fantastic co-eye roller!!! Whilst sitting with her I get a text saying

Looking forward to meeting you. Be yourself and have fun😊

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Really??? This is a soccer team and we are in year four? You need to give me a pre game pep talk? Dude… I’m always myself.

Anyway, great zumba class then I had clothes and make up and hair styling tools and 45 minutes to get ready. What did I do instead? Sat with Viv and enjoyed an awesome chat about her man and his ex and the interesting life they have both had together. Personal challenges and real life. I loved it. I had about 20 minutes left to get ready so Viv came into the bathroom with me to continue chatting … It’s a girl thing!!

I changed my sweaty underwear and freshened up some girl bits at the basin. It’s winter here so sweaty clothes are not a good idea in night air. I threw on some jeans, warm top, boots and had a warm jacket. Makeup… Haha just a touch up no effort… Oh come on, I’m just booootifull naturally! Hahahaha well let’s just say I did minimal.

Now this is something girls will understand. I had access to hair dryers and straighteners. What did I do? Nothing!!! I had wet messy hair as its curly and I straighten it and it gets wet from sweat again! I put on a beanie!

Seriously, I really didn’t try hard at all. Then I went down stairs. I had some spare time so I went and booked flights to America! As you do right?? I text him and he was late anyway so all good.

As soon as I saw him I knew there was absolutely no chance of attraction. Not my style. We walk different paths. I know you can always dress a man who has no idea regarding fashion but it says a lot about interests and style of a person. I’m no high-fashion girl but I do stay modern and dress nicely. You can look great with minimal effort and expense if you care about that sort of thing. Let’s say that he looked like where he lived. He also looked older than his age but told me how all his workmates think he is younger … Hmmm maybe being polite? Not a fitness person but that’s no deal breaker.

I ask if he has eaten and he said yes but he could eat again. I asked if he wanted to though. He said he didn’t mind. Ok another point here.. I want a man who is decisive and assertive or at least smart enough to realise I am hungry and makes an effort to sort that out. We went to the restaurant right there as I know they have tapas which makes things easy.

I order three small plates and water and he has a large cider. We talk and one of the first things he asks is why don’t I have nicer photos on my tinder profile? Long story short… He saw my Facebook come up as a suggested friend (happens based on having someone’s phone number) so he looked around (ok we all do it but to TELL someone you stalked their Facebook???). Anyway he said I had way better photos on my FB than on tinder. Hmmm kinda rude and insulting. I let it slide … Moving on …

He tells me that I ‘don’t mind to eat food do I?’ Ahhhh … That’s why we ordered food… To eat … And I’m hungry …. Food is a good thing to eat to stay alive? Moving on….

The Broncos (NRL football) were playing and there was a screen above his head that I was sneaking looks at. It became difficult to not noticeably take interest in it as the Broncos were getting smashed!!! That wasn’t hard either as his conversation was not interesting although I did my best to remain interested.

He asked some detailed questions and I answered them… Any siblings, where my parents live. Are they still together. Then he said did I have some questions for him? I said not really as I prefer to just have conversations and the things we want to say just naturally come out.

I am a people watcher. I find it is more common for me to notice things because I’m always sober. I’m always on the same level of mindset and being a ‘single girl dating’, very aware of my surroundings. I noticed a couple walking by. He was tall, well dressed, looked like he was averagely fit. She was very short, terribly dressed and very large. Good on them holding hands off to some social engagement together and seemed happy but how did they meet? Yes this can seem judgmental but seriously, how did that happen? Not saying it cannot I’m just wondering what brought them together because society says otherwise. Does he like larger short girls? Does she like standing on stools to kiss him?

So I said ‘Oooh look at that Interesting couple!’
He said ‘You like people watching don’t you?’ I said ‘Yes I find it fascinating coming up with ideas on where people come from and why they are here at this moment and how people met.’
He said ‘You think they shouldn’t be together don’t you?’
I said ‘I never said that.’
He said ‘Yes you did’ (by the way he was agreeing)
I said ‘No… If you remember the word I used was ‘interesting’ and you chose to assume the negative when I was not being negative at all just inquisitive.’
He then said ‘You are particular with words aren’t you?’
I said ‘Yes I believe words are very important. It isn’t what a person says bit the words they choose to say it with that tells the story.’

Next was asking if I had lived overseas. I asked why did he ask that and he said because I sound like I have an accent. I asked what accent do I have and he said he doesn’t know yet. Hmmm ok…. I then said what do I sound like and he said well not like a typical Aussie and certainly not a bogan. Right…. Ok then! OMG. I told him I do a lot of public speaking, especially during the instructor trainings overseas and I enjoy proper English language so possibly, I speak clearly and with good pronunciation … Actually slower and more clearly when overseas. He said yes. Geez!!! I sound strange because I don’t speak too lazily… Just another pick at me I was getting less surprised by each time.

He asks if I mind him ordering another drink. OMG I DO!!! So I politely say of course not. He orders another giant cider and I add another half hour of punishment… Glad I could see the football behind him! Oooh close up of Corey Parker my husband crush. Such a sexy man!!!  #shamelesseyecandy image

He also says that he thinks people who don’t ask questions are not people who are interested in other people’s lives. Ahh I see… Another ‘pick at Cass’ moment. I pause and take a breath. I reply that I don’t think that at all and as mentioned earlier, great conversations naturally fall into information being shared without questions. I don’t feel like I know you well enough for example, to be asking you a range of personal questions and feeling like I’m interrogating you. If you feel comfortable to share things you will, and I have learnt many things about you. (Like your negativity and constant need to pick at me and put me down which I am politely overlooking)

He then said ‘you don’t react to much do you?’
I questioned this
He continued ‘Well I have said some things that could have made you upset and you didn’t notice’.
I let out a cheeky laugh and looked at him all
Cute as I pointed to my head and said ‘oh no, it’s all being stored in here and I notice everything actually’

He said ‘Do you know that when you talk you use your face a lot and your eye does this weird thing? It’s funny’. As he chuckled to himself.
I said that I hope so because I use my face a lot when communicating when on stage and when doing my best to make people feel comfortable and relaxed. Plus that I was glad my “Botox” isn’t overdone (shout out to my injection magician Emma Taylor #injexclinics) Ha!!! Yeah guy..I get anti wrinkle injections and I love them!!!!

ANYTHING ELSE you want to pick at? Let’s be honest here. In the looks department if we want to be picky, he was falling way behind so why he felt he had a right to pick at me continually I do not know!!! To make him feel bigger?

He needed to use the bathroom so I used it as a ‘let’s take off’ (separately) point. As we walked to the cashier I got out my wallet. As soon as we stopped he said ‘So we will go halves yeah?’
I said ‘sure’ as I shook my head as rolled my eyes to myself
The waitress let us know there was a surcharge using cards. I had cash but he didn’t. No way he was going to pay for it all. I could have given him cash but Nooo. So I said it’s ok, just halve it and I’ll pay the extra!! That’s what we did. He needed exactly half!!

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I asked him where he parked and he said he wasn’t sure but took photos so he could find it again. We walked down the mall and I was off first to my usual spot and said ‘give me a hug’ to be nice and I left so relived! I would have run of he couldn’t see me!

In the morning I got the following texts

You wouldn’t believe what happened to me last night.

On the way back to my car I realised I forgot which carpark I parked in lol. Spent 2:30hrs looking for it and still can’t find it😜😜😜. I had to catch a cab home. About to have another look today. I even have the ticket and rang the number and they can’t help me. No one can find my car!!!!

He had told me at our amazing meeting that he knows when I read his texts because we both have IM so I didn’t want to ignore him although I really didn’t know what to say! My reply

‘Wow’

His next text

But on another note. The ball is in your court. I had a good think about it (while searching for a car). I like the way your mind works, really interesting.

It’s up to you whether you want to catch up again. If not, it was one of the most pleasant dates I’ve had.

Seriously???

imageLet’s break this down…
You are not physically attractive, we have little in common that this would make more attractive. If we dated you would continually pick at me and put me down. You would put words into my mouth I did not use. You are not a gentleman or a provider being ‘the man’ and taking care of things. You told me to pay half and that included your giant ciders when I don’t drink at all… If we are being specific. I was happy to pay but maybe on my suggestion or offer? I would rather pay the whole lot than be told to pay half by you! Then you can’t even find your car so how could you ever look after me? I wouldn’t tell a woman that car story at least not straight away. Down the track it might be hilarious but at that point … Embarrassingly unattractive and what a dick!!

Why did I agree to meet him? No more. But he made for some good blog material and hopefully makes other men out there feel great about themselves!

Oh my response to him

Thank you ‘Name’
There’s not much point us continuing to communicate
Hope the car was found

Eye roll
Eye roll
Eye roll
Followed of course by a Watsap conversation with Naomi and some more eye rolling

Dear males… Get your shit together
❤️ Cass

Eyes Guy #2

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imageMeanwhile …. The Eyes Guy story continues …

See Eyes Guys Intro for the start of the story

This story will more than likely have a number of editions
It has a lot of bends in the road we drive down over a long time
Some of those bends are a little too sharp and unpredictable to follow.

There are parts that may hit a raw wound with some readers and for those who know this story all I ask is that you understand that this is MY story to share. Is it all real and is it unaffected by creative licence? Is your version different to mine …. Maybe. We all take things in our own way to rationalise and process. We have our own opinions and feelings. Life, relationships, feelings … They are all open to interpretation and. Those who know me also know there is no malice within me and never would I aim to hurt another person.

And so it continues…

Less than two weeks after Eyes Guys and I met we were no longer talking. I don’t ever fall so much so fast for anyone.

(Haha just ask the frustrated single guys dating!!)

This was different though. I wanted to talk more, know more, kiss more. I was sucked in. I knew nothing about him but felt like I knew him without words. I knew nothing about his life until this point and I didn’t care about who what or why. A past is what makes you who you are but your personal past is yours not mine. If you choose to share information about it with me then that’s great but I value who a person is now. Who I see them to be. I don’t judge a person on their past unless it affects the present negatively and that includes me.

I was devastated and had no idea what happened. It all happened so fast and I just sat there shocked as I heard the words ‘I don’t want to see you again’. It had something to do with his past and someone or some people in it. Anyway, I couldn’t ask and I couldn’t do anything to change the outcome. I tried to call to talk to him but he didn’t take my call. I sent a text but it wasn’t answered. I accepted it and that was that.

A few months later I sent him a text and said

I really liked the person I saw you to be and I would like to think we could be friends. How would you feel about having a coffee one day?

He replied and said he would like that
I needed to go teach classes in Asia and said when I get back I’ll be in touch to organise something.

When I returned a few weeks later I had some tickets to the Brisbane Show we call the Ekka and asked him when the last time was that he went on rides and acted like a kid. We organised to go together.

It was nice to see him again. As you have learnt, I’m able to separate my emotions and accept when things change and how people feel about that. We were two nice people hanging out and laughing and having fun for the day.

We walked over to the show and chatted and I took him to one of the performances I was really interested to see which was a male tap dance group. As they began Eyes Guy leans over with this enthralled look on his face and tells me

This is awesome!!! Thank you for bringing me to this’

In conversation it turned out that he had never experienced such a show before. Being that my world is full of Dance, I loved the show but expected to. He thought we were going to watch a bunch of little girls in leotards making banging noises. What he experienced was 20-30 year old guys in cool clothes tapping away to funky beats and modern sounds. Some humour thrown in and some obvious friendships between them and Eyes Guy couldn’t help but be impressed. It was so nice to see his reaction.

We had a fun day through crowded paths and found some excellent exhibits and shows to entertain us. We went on a crazy ride and then off we went to the night show that included monster trucks and fireworks.

Now there was one point where we were going to choose a ride to go on and I looked down the alley and it was SO crowded. I’m not a fan of crowds. I looked down there to the masses of people and stopped. I looked at Eyes Guy and made a questioning face of ‘eeek’ and offered him my hand. He took it and we ventured through the crowd to our ride holding hands so as to not get lost.

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Now I, in all my innocence, meant nothing more than ‘hold my hand?’ But was surprised that from then on, my hand was never alone and when standing still I was held with arms wrapped around me and when watching the fireworks had puppy dog eyes looking up at me. For all the intuition I have and all the things I apparently know, I did not expect this and didn’t understand what was going on. He made it very clear a few months back that he was not interested in me that way and I accepted this. Even throughout all of this, I just reminded myself there was nothing more than friends going on and shrugged it off.

We walked back to my car afterwards and he still had my hand in his. I still naively went along with it. He left me at my car at the end of the night. We did have a lot of fun and it was nice to just spend time with no plans, laughing together. I really enjoy random basic things. Spontaneous fun. Good times and warm memories.

Time to go and I thanked him for a great day and gave him a hug. I pull away from the hug to get in my car and he kisses me!!!

Now I have explained Eyes Guy kisses. To this day I’m waiting for another man to step up and take over the crown for ‘Best kisser ever’ but I’m starting to think that won’t happen and that thought makes me sad! I LOVE kissing but only if it’s goooood. I don’t kiss easily and I don’t kiss many men but when I do I want to melt right into it and lose thoughts of anything around me. So when Eyes Guy surprised me with this kiss I was too weak to even consider what was happening. So yeah, we kept kissing, I melted and I drove home completely shocked and unaware of anything that happened. I had no idea…

imageTwo days later we went for a walk, holding hands along the river front. It was a public holiday for the show. I was doing zumba classes at the show and visited him upon his invitation in between displays. We made out on his couch and it was like smitten teenagers. It was exciting and fun and I still had no idea what was going on. All I knew was that kissing could go on for hours (it kinda did!) and it made me smile. We had passion, connection and it was so different to anything.

Every person you meet you find attraction in, in different ways.

You can meet someone and have instant attraction. You can sense them, feel them. Be smitten by them, be drawn to them and the chemistry can be ridiculous.
You can meet another who you have equally as much care for but it takes time find that chemistry and desire for more. They are the ones you are obviously physically attracted to but more reserved with. They take time to build into something deep and meaningful. You know they are a wonderful person. You feel lucky to have them in your life. They tick many boxes but you just don’t have that ‘let’s do this’ excitement straight up.

Are either of them bad or is one better than the other? I used to question this and you try to do things differently than what didn’t work. I’ve come to realise you can’t make the rules. We all know couples who have been together half their life who met and that was it, they got married had kids and love each other more and more every day fifty years on.

We also know of couples who met and broke up. They had other relationships but always remembered each other. Years later they run into each other again or for whatever reason meet again. The passion returns and they fall in love. Who knows what’s best except for you: I believe in timing being everything.

I met and loved a beautiful man who was so perfect in so many ways but i always struggled with feeling like he wasn’t ready for me. It turned out I was right. I broke it off with him and it broke my heart. It was the last thing I wanted but I felt like it was what needed to be done. It hurt. In time he agreed. He needed time to be single. It was too soon after his last relationship (remember my questions when meeting someone new… How long have you been single?) and we all need time to heal. He hasn’t done this and as much as the thought he was over ‘her’ he hadn’t gotten over the experience. What I ended up with and still to this day have, is an amazing true friend with a friendship full of respect and love. I also inherited some new big brothers and it makes me smile.

We meet people at different times in our lives for different reasons. Who knows why I met Eyes Guy. To this day I still don’t know. I have my suspicions. We can talk about them later. This Eyes Guy story has only just begun…

Enjoy the moment and don’t close yourself off to anything. Life is short and love is everywhere in many different forms.

❤️ Cass

Dick Pics

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Meanwhile….
Back in Australia …

The actual dick pick story.

I got distracted when I began to write about this phenomena last time and never got to the ‘balls’ of the story.

Here’s is how a more experienced online dating person does it:

The basics

1. Open App and see who is around.
2. Swipe – let’s go with ‘like’ to progress this situation.
3. It’s a match!
4. Wait and see if he initiates conversation.

A good way to see if he may be an all-rounder with the initiating thing. Conversation, dates, showers, sleeping in… Ok SEX – I’m referring to SEX !!!
5. Be assertive and you initiate it because maybe he’s one of ‘those’ guys who has a thing about “meh meh meh Wah Wah Wah why does the guy have to be the one who says something first??” (Inserts random emoji)

Well, because you are the man and a man is ‘the man’. Let’s talk old skool… No…Really, really old school: Caveman Style.

He has a club. He goes hunting and gathering with his club. Bang bang on prey and knock out. Drag prey home.

He has a woman he hunted and gathered. He gathers food for her and feeds her. He protects her from wild animals (aka other potentials) by being all ‘manly’ grrr and taking care of her. Sure he might pull her hair and make animalistic noises to show he loves her but maybe she likes a man who takes control when it matters… Anyway…Diversion….

Where was I?
6. Chat back and forth to get a feel for each other.
7. Unmatch dickheads with attitudes.
8. Unmatch Ghosters (check the urban dictionary).
9. Unmatch men who are on the shorter side who clearly didn’t read your profile then become angry (short) man at you…Geez!
10. Decide if you want to swap numbers. I don’t often give mine out but take theirs, think about it.
11. Remind them that there will be NO sending of penis photos or immediate blocking will occur (all of them say ‘OMG as if I would do that! Who does that?  Yeah, yeah.
12. Text a “hello” with a photo of myself (clothed!) to prove I am in fact real if I think they are ok. I have the ‘block number’ option which is always a good back up plan.

In between these points are issues such as:

# I don’t come on here often
# I prefer to talk on the phone
# I don’t like online dating
# I prefer real in person dating
# Are you one of those girls who chats forever and never meets?
… And the rest (including want to come over?)

Now, here’s the thing…

This IS in fact ‘Online Dating’

You ARE actually ‘Online’ and meeting people you may be lucky enough, or not, to date.

You are NOT in front of them.

This is NOT a bar and chances are, you along with the rest of the sausage fest would be jostling for the chance to get my number and you may not even make it to a real life conversation therefore online gives you a more open opportunity.

So you don’t come on here often? Well why bother putting up a profile?

Do I chat forever and never meet? No, but you need to give me a reason to want to meet you by chatting and that’s associated with this thing called ‘effort’ mixed with a little ‘interest’ GAHhhhhhhh!!!

I’ll put this out there: I don’t have a problem finding a number of men to chat with as potentials and I’m sure most seemingly normal adults are in a similar position. Being that we have many options, be that guy who chases what he wants (pending of course she has shown interest otherwise that’s a bit creepy!) and give me a reason to want to engage in conversation with you and not them. A little fight in you for what you want is good!

Oh by the way, maybe consider removing the photo of your ex with you.

Also perhaps the very new baby your ex must have just given birth to. I see you are now online but you are ‘the best dad ever’. Ewww (please refer back to what a real man is). You could just write that you have children instead of posting photos of innocent kids on an adult dating site. Maybe it’s just me but I just don’t feel right looking at photos of children I don’t know… As much as you love them, it’s a dating site.

While we are at it, write something on your profile. No info = no effort / arrogance / trolling / something to hide.
No photo = no chance

So where was I?

Oh yes penises.

We must again discuss the Schlong. The Doodle. The Sausage. The Prick. The Dick. The Rod. The Magic Wand. The Gearstick. The Beast. The Pole. The Soldier. The PENIS and the (male) crowd favourite The Cock.

I do not want your cherished proud-as-pie penis selfie.

Why would I want to see that?

Your manhood and I have not met. We are not friends. We are not on endearing name terms and we are definitely not ready for naked time. Regardless of how huge you think it is. Regardless of what you see in movies or read about women and what we want in a man/penis. Regardless of how incredibly beautiful you think yours is, STOP IT! Stop it NOW!

I have had conversations with guys about this topic and they all (ok exceptions to a couple) say “Oh, but mine is nice, you would like mine.”

You know what. The truth is. I probably would like yours. Not because it is anything more special than the next but because if we are dating and I like you, I will like all that you are. The whole ‘package’. (Hahahaha see what I did there?) The eyes, the smile, the humour and yes the man junk. I’m not saying that stuff is pretty, don’t get me wrong, but it is part of the person you are with. It is personal and intimate.

Hey, go for it if you have been naked with someone already and they like that kind of thing but STOP texting your Dick Pic superstar selfies to strangers!
Just to add this in too: there will never be a point where an up close vagina selfie will be taken and shared by me either. #nonothatsnotgoingtohappen

 

Actual story…One of many but I have seemingly gained experience on how to avoid both the penis photos and the men who send them.

A guy on POF (Plenty of Fish) reads my profile and sends me a message. My profile had something like ‘give me a reason to notice you.’
He highlighted this in his messages. Ok that’s cool, he is making some effort and in this world that is refreshing.

We got through the above mentioned points and chatted. I wasn’t sure about him but he was enthusiastic so I said he could meet me on my break at work. He worked nearby so I wasn’t asking too much although him showering or at least changing and shaving may have been a bit impressive perhaps.

That day I worked a full shift so could take a one hour break but told him I only had half hour. I knew when I saw him he wasn’t my kinda guy and I was happy I went with the ‘half hour only’ option. (Also known as the get out of jail free card).

No spark from my end. We sat and had a snack at a cafe and chatted. I like to be open minded and understand this initial meeting is not easy. It’s full of anxiety and nerves so we can sometimes with be too quiet or talk too much to compensate. I know this because I am the same.

I went back to work at #rockwear and told my co-worker ‘nah’.

Now the girls I work with are lovely girls. I’m going to include one of their names because she is cool and won’t mind. Her name is Arnia. Arnia loves ‘love’. Well that’s how I see her.

She loves living single life through me with eye rolling stories and the excitement of ‘oh what’s he like?’

She loves babies and having babies. She is kind-hearted and wants the best for people. We have our moments when busy at work but ultimately I think she’s a wonderful human being and I want the best for her also.

She has always been vocal about her thoughts on me being single. She has often shown me her face of confusion as she states that she cannot understand how I am single. Basically she thinks highly of me in that way and wants to see me with a gorgeous kind man who deserves me (bless her sweet heart ❤️) and wants me to be happy.

I think she gets more frustrated by the number of duds I meet than I do. I’m used to it and it doesn’t surprise me anymore. She is always polite in her characterisations if she meets one, admitting in the aftermath what she REALLY thought! Funny stuff!

Arnia excitedly asks “soooo how did it go?”

I replied with a “Hmmm… Not really my kinda guy but I want to give him a chance. I do think he has just a bit too much energy for me.”

So whilst at work I don’t use my phone of course. I check it now and then if I go out the back room and might send a quick reply, as you do. I also take it with me on my breaks and respond to work and personal messages and calls.

Basically, I don’t have running conversations on my phone, is what I’m saying, and this is normal adult professional behaviour.

On Tuesdays, if I work, I finish at 5pm, check messages whilst walking to my car and then I drive to my class through peak hour traffic often arriving just before start time at 6pm.
Having blue tooth is great for replying to calls and multi tasking in the office/car. I had a text from (let’s call him Wingnut).

Well, actually a few texts.

Ranging from ‘you are beautiful’ to ‘I want to see you again, did you like me, did I pass?’

Then ‘oh, aren’t you talking to me now?’ And so on.

I had a lot of texts regarding work appointments for cosmetic tattoo that day and I always reply to work first then private. I quickly text him back to pacify him saying ‘Hey, I just finished work have not been with my phone.’

He replies straight away as ‘passive Wingnut’ saying ‘oh that’s ok. I wasn’t worried… Blah blah blahblahblah’. (Insert eye rolling from me)

I jump in car and start driving. I go about making phone calls and so on and he texts me again. I look down at red light and saw a phone full of texts so I ended up pulling over to see what the hell he was on about and ‘aggressive Wingnut’ says ‘Hey do you know the word “narcissistic “?’
I wrote ‘Yes it’s a great word’ as I’m starting to see the pages of him unfold and have a good idea where he is heading. I’m intelligent enough to take careful and specific steps with my responses.
He has now attached a dictionary meaning of the word and also a text saying ‘Do You think you are better than me?’ as a separate thought. This after another one asking if I wasn’t talking to him again. I had quickly written ‘driving’ when I was stopped. I do not text whilst driving I’m sorry!

So whilst on the side of the road wasting time I should be using to get to class on time but thinking I need to pacify mister aggressive, I reply: ‘I’m starting to feel a bit insulted actually.’
Passive Wingnut returns with ‘Oh no. I was just asking if you knew what a narcissist was.’

‘Ok I pulled over to reply but I need to get to class and I cannot text whilst I’m driving. Between this and work and teaching class I’m just unable to always reply straight away ok?’
Passive Wingnut understands ‘of course.’

I’m sure I don’t need to explain but now I’m going ‘WOAH’. I’m wondering how to quietly walk out of the room so he doesn’t notice and never be remembered of me again…. (NB not actually in a room with him).

I teach class, do my thing, eat, shower, talk to Naomi on Whatsapa about the Wingnut show that day and go to sleep.

He had sent more texts but was on iPhone so had IM. I had said I was going to be busy and didn’t open the texts (you can see if they have been read then). I thought I’d just deal with them in the morning and have a rest from Passive/Aggressive Wingnut for the night.

Wednesday mornings I get up earlier than usual as I teach a #Zumba Gold class at a retirement village quite a drive away especially through morning city traffic.

They are gorgeous. They are so much fun and full of life and always wondering about my single status, especially 83 year old Bill who is currently single and always the flirt – not just with me but also with my mum when she comes to visit! ❤️ them!

I do the usual thing and wake up, check texts then emails then FB then Tinder – if I am currently using it – In that order.

I had a bunch of texts from Wingnut as I knew, but when I opened it I had more surprises.

I was half asleep and a photo of an erect penis appears.

Now I have a new phone and therefore lost my texts otherwise I would post the text here. Not the photo but the accompanying message to justify it.

It went along the lines of…

“I know you don’t like these types of photos but IMO it’s best to be open and honest…
I think it’s best you have all the information I can give you to help you decide if I might be too big for you before you…

[ok are you ready for it??? Vomit bucket ready… Gag reflex under control…eewwww!!!] 

…allow me inside of you”

OMG OMG WTF???

So knowing I DO NOT ever like or want such a photo, he tries to find a reason to justify sending one. Seriously? That is how you try to give it a legitimate reason to be sent?

Side note… GROSS! He’s lying on his bed on his back.

It’s naked and erect pointing to the ceiling.

Wardrobe doors beside bed.

He is holding the base with one hand taking photo from side with the other.

Now gag even more at the Unmaintained bush region! Gahhhhh.

I enlarged the pic to remove the penis from the screen as I swipe it to the side and see a wirey mess of pubes… Ewww who does that?

I am laughing out loud in between being grossed out… Gotta send to friends! Gay friends, female friends.. Ewww
Let’s say we were all in agreement. Yuk!

I then replied to him:
“I wish you had not done this. I really don’t like men who share such things in messages with women they hardly know and I unfortunately would like to ask that you please don’t contact me any further.”

His response to this was acted out by Aggressive Wingnut of course, and the true colours were shown.

It was quite humorous.

FYI I am a Narcissist. This was his retaliation.

The use of a ‘big’ word does not make you an instant intellectual Wingnut. It is safe to say I had the upper hand there.

As soon as he replied, giving him the benefit of the doubt to be civil and failing, I simply blocked him from my phone.

My biggest problem was that my FB profile is completely public and he had been through it. I did not see his or know his FB name to be able to block him there. I needed to weed him out.

I thought to myself ‘He will be frantic over me blocking him and him not being able to get a response from me so he will go to FB for sure’.

Just the type of person he seems to be. He has to know what I’m doing and have access. I will write a post about Dick Pics and this situation and I guarantee he will write to me on FB as aggressive Wingnut comes out further.

Sure enough…

It didn’t take long and I had success! He sends me a PM on FB:

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I said nothing to him, just to myself… ‘T-dahhhh’ gotcha!’ You are now BLOCKED.

I’m sure he found a way to get around it with on another profile or a friend’s phone to see if I have talked about him more but guess what Wingnut, I forgot all about you until I started writing this blog and unfortunately there are not really any positives coming your way here.

I do have a copy of the Unmaintained erection…

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Note to men: I don’t need to repeat to not send Penis Selfies.
What I was going to say was, yeah, there’s not a whole lot of ‘sacred’ going on between Naomi and I, so she probably does know that you say weird things during sex and I don’t want to do that ever again with you, or you smell weird or can’t kiss or whatever. Idiosyncrasies I find off-putting.

Haha Calm down, I made those things up!

Or did I?

You may never know just how much detail is shared! #girltalk

❤️ Cass

Dating is sending me broke!!!

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Never let this post be about my expectations as a woman of being the one who does nothing, expects everything and throws tantrums like a spoilt princess … Not the case

But where have the gentlemen gone? (Side note … I’m generalising guys. This is based on experience of late and yes I know you are still meandering around out there 😘)
When I was younger I didn’t think much of it. I would be fascinated by girls prancing around Westfield putting their items on the counter and walking away as their boyfriend paid the bill. I would find it sweet at times when a girl nervously waited as her date paid for dinner. I would cringe as the high maintenance chick flicked her hair with the known expectation that at no point would she touch her wallet, which was probably good considering her hands were too precious to do a days work to earn her own income.

I watched my mum work and my mum worked hard. I watched my mum as a single girl dating too. I admired her and appreciated her for all the hard work she needed to do  to look after us.
I guess this is where I got my work ethic from. From the moment I started work life I never had only one job. I taught dance whilst still in school and had a part time job on weekends.

Years on and I still do the same. I work seven days a week doing three different lines of work. Why? Well why not?
I am not wealthy financially but all I have is my own. Everything I own I paid for myself and everything I am lucky to be able to do is because I work to enable this.

Men online ask the usual questions ‘what do you do?’ I tell them
The common response is ‘sounds like you don’t have time to date’
My response is ‘I’m single’ and ‘you make time for the things that matter’

Moving along
I am in all honesty, nervous about money. I’ve never had much and I appreciate how hard one works to get it.  I worry that I don’t have enough or if something should happen.  When it comes down to it, all I have to rely on is me. I have no husband to support any part of my life and I take care of myself.

A number of years ago I grew up!!
I met a wonderful man who thought I was crazy when I asked could I pay for dinner. I remember his confused face. He wouldn’t have it but when I explained it made me uncomfortable, he suggested I get coffee or breakfast sometimes but what he also said was ‘Cass, it isn’t about the money. I’m the man and I enjoy taking care of you that way. I also enjoy that you do all those little things for me, you make me feel cared for and appreciated.’

I like the idea of a man who is a man. A man who feels his role is the old fashioned one of being the provider and the protector, assertiveness is undeniably sexy.  He supports me and holds my hand through the scary stuff. He never controls me but he guides me and encourages me to be all I can be. He pushes strength.  Yes, it goes both ways when it comes to the female side of it too, but I’m talking about what attracts me to a man.
So let’s skip back to actual dating again since that’s what we are here to discuss.

I go on what I call ‘meetings’ when online dating as we know.

I want the guy who wants to be in charge and feel like he wants to take care of the lady. I don’t expect him to pay my way on everything but I want him to want to be that guy. It’s sexy. It’s masculine. It’s attractive.

Let ‘me give a recent example

Met a guy online and to be honest he was at the very young age limit I have in my search selection. We did the usual chatting eventually talking on the phone and he seems a bit more mature when speaking direct and we had good conversation so we planned a ‘meeting’
He came to my apartment building where I met him downstairs and we went for a walk along the river. He wasn’t really my ‘type’ but wasn’t unattractive. I had no instant attraction or chemistry but I am learning to be more open minded. I did however describe him to a friend as Vanilla Ice. (The hair)image

It was a lazy weekend as it was a long weekend and kind of quiet around the streets. He asked was I hungry and I actually was so I said sure… Let’s go eat… Actually … How about sushi then a movie as I had decided earlier I would go do a solo cinema trip later on. Why not take him? Couldn’t hurt right?. So I ran upstairs to throw on some jeans asking him to wait for me at his car and I’d be quick (NO ONE gets inside my place that easy)

We start driving and the movie I wanted to see was on down the road in just over an hour which was perfect for eating sushi first, so I directed him that way. When I mentioned the cinema he freaked out! ‘Is it on somewhere else? A girl I was seeing lives there’.
Me : Wow she lives in the cinema? Insert sarcasm
Vanilla Ice : No… But she lives near there
Me : And you can’t go to the movies there because …???
Ice Ice Baby : I don’t want to run into her she is psycho
Me : (rolling my eyes to myself and adding some sarcasm) So you think that a girl you dated (who is apparently a ‘psycho’ cause let’s face it all women who don’t continue sleeping with a man are definitely Psycho)
will coincidently be at the same cinema at the same time on the same day seeing the same movie as us?
Bad hair guy : Well she lives nearby and what if she sees us?
Me : Who cares?
Me : Gah let’s go to Southbank
(Red Alert!!! Warning signs!!!)

This movie wasn’t on until later there and I didn’t want to spend any additional time with Bad Hair Vanilla Ice Ice Baby Guy so I said it wasn’t on until late and we just went for sushi which I don’t actually even eat but I do know I can order cooked food there that I love. (FYI)

It was raining now and to avoid paid parking we parked somewhere in the next country (urgh) and walked down … Dude, this hair is not rain friendly l!!
I sucked it up

So we chat well enough sitting as the train circled sushi around and he eventually reached for a cheesecake. Now WHO goes to a sushi bar to eat cheesecake? Since when is cheesecake Japanese??? So I asked (after telling him Nooooo) how about we go to Cowch? (Cowch is an amazing dessert and cocktail cafe) Vanilla Ice replied that he had heard about it but not been. Being that I am very familiar with it I was the best person to guide him in his first experience.

We finished up sushi up and move to the cash register to pay for our plates. I said ‘I’ll get it’.  I pay for our dinner l.

Off we go to walk down the road to Cowch
We get there, sit down, get menus, I explain how it works. He is unsure what to get so I suggested I select for him which he agreed to and then watched me go to the order area (no table service) and yep, Pay. I paid again.

He loved it
We left and he dropped me home. I got him to drive by my car park entrance and said it was nice spending time with you, good night… Then I got out and went inside.

I sent a text saying thanks again for meeting me.

How did I feel? I didn’t care if I never saw him again. I have no attraction to a man with no assertion. I love a strong man. He never even challenged me over paying for sushi. He did however thank me. He DIDN’T try ‘Well I will get dessert then’ He just went along with that as it was. Now, I’m happy to pay but I want a man to at least offer the opposite.

What I didn’t find impressive was his lack of anything regarding dessert. No attempt to
pay but worse was that he didn’t even say thank you. He did seem to really enjoy what I ordered though.

This next day he text me to ask how my day was and I used that as an opportunity to have some finality. This is a copy and paste of the actual text conversation.

ME
“It was ok
Just worked and just got home.
It was nice to meet you and you seem like a nice person.
I think we are very different people though
I also notice the age difference too
Happy to stay friends though”

He responded
“Yeah I was actually thinking the same.”
(To myself) Oh BS you did or you wouldn’t have text me today to ask about my day!

I cheekily responded with
“Oh well Cheapest date for you ever”

He said (and I don’t even understand it)
“Was gonna pay for dinner but didn’t know where to start on the menu”

I just left it there as I have no idea what he was saying! Or trying to say. Or whatever!

I can add to this now
One month later exactly to the day he randomly texts me
Vanilla Ice

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Me : I know who it is

Vanilla : Ok, it’s a little creepy now. Shaking it up on the d floor. Monday of is sensational 👍👍

Maybe if he knew the word is ‘off’ MT ‘of’ then maybe I would have understood him better too!

Bring me a real sexy strong assertive man…please???  Someone ???

❤️ Cass

2 Dozen Roses Guy

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A rose by any other name…🌹

So a while back there was this guy that caught my attention online
What he wrote sounded genuine
His physical appearance in the one photo posted had a great smile and he looked like a great catch! Bonus was he looked like my kinda guy to look at if we are just being superficial. Tall | Lean | Fit  and perve-worthy!

We were exchanging messages for a while then I felt comfortable exchanging phone numbers. We had some text conversation then eventually spoke on the phone. I say eventually because I made the first big step to call and it was a few moments after he sent a text. How is it that a person misses your call when they literally just had their phone on their hand to text? Hmmmmmm

Anyway he was not overly confident with a cute bit of shyness at first which I found endearing.

Over a few weeks of not meeting we talked a lot on the phone. There seemed to be issues regarding meeting and I got to the point where I said enough is enough. ‘I am not wasting all this time getting to know someone this way that I may not have any chemistry with in person, and if we don’t meet now I don’t want to meet you at all.’

He sent me two dozen red roses. They were stunning and I have never had a man send me flowers before. I was at my work and a delivery person walked in with a massive arrangement of gorgeous roses for me. My face was soooo red!!! They were breathtaking and I appreciated the gesture incredibly. It made me want to meet him even more and say thank you face to face but this kept getting longer and longer in the lead up.

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One night he said he got home from work late and his mate asked him to drop off some car tools to him. It was around midnight. I said oh where does your mate live? Coincidently ‘rose guy’ needed to drive right past my place to get there so he had no choice but to agree to stop by. I went outside and waited in the quiet street as everyone slept so that I could finally meet this guy who said all the right things and sent me roses. (My housemate was very angry at me doing this at that time of night!)

I saw a car and I saw a person walking down the street towards me as a shadow… A big shadow…

When he finally stood in front of me I felt so cheated. It’s not about a persons looks as much as it is about a person pretending to look different to what they do. He did weights for sure but wasn’t the lean looking shirtless guy at the bbq in the photo online. That guy also had lots of hair. The guy in front of me did not have hair and was what I would call ‘fat man fit’. Different face, different body.

He was nothing physically that he represented himself as and the reluctance to meet me earlier seemed to strengthen my feeling that he was trying to be deceptive.

This is silly too. Anyone who knows me knows I am very much about who a man is not what they look like. I am not going to say I don’t care about looks because I do. That being said, I don’t have a check list of physicality that must be ticked off. I find attraction in the person when you meet. In their eyes where I feel I can see who a person is more clearly. (You tell a lot about a person from their eyes). In the chemistry or lack there of. In the smile and the warmth they possess from within. It’s no secret I prefer men taller than me. What IS important is honesty and trust and no amount of giant rose arrangement deliveries can compensate for deception

This guy seemed like he was a sweet person deep down and part of me feels bad. I was nice to him and told him how I felt without saying anything negative about appearances, just that I feel deceived and that he was dishonest and that his photo doesn’t look like it was him at all, even at a younger age. He swears it was from a recent bbq. Perhaps it was but was taken of a person other than him!

I recently blocked his number. He continued to ring and text constantly asking how I am and what I have been up to and I stopped replying. I don’t like men who don’t reply and don’t like doing this to another person. It’s mean and it’s rude. I did however tell him more than once in replying prior, that I dont wish to continue talking with him. I did do the right thing and in a nice way. (Note to men who ignore women … This would be the correct way to maturely deal with similar situations … Kindly say thank you but I don’t feel we are suited … Was nice meeting you … All the best)

I felt the best thing to do even though I don’t like to do it, was to block his number. I’m sure he still texts me without knowing I don’t get them. He deserves a sweet lady in his life but needs to meet them as the man he his, no smoke and mirrors.

I learnt a big lesson
As much as I am a bit shy with the meeting someone thing, chemistry is huge for me. I want to know before we waste so much time, whether we have potential chemistry. No more messing around. No amount of flower deliveries will compensate for deception.

It’s so easy to hide behind a phone screen and pretend to be someone you are not. It doesn’t get you far in person though.

❤️ Cass

The Dick Pic faux pas

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It takes a bit of experience to work out your groove with communication within online dating. Everyone is different in what generates sparks for them, how they like to interact and where their comfort levels lie when it comes to sexual content.

I seem to be a boring prude for the most part. I Unmatch and Block guys like there is an endless supply of eligible men to replace them! I am quite sure there is but let’s be honest, quality is a little harder to find.

I have age limits mostly on the ‘how young is too young’ side. When I was in my thirties I thought those of similar age were quite grown up and mature and those in their forties had no idea about modern concerns and were ‘too old’ . Now I am one of the ‘too old’ crew, I find men in their mid to early thirties way too young. Yes I am generalising of course as there are always exceptions to the rule. I am yet to find an exception however.

I was chatting with a guy I knew through mutual friends last year who was working really hard to get me to go out with him. He was only 34. He was most things not on my ‘perfect guy list’ (it’s just a dream, not an actual on paper list and I don’t actually stick to it in reality). He was under my preferred height so wearing heels is a negative. He smoked cigarettes. He wasn’t any good at spelling (yes it bugs me!!!) He liked to name drop. He played pokies/gambled (a lot).
Well that’s just a few. Oh one night at the casino when he was playing pokies he only had $100 notes so I gave him two $50s to swap. I don’t gamble at all (I don’t have any interest in it) He took them to avoid putting the $100 in and NEVER gave me my money back!!!! This guy earns way more money than me and I DONT gamble! I still managed to lose $100 though… #arsehole       Lesson learnt

He also had a fun personality and was confident. He insisted on always paying and always picked me up to go places.
We went out a few times and he did grow on me in some ways.  Very sceptical though and treading very carefully. Especially when he randomly grabbed my boobs in public on our first outing Ummm???

Many things popped up that made me notice our age difference. One of most significance was a conversation regarding how women apparently have ’15 different types of vaginas’ and he has names for each of them. I was shocked and quite disgusted. Mature men seem to think of a woman and her vagina as a thing of beauty that they are lucky to have access to. This was quite a new concept to me and one I’m not a huge fan of!

So I asked, ‘what do you mean 15 different types?’
‘You know, the angry vagina…’
‘Woah what? What is an angry vagina?’
He went on to explain this and a couple more . I then mentioned that there was no way he was ever going to see my vagina to enable him to give it a name .. One of the 15 never the less. WTF??? Seriously???

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On a side note I have seen more vaginas than an average man will in a lifetime. I have had a spray tan business with permanent hair reduction for ten years. Bi have seen possibly thousands of vaginas.  I think there are way more than 15 different options as I think every woman is unique. It’s like a finger print … Every lady has unique lady bits and I have never seen one looking angry at me!!!

Here’s another answer to men’s questions when they ask why women are not confident about themselves naked. How about this… The worst word in the English language that is the most offensive to use against another, is female anatomy specific (for those I may have lost there it starts with a C and ends in UNT)

OMG and men wonder why we think YOU think our lady bits are ugly. Not only is the biggest arsehole in your life at any given moment an ‘ugly/ dirty/ stinky/ fat/ messed up/ effed up’ / whatever other detailed descriptive word ….followed by the C-word but apparently some men have fifteen different words to describe vaginas. Cannot WAIT to get naked and have you judge the appearance of my vagina. It would be even better if you also made fun of its appearance in front of me. Oh and can we PLEASE leave the lights on so you can see every tiny detail?  Yeah that would be perfect… Not!

Hmmmm hang on, wasn’t I going to write about dick pics????

Next time !!!
SingleCass ❤️