The Texter

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Delete delete delete

Delete all the things!!

Stop yourself, don’t let yourself contact him anymore. Now you don’t have any of his contact details and you wish you did, but it’s good you don’t. The guy is meant to do the chasing, it’s a natural instinct. Stop, just stop!

So when you have a good instincts you decide to go against it. You want to believe that everything you felt and thought, is different time.

I met ‘The Texter’ or ‘TT’ online (of course since I hide in my bedroom Saturday nights!)  He was witty and interesting. Our conversation was different from the start. I sent him the first message, related to being his tour guide as his profile said he was new to Brisbane. He replied asking for references as to why I would be potentially successful in my application for this role. It continued from there and that’s the stuff I like. It’s not often that you connect with such easy and intelligent banter, and I had such a great time chatting. It is definitely extremely attractive in a person.

Then I think I always say ‘he’s different’ when a more unique conversation like this comes along. His photos were nice and normal. Assuming I have a ‘type’, he was a good height, looked active and into his fitness and smiled. Who doesn’t like a genuine smile?

After a few days of some very interesting, quickwitted back-and-forth about the usual things, I wanted to hear his voice and see if he intended on meeting. You learn through experience that you can have plenty of great conversation but nothing can make chemistry appear where it is not. I wanted to meet this man!

He wanted to text on watsapp which I do, but usually only with overseas friends. We lightly discussed Friday night. That never happened. We started chatting again and I told him I was disappointed and honestly, wondering what the secrets are. I even tell Naomi that I’m scared he is one of ‘those’ guys. One of the guys we say ‘There is always something wrong with the good guys’ and there always is. It’s like when you do meet a great man, you are excited and look forward to talking again, seeing him again. Then the ‘something’ comes out. I didn’t want a ‘something’ (well let’s be honest, I never do!) I want to be proven wrong… Please prove me wrong!!! Please don’t be ‘that guy’.

We were back to texting (initiated by me) and he asked me over to his hotel to ‘watch a movie and order in something to eat’. Apparently he was temporarily in a hotel whilst looking for a place to live in. Unfamiliar with the city he was unsure of suitable suburbs. Being that he is from
Melbourne I suggested some areas that he might feel more at home in. I am not comfortable going to meet a man at night whom I do not know in their hotel room. I did want to meet him and wanted so much to believe he wasn’t just all talk and only down for sex. I just settled in at home and went to bed.

 

 

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Some more texting the next day…I actually send voice messages on Watsap too. He just texts. There was a lot of conversation and we actually have gotten to know quite a lot about one another or at least what each of us have said. I know my words are truth and assume his are too. By all accounts he seems like a really kind person. He seems like a man who is respectful in his thoughts towards women. That he took his online account down because it didn’t feel natural. He did say he would like to wait to meet me until he is settled in. It’s hard to say yes to that because you get more invested in someone the longer you chat to them and it’s such a let down if you meet and there is just nothing there. I don’t want that. I would love for it to be all rainbows and unicorns with chemistry through the roof… Imagine that! Reality is though, there’s a chance that may not be.

I really like talking to him. He is intriguing. It’s that whole thing that’s so annoying but I don’t know if it’s because we are attracted to what we can’t have. We still think maybe we can and reality is it always turns out that we can’t! I wonder why we never learn…I know that I like to be optimistic and live with hope.

I asked him when he is going to cook me dinner (he mentioned he would like to do this) and he said the following Thursday. I said ‘OK’. He seems surprised. He checked and I said ‘Yes’. I think he was more surprised than I was that I agreed to meet him for the first time at his new place. By this point I’m at a stage where I don’t care, if that’s my only option to meet this guy then so be it. (Giving a friend a heads up of course as to where I will be just in case cause the murder’s axe comes out… You never know).

 

 

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We continue texting with lots of questions he gets more intimate with the conversation he sends me …. his penis! You all know I am NO fan of dick pics. Normally when someone sends me a penis photo I delete them because I don’t want that kind of guy. Somehow, when he sent it, it was more like a complement and somehow, he gets a different reaction from me than most guys would. I wonder if he was testing me. I did tell him I didn’t like those texts later on and he actually apologised in a very nice way. Yes, I broke my rule of dumping a dick sharer. I don’t know your penis.. We are not friends. We have never met. I would rather meet you in person and discover your attributes that way. Until then I can use my imagination and wonder what you are like and if I will like you. If I like the way you look and how you act. If I want to hold your hand and maybe I might want to kiss you. Now I have seen you that build up has kind of gone. Oh well what’s done is done.

For some reason I like him and I don’t find him offensive m. I kind of forgive his ways.

He told me one time that he likes the sound of my voice and listening to me speak (my voice messages). He said that I should do a video blog. I told him I actually do have a blog. He was surprised and asked about it. Do Naomi and I usually throw that whole slap in the face idea out there straight away? Hell no! That takes some time. Some we never tell. Some men feel instant paranoia. Some are excited at the thought of being written about. The ones who are more sincere ask what I will write about now … Cause with him I won’t be single for long.. #cute
A few are just intrigued so we share our URL with them and just roll with it.

TT asked me for it and I shared it with him. He was gone for a while and replied that he liked it. He asked some questions and I told him we would love to write a book one day and collate our stories or even better, hope someone stumbles across it wants to make a move… I would see that movie!!! He offered to share the site with his friend with contacts in the movie business asking my permission to do so. I replied that as lovely a gesture as that is, I would actually like to get to know him for him as my interest is in him right now. I don’t want to feel like I am taking advantage of him, I just really want to get to know him. Who knows… Maybe later.

He since asked a couple of times was I going to write a blog on him. I said I have no thoughts of doing that. I didn’t have a reason to I guess. Naomi and I don’t want to date men to write a blog. In fact you will have noticed both of us have been very quiet on the blog additions lately. We sometimes write about old experiences and make them seem like they are recent… Timing is not important but the stories are still valid and often quite funny. Lately though, we have both been quite over the dating scene, as for us it seems like one disappointment after another. We are both very busy with our work and that makes you even less interested in trying because you are tired and no make up in your pjs on Saturday night is way more inviting! For all those wondering … We would much rather talk to a great man who is holding our hand than write blogs about the silly ones. It might not be as entertaining for you readers, but we would be ecstatic to tell you this … Sadly that’s not the way it is.

 

 

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TT also asked me if I was lonely. That’s an interesting one.

Sometimes I feel alone. I wouldn’t be honest if I said I was lonely. I’m actually very content with my own company. I’m used to it. I also spend my days absorbing a lot of emotion from clients and customers and friends. Being alone at night is something I look forward to. Does that mean I don’t want to sleep with someone beside me? Absolutely not!!! That would make me incredibly happy but not for the sake of waking up with something poking me in the back each day! I want the real life penis pic in the flesh. The one I AM friends with and want to see each day.

Sunday night TT and I had a very stimulating conversation. I liked it a lot. I learned more about him. I felt comfortable with him. I had even made him a little video just to say hi with my dog. A (hopefully) nice surprise for him to receive. All this and I have still never heard his voice. It does make me wonder but I try to be optimistic.

Sometimes I think I’m thinking too much. He says he is pretty new to this (online) but maybe he’s not. Maybe he knows how to manipulate and play games. Maybe he’s very good at this. Maybe he’s not single. Maybe I’ll never meet him. (I actually think I never will and not for my want of trying) I hope that I do though, because this guy is someone I am sincerely interested in.

I can’t help but question his actions or lack there of though. I want him to change my mind on how this usually goes. I don’t want every guy to be the great guy that doesn’t work out.  It just doesn’t ever happen. I thought about it today. I messaged him last night and he didn’t reply and that’s fine, maybe he went to bed. I thought TT would reply when he woke up in the morning. I had asked him some key questions after a funny story that I shared with him and ….nothing then …nothing

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I thought about it. I initiate the conversation all the time. I’m the one that puts myself out there. I’m the one that sends voice messages, visuals of myself and I don’t get anything back from him except photographs and texts.

So I was thinking about when I stopped talking to him for a few days, I deleted my online accounts. I had a tinder account and plenty of fish. I just deleted them. I thought about it. I have been single for this long and I’ve been online. I could just be single and NOT be online and not be frustrated, not feel let down. Maybe by looking up away from my phone, I might actually see someone in real life!
I feel good about this.

He said he had conversations with a client of his and his client said that maybe I’m a ‘serial dater’. TT asked what that was and apparently it’s someone who watches too many romantic movies and has this idea of the ‘perfect man’. This ‘perfect man’ in their mind actually doesn’t exist. They said these women are never satisfied because they keep waiting for something that’s not real and go from one man to another.

He said that for the record, he told his client he thinks there are more layers to me than that. He told me that he looks forward to discovering those layers. Awe…what have I done???? Now I want to text him but I can’t because I deleted all the things!!! (Inner voice… It’s for your own good… If he is interested he will contact you)

The things that go through a girls head in the situation and let’s be honest I’ve never spoken with him.

Is he actually real? He talks of plans that don’t eventuate, he says he’s moving to Brisbane and he’s looking for a place …OK He says got a place now…OK
He says he’s away working again…OK
He says we’re going to catch up…OK
He says all the right things, he has me interested. I question these things not because I don’t think he’s honest but because there’s things missing but then, maybe it is because he’s awkward, maybe he’s shy, maybe he’s unsure.
The simplest of things, the easiest way to make it flow naturally… just talk (in his case ‘text’) and say hi. You don’t have to have a long conversation if you’re busy, but don’t ignore somebody
I don’t play those games. If I want to talk to him I’ll talk to him. If I want to say something I’ll say something.

He mentioned to me previously in earlier messages that he’s the type of guy, that if he likes someone he will chase her. I thought about this and I don’t know him that well, but if that’s who he is, he’s not chasing me which in his words should tell me he isn’t interested.  I’m handing everything to him, playing by his rules, and maybe that’s my problem. Maybe I do that too much but why should we be playing games?
Why can’t we just be who we are and communicate if we want to without being judged as it being ‘stalky’?

Imagine if a guy said ‘yeah she’s cool, she talks, she says it how it is, she’s honest, clearly likes me – she’s paying attention. There’s many other men that would like her attention right now but I have it, no one else does’image

And why can’t that guy just responded that he’s busy? Say (I don’t know) ‘I’m busy’ / ‘I’ll get back to you later’?
Ignoring someone is never a nice thing. Ignoring a girl is just mean. I don’t ignore people. If I can’t talk to them I say so… Because I’m interested in them. They will know I want to but I can’t right now.

 

So I messaged him, I sent him a voice message and I said what I said above.
I initiate conversation it’s not nice to feel ignored but I guess it shows me that what I imagined it could potentially be, it’s not. If it was, I would think differently. I would feel differently. The thing about Watsap is that you can see if someone has read/listened to your messages. He has read them a listened to it and he hasn’t replied.

Unfortunately it isn’t a huge surprise through experience.

I want to believe that this guy is a great guy I’ve never met him but I feel like I want to know more about him.
I don’t want to be ignored anymore I want someone to go ‘wow this one’s amazing and I want to know everything about her.’

So I guess dinner this week is off. I would love to be eating dinner with him. I was so excited and I’ve been looking forward to it. Who knows what goes on in a man’s head. I have no idea. Such a shame but it’s no surprise. I doubt I will hear from him. TT has his blog now though. Maybe that’s what he wanted?

❤️ Single Cass

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Assumptions

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As a female I am not the best at reading a guys thoughts on or after a date or two.
Are they interested?
What are they interested in?
How do they see me?
Did my inner nervousness make me talk too much?
Did he get my humour?

I don’t like that part that makes you wonder because often I think the worst

I met Hawaiian Shirt guy online and really enjoyed the text banter
He asked me to meet him that day which for a moment I considered but chose to overlook it and continue chatting online first. He lives in the western suburbs which is only around 45 minutes away. (Let’s call it ‘West’). I live 10 minutes from the CBD. I haven’t always lived here. My cousins, aunt and uncle live in the same town as he does so I do know the area a little from growing up as well as visiting friends there, plus work from time to time. I did however joke about not wanting to ‘get West on me’. There is a line from a movie Queen Latifah is in which has always stuck in my mind and makes me giggle. She is a car snob and has to drive someone in a borrowed vehicle. She stops at the car and says ‘OH hell no… I ain’t gettin no DEAWOO on me!’
For some reason it hits my funny bone. I often say this about things … Like West … As a joke. I even took a screen shot and sent it to my (male) friend who rang me and thought I was hilarious. Probably because he knows me well enough to know I don’t actually think less of West really, but it’s a funny joke.

So after chatting with Hawaiian Shirt guy for a day or so and liking his approach and liking our messaging, I shared my phone number with him adding the now mandatory ‘No Dick Pics’ warning. Which of course he responded with the usual response of ‘I would never do that’

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We chatted on the phone a few times the next day. I was driving in between classes therefore can’t text but have Bluetooth in my car so I can talk. He took the day off work (He is in the RAAF – Oz Airforce for overseas readers) so he was contactable throughout the day. What I particularly liked about him was that he remembered the small things. Asked how my class went. How my meeting was and how my burger date with Nicole was. We arranged to meet the next day. That’s very fast for me as we only started chatting online two days ago.

So during conversation I kept the act up about West to have fun with him. I really am not that bothered or judgmental but it was fun keeping him in his toes. He was ticking some great boxes so far.

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During conversations about dating experiences I mentioned the situation that arises sometimes. Guys write to me, I check out their profile and it says ‘love camping, fishing, 4 wheel driving’. I reply that I don’t think we are suited. If they ask why I tell them although I don’t mind those things they are clearly really passionate about it and I don’t want to camp all the time as I like hotels too! I also don’t want to go fishing. Not my thing. They usually back peddle and say they hardly go camping. I know this! I know they will own up to the fact they were saying it to sound more manly and all about the guy stuff! Sure I’ll go camping and 4 wheel driving. I’m a pretty tom boyish kinda girl. I grew up camping and 4 wheel driving but I won’t lie and say I cannot wait to go! I don’t want to go every weekend! When do you fit in other stuff that’s fun too? I like balance in life. I like to try new things and experience new things. Life to me is about exploring and learning and who better to do that with than your man??? Well …. When you have one that is.

So in conversation Hawaiian Shirt guy asks where to meet. He didn’t finish work until six. Due to the distance it would be 7.30/8pm. Most guys like to eat early so I suggested he eat dinner first then we could have cake. He was by now aware of my cheesecake love. I wanted to take this West guy to Chester Street Bakery and blow his ‘I will watch you eat yours’ mind. Apparently he won’t eat it.

#challengeaccepted (FYI – Yes you will!)

I told him if he wanted dinner we could eat sushi first and he liked that idea. I hadn’t told him about Chester Street.

He said ‘The Valley? Can’t you meet me part way?’
I said ‘Nooooo I’m not coming to West’
I felt Instant disappointment
Why did he have to be ‘that’ guy? That guy who doesn’t instinctively want to be the man and automatically go to the woman? Not expect a woman would drive that far at night on her own to meet a man she does not know? The guy goes to her and makes her feel at ease by being in her own environment removing any fear of the unknown.

DEAR MEN… You are meant to take care of the woman and ensure her safety. You go to her at first. You make the effort and show her you are interested. You don’t ask her to come to you! You don’t ask her to be in an unknown place out of her comfort zone! Would you like your daughter to be doing that with a man she does not know? Maybe during the day could be slightly acceptable but….

All good though as he came to me. Earlier actually than planned after he finished work early. I thanked him a few times because it is a bit of a drive and I appreciated the effort he made.

He was lovely. Apparently I have a ‘type’ although I find attraction in many different ways, my friends would say he was my type for sure. Masculine, taller, fit, cute smile, blue eyes, a bit rugged and nicely dressed. I don’t need fancy but I like a man who makes some effort. He made plenty. He drove all this way for a start.

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We had sushi
We had cakes
We walked everywhere
We went for a walk to the river and sat and chatted. I did my usual dog distracted pats, as people walked their dogs. Oh and I did ‘Is that man peeing off the balcony?’ Yea he was. He had a cigarette in one hand and his penis in the other and was peeing off the balcony onto the concrete below which was the glass door to the group fitness room of the gym under him! EWW!

He told me some crazy stories. He was still deeply in love with his wife many years after their wedding and was deployed overseas. He was so excited to come home to her but it seems she was having other men ‘at home’ with her. Stories like this make me so sad. If you don’t want to be with someone anymore break up with them!

Don’t cheat.
Stop cheating!!!

It seems it’s not surprising these days to hear someone was cheating and that is very sad. So he went a little crazy dealing with the heart break. He had his military buddies encouraging him and from what he shared, his pants region saw more action that he did in Iraq. He told me of one night stands with women he had absolutely NO attraction to but they asked so he said yes. One woman was self-conscious about her weight. His mate made him agree to go home with the first woman who tried to lure him away. He says a deal was a deal so he went home with this woman and had sex with her. She seemed shocked he went with her… In her private Limo to her penthouse home.

She was on top and asked could she strangle him. He said sure, thinking it was just a kinky playful game but no… She was trying to choke him!! So he tried to fight back and lost his erection … Quite a normal response when trying to not DIE!! She took it that he wasn’t attracted to her and asked him! He woke up not long after…She strangled him until he passed out!
The sweet part is that he said she was a really lovely lady. #niceguy

There were more stories including a mate doing ‘doggy’ with a woman who had Hawaiian Shirt guy’s name on her back. His mate told him he saw it and he lost his erection. OMG! How funny. Two years later his mate clearly visited this woman’s back again and took a photo … He showed me this photo. Again, Hawaiian Shirt guy wasn’t attracted to tattoo woman but she kept enticing him by cooking roast dinners and he loves home cooked food so he ate it then felt like he had to have sex with her!

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#crazystuff

We talked plenty… Well I did cause I tend to do that at first. I actually really liked him!!! (I know surprise to us all right???). I found him intelligent and fun and a decent person. Open and honest and not jealous or lacking confidence. We had some interesting conversations about his days after he got divorced and how he managed his break up with numerous women. It was quite funny to hear some of the situations he got himself into. He walked me home and gave me a hug and patted my back. Hmm …I even said ‘Did you just PAT me??’

He text me when he got home saying thank you and letting me know he was home. That is when it turned sadly strange.
He said he thinks I’m lovely and attractive but we don’t have enough in common because he lives in West and he likes camping. OMG is he for real? Here I was thinking I would really like to see this attractive intelligent man again. I would like to know more about him. I would happily drive out to West to do that. I love that he has a dream to own a farm on land one day. I like a man with goals and dreams. Would I like to live on a farm? If it wasn’t in the middle of nowhere then sure! How peaceful that would be and if you were with someone you loved … What more would you need?

I was a bit disappointed that he was so quick to assume and judge. Sure I joked about West but shallow I am not! If only people knew more about one another before assuming things. I think many people miss out on the ‘good stuff’ because they don’t give people the chance to show who they are. I did say I wasn’t driving out to West but that was the first meet up! Relationships, if that is what something becomes, are a two way street. If I liked someone I would make the effort and drive to them. Absolutely! You know when something is worth your effort. You do what feels right. Plus I’m a giver which is often my downfall but it’s part of who I am.

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So I rang him because texting is never a good idea when things are unclear.

I said ‘Did I say i didn’t like camping or I preferred a hotel?’ 

‘Did I not say it’s fun now and then?’

‘Did I say I didn’t like boats?’

He said I made it obvious I didn’t like the outdoors and he does. I don’t agree with that but ok. He said that I said I wouldn’t drive to West and that’s where he is from. That he grew up there and loves it there and it was like (my paying out on him) I was looking down on him.
I asked him was he finding an excuse before getting to know me because he is afraid of meeting someone he likes? Sabotage it before it begins perhaps? And I thought women overthink things.

I am not about to sit on a phone and try and talk someone into liking me enough to see me again. I’m already a little insulted but at least I know if he thinks about it and realises he may have been a bit hasty, we both know I tried my part well.

It was a nice night with a disappointing ending. Do I believe his reasoning or is it that he actually doesn’t find me attractive? Who knows what a man is thinking? Why would you say you had a lovely night, spend so long with someone (4 hours?) tell them you find them attractive, then spend the drive home finding reasons to avoid them?

Who knows …. Might go book myself a camp site and to Straddie for the weekend!

#guysareweird

❤️ Cass

P.S. No he didn’t wear a Hawaiian Shirt. He read some blogs though and joked that if I ever wrote a blog about him that I call him this. He thought it was funny to tease that the would meet me wearing a Hawaiian Shirt.  I’m sure he never expected I actually would be writing about him.

USA vs OZ Men

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There’s something to be said about the way we are brought up
When visiting America recently I was made brutally aware of the fact that I’ve come to accept Aussie guys and their behaviour as normal. It’s actually often embarrassingly disappointing

I had a beautiful boyfriend when I was younger and he was Californian. We met in Bali when he was surfing around the globe sponsored by companies we all know. A few months later I moved to California. We had the best time. We went to many beautiful places and did many amazing things. This is likely to be how my zest for travel and cultural awareness took hold. That and my love for being in the sun on new beaches around the world as much as possible. I love the waves and the beauty of the coastline. The smell of salt air. Skin glistening in the light and the warmth of the sun heating your whole body. It makes me smile. It excites me. Summer is by far my favourite time of year. You feel alive and full of energy. I love bikini weather and if I could have an endless summer every year that would be the best life ever!

imageAfter a while we decided to move to Australia. That’s a long story but let’s just say it ended due to visa issues and our young age being unsettled. Financially it was too difficult and we didn’t want to be told we had to marry in order to be together. We stayed in touch. Bare in mind at that time we had no email! We would call each other and write to each other still. We never fought or had any dislike for each other and vowed if one day we were able to at the right time and the right place then sure but as much as we missed each other, to just try again would only have the same results. At least we were wise in that way.

So one day his new girlfriend answered his phone. I asked to speak to him as I did. He came to the phone after some time and the words he used are forever engraved in my mind. Let’s just say I was to never contact him again. I was shocked. It wasn’t him. He wouldn’t speak like that by choice. As much as it hurt me I respected his wishes and his new girlfriend (the dominating force) and I never contacted him.  I was devastated not that I couldn’t but the way it went down. I missed him. I think I have missed him every day of my life since in some way.

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You see, I am unusual to most people and we have discussed this in here before. Even though I’m not romantically connected to someone anymore, I can still care for them, even still love them. Being able to separate emotion is something I do easily. The word love covers many meanings. It’s very different to being IN love.

I missed knowing how his life turned out. Knowing if he was happy. Knowing if he got married and had kids. He wanted kids and loved his sisters’ children when I knew him. I loved him and wanted everything good in this world for him and hoped he had that. I remembered his birthday every year but never could send a message and say happy birthday. I would think of him and tell him in my thoughts  I have memories and they are great but being able to share that friendship still would have been wonderful.

Life moves on.

I recently, one night, did some googling and found him. He doesn’t use FB much. I was so nervous. I saw his name and my heart started racing. I took a screen shot and sent it to my sister who added him straight away!!! OMG why???? OMG OMG

Anyway, we also became Facebook friends and started chatting. He rarely uses FB. We started chatting by text.

Guess what

I went to Cali a couple of weeks ago and stayed with him. I did an instructor training too and some work with my HOT HULA boss so I did some educational things whilst there too. It was awesome. I had longed to be in the same space as him for so long and it happened.

We are both such different people twenty years on. He is still a beautiful man. He is kind and generous. Extremely loving and honest. He is fun and makes everyone laugh. He still surfs and is well known in the surf industry for his work with broadcasting and the WSL. He lives in Newport Beach surrounded by equally as lovely people. It’s like Melrose Place!

If the front door is open anyone can drop in. The “anyones” could easily be in a fireman calendar. There are fireman and they are all tall, chiseled surfers with beautiful teeth and smiles and are seriously some of THE nicest people ever!!! imageThey are warm and friendly and make you feel like you have been friends forever. I was part of the crew instantly. We had BBQs that the men cooked and cleaned up after. They would offer to take me places, invited me if they were going somewhere, included me in conversation. Typical ‘good people’ behaviour.

Was he single? I know you all want to know.

Well yes actually. After being in a relationship for six years way too long (with the controlling girlfriend) he met his best friend and was married to her for ten years. Unfortunately they broke up after some pain to his heart and even though she did him wrong on more than one occasion, he still has love for her and wants the best for her. He has been single for a year now. He still believes in love and wants to find it.

He told me he has always loved me and loves others still, whom he loved before too. He is a caring person who doesn’t hold grudges and doesn’t feel resentment. He didn’t remember the phone call until I reminded him and he said ‘OMG yes, she made me say that. Thank you for respecting that’

So I was in California with him for a week. Yep I slept in his bed. It made  more sense than the couch. It wasn’t weird at all. Although it was a long time ago, it’s not like we hadn’t done it before! There was nothing sinister about it though. No romance. Just respectful and caring. It wasn’t awkward. We hung out. I did my thing and he did his. He works from home and the surf is across the road. If he isn’t working he is surfing. I would be doing my thing at the beach and jump when a wet, wet shirt was dropped on my belly.   Suddenly it was life repeating itself and it was so nice to be there with him.  Like old times, the bikini chick on the beach as the boys were out surfing.

#justlikeoldtimes

imageWe would ride bikes to the pier for lunch. Oh and I had a salad there that I would fly back there just to eat again. It was full of yumminess.

He picked me up from classes I attended and dropped me places never forgeting to what I mentioned I was wanting to do.  I’m quite used to looking after myself and could grab an uber anywhere but that’s not his style.

He sent me to the mall On afternoon.

We then went to the movies. Now let me explain this to you. Never at any point were we romantically connected. The whole time was beautifully friendly. Old friends who care and are excited to see each other. Total mutual respect.  I have new boobs since then so of course I let him check them out.  Haha …That was only fair.  😳😳

He doesn’t like the cinema.
I’m quite sure the mall isn’t his favourite place. He doesn’t eat out a lot. He heard me talking with his friend about the new Bourne movie (I love action movies).

So I get back from the beach and he says ‘What are your plans this afternoon?’ 

I said I didn’t really have any
He had thought it through

‘How about this… I send you up to Fashion Island for a while cause it’s the place all the girls love to shop. Then maybe at 5.30pm I meet you and we do have early dinner at The Cheesecake Factory   (✔️ he knows I love that place).

Then I thought we could go see the Bourne movie it’s on at 6.30pm
(✔️ Already looked it up)

So this is a guy … No a MAN …

Who isn’t even trying to date me or impress me.

A man who is just thoughtful and takes the lead. He used his uber account which for those not ‘uber educated’ it means he paid for it.

He met me on time.

He paid for dinner.  We had such a fantastic conversation about life!

He opened my car door. Without fail, every car trip, he opened my door for me. That’s just what ‘they’ do.

We went to the movies and after some discussion he allowed me to buy the tickets … Whilst he snuck to get the snacks. Awesome movie by the way! He loves movies but not the cinema so he did that for me too. It was such a lovely night.

Everytime I went to a car with a male or walked through a door, they open it and wait for you. It is absolutely Ladies First. It is just how they are brought up. They pay for dinner too. As much as I argue that’s what they do and wouldn’t have it any other way. If their mum found out they didn’t, there would be a clip over their ear and a stern talking to because they were brought up ‘better than that’. They respect women and it ouzes out of them. It’s not fake. It’s just how they are.

Now I had Tinder switched on over there. Out of respect for him I would not have gone on a date with anyone whilst staying at his place. I’m sure he would have encouraged it but that’s just disrespectful on my part to do such as thing. I was interested to see the men there though and OMG… Quality!!!

The amount of effort they put into their profiles is worthy of applause. They have clear photos without tigers and not wearing sunglasses! They have a head shot smiling. Maybe a body shot … Not almost naked. They are really trying to meet someone and doing it tastefully and respectfully. I’m sure some are all about the hook up too but the difference between Californian profiles and Aussie profiles is astounding. Even when you match they actually initiate conversation. The conversation is intelligent and not dirty. They use full words not text words I struggle to decipher. Oh and yes, the majority are absolutely gorgeous!!!

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Which way should I swipe????

I was walking his gorgeous dog to the pier one late afternoon. I had been out and about and when I got back his good friend was there and they were having a beer and chatting. I knew who she was as he had mentioned her a few times. (Not that it matters but they are plutonic friends). He thinks very highly of her and she instantly hugged me. Such a warm soul she has!

i thought I should give them some time so off ‘Jackie’ (the 11 year old Jack Russell) and I went. Not long into our walk, a black convertible Porche slowed down and the gentleman inside it, paid us a compliment saying ‘You two are just adorable’.

He had seen us walk by and because it is a one way street he needed to do a loop to catch us. Anyway, he was so lovely. He had a chat and then asked did I have plans later. I politely said I did and then mentioned the traffic jam he had started behind him might need to start moving! I thanked him for his compliments and off we went again.

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The next day I went for a walk to the grocery store. Whilst walking along the shop fronts a man getting out of his car to visit the barber shop stopped and told me how lovely I looked in my ‘Romper’. For those not sure what that is, I was wearing a jumpsuit or a onesie / halter neck all in one shorts set. He was up for a chat but I didn’t want to be rude so I thanked him for his kind words and went on my way smiling.

There were some other moments with men like this. Some friendly and some flirtatious. None of them …. NONE were offensive. Never were they disrespectful. Not once did thy resort to sleaziness. Nothing distasteful at all. The men were confident. They were assertive. They were polite and complimentary. They noticed something they liked and respectfully went after it. They were attractive. They took care of themselves. They spoke well and just did it all right.  I must add too, that the women in this area were really friendly too.  Everyone smiles.

My experiences in Australia are mostly far from this. On Saturday night it was my good friend’s  birthday celebration and we went to one of the bars thought of as being more ‘classy’ in the city. It was a bit cool so I wore pants instead of a dress. I was walking to my car after and a man on the street with glazed over drunk eyes said ‘Woar…. Smokin hot’

Now some may be flattered by this. I just rolled my eyes. If that’s the best you can come up with then I think I’ll move to California!

In all seriousness though, being in Cali did get me thinking about where I am at with men and dating. It showed me that I’ve come to accept that this is just how it is. It’s not what I want. I want a man who wants me and makes the effort to show me that. I’m done with being the equal and taking the first steps. I’ll be your equal but first, show me that you are the man. Get out your caveman club and use your hunting skills to lure me into your cave. In there you will nurture and protect me. You will take care of me the way a girl deserves.

#basichumanbehaviour

In return I will grow to love you. I will adore you and loyally do all that you want. I will aim to please you and take care of you with the same love in which you do for me. The main difference between me and a cavegirl is possibly the hygiene … I promise to shower and shave!!!

Time to lift your game Aussie men!

Show me I am wrong … This is a challenge to you and I’m all for being proven wrong by the right guy.

 

Eyes Guys #3 Gone Again

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Last we read, Eyes Guy and I were kissing on the couch …

(Read previous blog of Eyes Guy #1 and #2 to get up to speed)

 

This turned into a blissful relationship-heading, whirlwind time full of excitement and never ending smiles ..

I knew very little about him. I didn’t know his past and I never asked because of those words the first time of why he didn’t want to see me anymore without much explanation. In my mind there was something in his past that he wanted to leave behind and I’m good with that because I had nothing to do with his past! In saying this, although open minded as I always profess I am, I was also quite cautious with that whole ‘once bitten twice shy’ type of thinking.

I am very big on a past being exactly that. It’s none of my business unless someone wants to share parts of their life prior to you, with you. Of course this happens as you get to know each other but it is usually only the relevant things that we tend to bring up. Things like an awesome experience or maybe something from your childhood. Things about your family, where you grew up and so forth. We may talk about past relationships and where they went wrong. Places we have traveled to or jobs we have worked in. There are often parts of our past we don’t feel a need to share and also some things we just don’t want to remember. That’s ok because we all have those things. A life is lived through ups and downs and things we have excelled in and then things we wish we could have done better. We learn and hopefully they make us better people.

This ‘relationship’ whatever it was, was unlike no other. I could spend days talking about parts of it and still not be able to explain it properly. Eyes Guy would be an incredibly attentive, caring and thoughtful man. He would sit on the couch with me and just want to touch me as he watched his favourite TV show. I remember one night I was standing up at the table away from him eating pineapple pieces (random night time urge) watching a current affairs show with a story on Cuba. Of course in the background they were playing Cuban Salsa and it was a very well known song especially in my ‘Zumba’ world. I’m quite used to just keeping a low profile. I don’t need too much attention I just cruise along. I was busy eating my pineapple and watching TV (was a very interesting story) and I guess I was dancing a little to the music minding my own business. I instinctively felt eyes upon me and looked at Eyes Guy. He had this intense look in his eyes with a sort of knowing smile. It was freaky! You know when you have no idea someone has been watching you and then you find out? Suddenly you feel vulnerable and I shyly said ‘What???’ He said ‘You are just so cute!’ Then he said ‘Can you please come here?’ Of course I said ‘Why?????’ He said ‘Just come here… Please…’

So I walked over to him
He took his hands, put them on either side of my face and kissed me with intensity.
Then I went back to my pineapple as he continued with that sweet look of happiness towards me.

imageIt’s those small moments that you remember and hold onto. They are the real moments that you cannot force, they just happen on their own.

There were other moments too. I would go to see him after teaching a sweaty class. He gets up for work early therefore went to bed earlier than me normally. I would rush over and usually not eat dinner (I never told him this) just so I would not upset him by taking too long. He seemed to have his ways he liked things to be.  Not aggressively more of an OCD type of way. I just wanted to be there and spend some time. I remember a time I stripped off out of my sweaty zumba clothes and jumped in the shower to get clean and next minute he was getting in too! No… It wasn’t a dirty-mind moment, it was quite the opposite. He just gently started washing me. I’d not experienced this before as usually a man wants to shower with you for other reasons!!! There was no other reason. Just a man wanting to be sweet and do something thoughtful. This happened a number of times. Some nurturing and some raw and passionate. Sometimes there was one leading to another. Let’s just say that showering was never dull at his place unless I was there alone.

Whenever we slept in the same bed he would sleep the whole night completely wrapped around me. If I moved (I’m not good at this and lie awake for hours not wanting to move in case I woke him!) because I need personal space when I sleep (does anyone else find feet touching your feet creepy?) he would find me subconsciously and just need to be touching me.

In the morning when he got up for work I would wake as I’m a light sleeper but he would do his best to stay quiet. He would always come back into his room and say goodbye. I would sleepily kneel up to hug him with my eyes half closed (you know as you do like a kid so you don’t wake up too much???) and usually tell him how nice he looked. He always looked so handsome dressed to go to work. It’s a nice change to see a man dressed well for work as a contrast to casual Queensland clothes. If I didn’t wake up as much I remember he would kiss me gently on my forehead and leave me to sleep (that would be the BEST sleep all night!!! Hahaha I’m really not used to sharing a bed!) That sweet tender kiss on my head to say goodbye …

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All these little moments were amazing and I looked forward to them. My problem was that there were other ‘moments’ that made no sense. I wouldn’t hear from him and then suddenly I would. He would be busy and seeing him was always on his terms never on mine. We only saw each other at his house. He still knew very little about my daily life. I never met his friends and I still to this day don’t think they know I exist.  If they do, they would have no idea who I am to him.

On the opposite side, I know them all very well. I know their names, what they do, who they are to him. I know his mum and dad and his sister very well! None of them know me. I know of his past life, he had given away at that point. He was a DJ in a well known venue on a Sunday night. It was not his main line of work but something he was passionate about and apparently immersed in for a long time. I never knew him as that person, so how and why he left that behind was none of my business. I liked the person I met as who he was, at that point.

I never referred to him as my boyfriend. I never felt like I was acknowledged in return either. He was ‘someone I met’ or ‘someone I’m seeing’. I was having a conversation one time and used the term ‘boyfriend’ awkwardly in referring to Eyes Guy purely to avoid a needless explanation.  I uncomfortably told him about it and asked if that upset him if I called him that. I don’t remember what he said but I never used that term again about him. I got it… To him, I wasn’t that special.

One night I had a good friend from overseas in town. I invited her and another friend to meet me for dinner. Eyes Guys had been expecting me over that night. I had arranged dinner near his place and bravely worked up the courage to invite him to come. That meant almost being a ‘couple’ and meeting my very much-loved friends. He said he would come!!

There was an awesome outdoor dance event on too which I was excited to watch with everyone first. I drove to his place and as I was arriving he called and said he was tired and not coming. I said OK and clearly sounded disappointed. He told me that he visited some mates and had a couple of beers which made him tired and he has been lying down and wants to stay there. I was being the low drama chick that I am and although incredibly deflated I was going along with it. He asked where I was and I said that I was right by his place but that’s ok. He then said assertively ‘No, I’ve let you down and that’s not fair. Give me fifteen minutes to shower and get ready, I’m coming with you!’

To this day he has no idea how happy that made me to hear!! I wanted to hold his hand and enjoy a nice night with my friends… And him. He and I were having s great time watching the dance groups under the stars.  He started acted strange after my friends arrived and wanted to go home. I felt a mixture of embarrassment because it was rude to my friends who had gone way out of their way to be there, embarrassment because my friends must have felt bad for me, and confusion in his behaviour.

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We got back to his place and he told me that he is uncomfortable around me because I don’t drink. He said he doesn’t know how to act as he doesn’t have friends who don’t drink. He found it strange and didn’t know how to be.

(Ummm.. Normal???)

Ok, so at least there was something making some sense now. He always had this awkwardness about him at night thinking I didn’t notice there was vodka in his ‘orange juice’. Did he think I never noticed the dramatic changes in the levels of the vodka bottle on top of the kitchen cupboard each time I visited?  Did he think I couldn’t taste the alcohol on his breath when he kissed me?  And let’s mention one time I went to bed before him and woke up hours later without him.  I went out half asleep to see where he was and he quickly tried to hide the vodka bottle he was emptying into his ‘orange juice’.  I pretended I didn’t see anything as he nervously blurted out ‘What  are you doing?’.  I just took it all in, kissed his cheek and went back to bed so he didn’t feel like I noticed… I did… I always did.

To my close friends he was a whole other person and even they struggled to help me work it all out. We went out on a ‘date’ one night.  Well in his best thinking. I never went out with him to dinner so I asked if we could do that. I wanted to wear a hot dress and heels for him, dress up and feel pretty. We just walked down the street which was fine cause that area is full of nice places. He held my hand across the table as we sat which surprised me, although I must say when we went walking out and about he did always hold my hand. I love holding hands. I’m typically not much of a touchy-feely person but holding hands makes me feel all warm and fuzzy! That was one of the very few, if only times he told me I looked beautiful up to this point. I asked out of interest in conversation did he find me attractive at all and he replied asking why would I question that? I told him because I honestly don’t know because he never says anything like that. He told me if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have a hard penis would he? Well my thinking is that this is irrelevant … I mean… Don’t guys wake up with erections? Don’t they have ‘wet dreams’? Added to this, we all know their dedication to masturbating! All of these situations involve erect penises and have nothing to do with me so that whole answer doesn’t really have much credibility!

Basically, in those moments when you are naked with someone feeling exposed and vulnerable, feeling a crazy connection and incredible passion between you, a girl still needs the simplest of things, and that is to feel relaxed and confident … A girl just wants to be told she is beautiful or sexy or looks hot or whatever it might be. Having that thought in your head of ‘Maybe he doesn’t really like me that much after all and just likes sex’ and all sorts of self conscious thoughts don’t make immersing yourself in the moment and letting go easy.

Let’s just say it… Sex was amazing. It was amazing before we even actually got anywhere with it. Kissing him was always as mentioned, like my kryptonite. I would just melt into him the moment he pushed his lips to mine. Chemistry is something you cannot make happen. It just does or it doesn’t. It always did and without being too biological, physically it was intense. That aside, one thing that never happened was me! As much as I enjoyed every moment of every encounter, I never reached that place that strokes a mans ego and has him fist pump and high five himself, to himself. That part where he tells himself ‘oh fuck yeah… You’re the man’. image

Guess what… I didn’t really care. It was the experience of the ride not the final destination that I enjoyed the most. Especially the part where i got to fist pump and high five myself and tell myself that I was ‘the man’… So to speak!

Hey, I am very much a giver and my satisfaction is in giving satisfaction. The longer it went on, I think the more it etched away at his ego in that way, as much as I told him it’s no big deal. I still understood though.

Here you go guys… Here is what it was for me.

(Insert deep breath and type away Cass!).
GAHhhhhh!!!

Two things … I felt like when he would go down on me (not in every encounter) that he didn’t really enjoy doing it. When he did he would get annoyed I took too long. Therefore in my mind I’m thinking about him not liking doing this for me and ‘oh no he is getting annoyed at me’…Women orgasm with their minds as much as their bodies as we know. I was never going to like that. Also, I would start enjoying what he was doing and he would change it. This lead me to believe he didn’t know too much about this and it would make sense since he didn’t enjoy it.
Then there was sex itself. Does anyone remember the song with the line ‘She only cums when she’s on top’?

“This bed is on fire with passionate love
The neighbors complain about the noises above
But she only cums when she’s on top”

(The song LAID is from 1993 and by the Manchester band JAMES.. Great song!)

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You see the older you get the more comfortable you become knowing your body. I’m quite shy especially initially and I’m also very sensitive about other people’s feelings. I had told him I cum on top as most women do. Let’s add in the lack of confidence given to me (no compliments or noted comments) and being on top, exposed, being watched so closely, completely vulnerable and having him tell me numerous times he didn’t like how it felt for him when i was on top and again, my head is telling me to hurry up because he doesn’t like it and I’m a burden. I also never felt him touch my body or make me feel like he liked how it felt or what it looked like. One reason is because he never told me and because he never took the time to admire, touch to even kiss it.

Can you believe though despite all of this, our naked time was still something to shout about … It’s difficult to explain.

Around the six week mark he became distant. I didn’t hear from him much for most of the week and towards the end of the week, nothing. Eventually we spoke on the phone and he said that people in his life always leave and they don’t understand who he really is, they just leave him. He told me I understand him and he doesn’t want me to leave him. He sounded a bit stressed and looking back… Drunk?

Within a few days I got another call saying he didn’t want to see me again. He doesn’t feel anything for me. We don’t have any connection and that’s it.

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I text him and said don’t I have a say in this??? He said that I didn’t. I was again, left confused. If there was one thing we DID have it was a connection. A ridiculous connection. I sent a text and said I was going to finish class and come over and talk to him … Cause you know, that’s what adults do!! He replied and said that he won’t be home from work until late. I said it’s ok, I’ll just come over and wait until you get home. He rang me and had the most evil tone in his voice. He told me that if he gets home and I’m at his place waiting for him he will ring the police and tell them I am stalking him!!!

OMG … Who WAS this person on the phone?

I just went home and that was it, again.
Done | Finished | Over | No Idea Why

❤️ Cass

 

The ‘picker’

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Meanwhile back in Brisbane …

Why do I do this to myself? Why am I far too nice and why do I agree to meet guys I just know are not compatible? I feel bad and sometimes I go ‘OK’ way too easily and next thing I’m stuck in a cafe with Mister ‘Gahhhh’ unable to leave without being rude.

I thought about it and realised #warningtopotentialmen that Friday night is my ‘Gahhh whatever’ night. You see, I have a  Zumba class I teach on Friday nights in the city. It’s finished at 6pm and I usually wander around after and have something to eat. I love Brisbane City especially at night. It’s safe and full of life and it is very pretty. It’s lovely just walking around and being surprised by amazing buskers lining the mall in set spots and people watching, wondering who people are and why they are there… After work? Locals out for night shopping? Tourists? I love it!

I chatted to M on tinder and I think I found him to be one of those people who flick my switch! No not ‘that’ button… The ‘you are irritating’ button. He was nice enough then said some things that were strange. He seemed to have a thing about people cheating and asked if I was a flirt. Before I answered he told me not to lie because he can pick BS a mile away. Really? Assuming I lie already? So I told him I think I am. I then said but not in a sexual way. I enjoy flirtatious fun. I like being cheeky and having fun with people to hopefully make them feel good and smile. I often walk past a woman I don’t know and tell her something i noticed like ‘your hair looks really lovely’ or ‘you look so pretty in that dress’. I love the way they smile and instantly their confidence picks up. I call that flirting in a friendly way. So yes, when he asked directly do I flirt I said yes.

He didn’t like that and when I explained similar to above he text that he thinks I’m now trying to dig my way out of a hole. Right…. But I’m not in one in my eyes. I thought we were having a text conversation not a war!

imageThat aside, he asked to meet me and for my phone number. He didn’t communicate too much after that and I have a theory on this I’ll share a other time. We arranged Friday night. So back to my Friday night thing…any guy I’ve met Friday nights were duds. I also think I knew this when suggesting Friday night. I’m there, it’s not personal space as it’s not near my home at all, I can do my class then just change and meet. Do I shower and make effort? Maybe or maybe not!!! How about a beanie cause it’s cold that’s actually a beanie so I don’t have to do my hair!!! Yeah that happened! Hate me if you will.

He sent me the weirdest text… Ok not THE weirdest but it’s up there!

Later on….. Let’s play a game.

I’ll tell you a secret if you tell me a secret and your not allowed to ask any questions about that secret😊

I read it a few times with a frown on my face trying to work out WTF it meant! So you tell me something personal (when I don’t know you) and want me to tell you something personal but then we can’t talk about it?? WHY???

I replied ‘That’s weird’

His reply and let’s try to ignore the grammar issues

Your telling me!!!!

LJ my mate made me do it. I knew it!!! I didn’t want to

Anyway that was weird

I was as at the gym ready for zumba class and greeting the ladies. Viv is one of my gorgeous ‘stalkers’ (said in a very fun positive way!) she is always in classes I take in that area, loves zumba and loves my style of class. We have also developed a lovely friendship I cherish. She loves her weekly updates on guys I’ve met and is a fantastic co-eye roller!!! Whilst sitting with her I get a text saying

Looking forward to meeting you. Be yourself and have fun😊

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Really??? This is a soccer team and we are in year four? You need to give me a pre game pep talk? Dude… I’m always myself.

Anyway, great zumba class then I had clothes and make up and hair styling tools and 45 minutes to get ready. What did I do instead? Sat with Viv and enjoyed an awesome chat about her man and his ex and the interesting life they have both had together. Personal challenges and real life. I loved it. I had about 20 minutes left to get ready so Viv came into the bathroom with me to continue chatting … It’s a girl thing!!

I changed my sweaty underwear and freshened up some girl bits at the basin. It’s winter here so sweaty clothes are not a good idea in night air. I threw on some jeans, warm top, boots and had a warm jacket. Makeup… Haha just a touch up no effort… Oh come on, I’m just booootifull naturally! Hahahaha well let’s just say I did minimal.

Now this is something girls will understand. I had access to hair dryers and straighteners. What did I do? Nothing!!! I had wet messy hair as its curly and I straighten it and it gets wet from sweat again! I put on a beanie!

Seriously, I really didn’t try hard at all. Then I went down stairs. I had some spare time so I went and booked flights to America! As you do right?? I text him and he was late anyway so all good.

As soon as I saw him I knew there was absolutely no chance of attraction. Not my style. We walk different paths. I know you can always dress a man who has no idea regarding fashion but it says a lot about interests and style of a person. I’m no high-fashion girl but I do stay modern and dress nicely. You can look great with minimal effort and expense if you care about that sort of thing. Let’s say that he looked like where he lived. He also looked older than his age but told me how all his workmates think he is younger … Hmmm maybe being polite? Not a fitness person but that’s no deal breaker.

I ask if he has eaten and he said yes but he could eat again. I asked if he wanted to though. He said he didn’t mind. Ok another point here.. I want a man who is decisive and assertive or at least smart enough to realise I am hungry and makes an effort to sort that out. We went to the restaurant right there as I know they have tapas which makes things easy.

I order three small plates and water and he has a large cider. We talk and one of the first things he asks is why don’t I have nicer photos on my tinder profile? Long story short… He saw my Facebook come up as a suggested friend (happens based on having someone’s phone number) so he looked around (ok we all do it but to TELL someone you stalked their Facebook???). Anyway he said I had way better photos on my FB than on tinder. Hmmm kinda rude and insulting. I let it slide … Moving on …

He tells me that I ‘don’t mind to eat food do I?’ Ahhhh … That’s why we ordered food… To eat … And I’m hungry …. Food is a good thing to eat to stay alive? Moving on….

The Broncos (NRL football) were playing and there was a screen above his head that I was sneaking looks at. It became difficult to not noticeably take interest in it as the Broncos were getting smashed!!! That wasn’t hard either as his conversation was not interesting although I did my best to remain interested.

He asked some detailed questions and I answered them… Any siblings, where my parents live. Are they still together. Then he said did I have some questions for him? I said not really as I prefer to just have conversations and the things we want to say just naturally come out.

I am a people watcher. I find it is more common for me to notice things because I’m always sober. I’m always on the same level of mindset and being a ‘single girl dating’, very aware of my surroundings. I noticed a couple walking by. He was tall, well dressed, looked like he was averagely fit. She was very short, terribly dressed and very large. Good on them holding hands off to some social engagement together and seemed happy but how did they meet? Yes this can seem judgmental but seriously, how did that happen? Not saying it cannot I’m just wondering what brought them together because society says otherwise. Does he like larger short girls? Does she like standing on stools to kiss him?

So I said ‘Oooh look at that Interesting couple!’
He said ‘You like people watching don’t you?’ I said ‘Yes I find it fascinating coming up with ideas on where people come from and why they are here at this moment and how people met.’
He said ‘You think they shouldn’t be together don’t you?’
I said ‘I never said that.’
He said ‘Yes you did’ (by the way he was agreeing)
I said ‘No… If you remember the word I used was ‘interesting’ and you chose to assume the negative when I was not being negative at all just inquisitive.’
He then said ‘You are particular with words aren’t you?’
I said ‘Yes I believe words are very important. It isn’t what a person says bit the words they choose to say it with that tells the story.’

Next was asking if I had lived overseas. I asked why did he ask that and he said because I sound like I have an accent. I asked what accent do I have and he said he doesn’t know yet. Hmmm ok…. I then said what do I sound like and he said well not like a typical Aussie and certainly not a bogan. Right…. Ok then! OMG. I told him I do a lot of public speaking, especially during the instructor trainings overseas and I enjoy proper English language so possibly, I speak clearly and with good pronunciation … Actually slower and more clearly when overseas. He said yes. Geez!!! I sound strange because I don’t speak too lazily… Just another pick at me I was getting less surprised by each time.

He asks if I mind him ordering another drink. OMG I DO!!! So I politely say of course not. He orders another giant cider and I add another half hour of punishment… Glad I could see the football behind him! Oooh close up of Corey Parker my husband crush. Such a sexy man!!!  #shamelesseyecandy image

He also says that he thinks people who don’t ask questions are not people who are interested in other people’s lives. Ahh I see… Another ‘pick at Cass’ moment. I pause and take a breath. I reply that I don’t think that at all and as mentioned earlier, great conversations naturally fall into information being shared without questions. I don’t feel like I know you well enough for example, to be asking you a range of personal questions and feeling like I’m interrogating you. If you feel comfortable to share things you will, and I have learnt many things about you. (Like your negativity and constant need to pick at me and put me down which I am politely overlooking)

He then said ‘you don’t react to much do you?’
I questioned this
He continued ‘Well I have said some things that could have made you upset and you didn’t notice’.
I let out a cheeky laugh and looked at him all
Cute as I pointed to my head and said ‘oh no, it’s all being stored in here and I notice everything actually’

He said ‘Do you know that when you talk you use your face a lot and your eye does this weird thing? It’s funny’. As he chuckled to himself.
I said that I hope so because I use my face a lot when communicating when on stage and when doing my best to make people feel comfortable and relaxed. Plus that I was glad my “Botox” isn’t overdone (shout out to my injection magician Emma Taylor #injexclinics) Ha!!! Yeah guy..I get anti wrinkle injections and I love them!!!!

ANYTHING ELSE you want to pick at? Let’s be honest here. In the looks department if we want to be picky, he was falling way behind so why he felt he had a right to pick at me continually I do not know!!! To make him feel bigger?

He needed to use the bathroom so I used it as a ‘let’s take off’ (separately) point. As we walked to the cashier I got out my wallet. As soon as we stopped he said ‘So we will go halves yeah?’
I said ‘sure’ as I shook my head as rolled my eyes to myself
The waitress let us know there was a surcharge using cards. I had cash but he didn’t. No way he was going to pay for it all. I could have given him cash but Nooo. So I said it’s ok, just halve it and I’ll pay the extra!! That’s what we did. He needed exactly half!!

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I asked him where he parked and he said he wasn’t sure but took photos so he could find it again. We walked down the mall and I was off first to my usual spot and said ‘give me a hug’ to be nice and I left so relived! I would have run of he couldn’t see me!

In the morning I got the following texts

You wouldn’t believe what happened to me last night.

On the way back to my car I realised I forgot which carpark I parked in lol. Spent 2:30hrs looking for it and still can’t find it😜😜😜. I had to catch a cab home. About to have another look today. I even have the ticket and rang the number and they can’t help me. No one can find my car!!!!

He had told me at our amazing meeting that he knows when I read his texts because we both have IM so I didn’t want to ignore him although I really didn’t know what to say! My reply

‘Wow’

His next text

But on another note. The ball is in your court. I had a good think about it (while searching for a car). I like the way your mind works, really interesting.

It’s up to you whether you want to catch up again. If not, it was one of the most pleasant dates I’ve had.

Seriously???

imageLet’s break this down…
You are not physically attractive, we have little in common that this would make more attractive. If we dated you would continually pick at me and put me down. You would put words into my mouth I did not use. You are not a gentleman or a provider being ‘the man’ and taking care of things. You told me to pay half and that included your giant ciders when I don’t drink at all… If we are being specific. I was happy to pay but maybe on my suggestion or offer? I would rather pay the whole lot than be told to pay half by you! Then you can’t even find your car so how could you ever look after me? I wouldn’t tell a woman that car story at least not straight away. Down the track it might be hilarious but at that point … Embarrassingly unattractive and what a dick!!

Why did I agree to meet him? No more. But he made for some good blog material and hopefully makes other men out there feel great about themselves!

Oh my response to him

Thank you ‘Name’
There’s not much point us continuing to communicate
Hope the car was found

Eye roll
Eye roll
Eye roll
Followed of course by a Watsap conversation with Naomi and some more eye rolling

Dear males… Get your shit together
❤️ Cass

Eyes Guy #2

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imageMeanwhile …. The Eyes Guy story continues …

See Eyes Guys Intro for the start of the story

This story will more than likely have a number of editions
It has a lot of bends in the road we drive down over a long time
Some of those bends are a little too sharp and unpredictable to follow.

There are parts that may hit a raw wound with some readers and for those who know this story all I ask is that you understand that this is MY story to share. Is it all real and is it unaffected by creative licence? Is your version different to mine …. Maybe. We all take things in our own way to rationalise and process. We have our own opinions and feelings. Life, relationships, feelings … They are all open to interpretation and. Those who know me also know there is no malice within me and never would I aim to hurt another person.

And so it continues…

Less than two weeks after Eyes Guys and I met we were no longer talking. I don’t ever fall so much so fast for anyone.

(Haha just ask the frustrated single guys dating!!)

This was different though. I wanted to talk more, know more, kiss more. I was sucked in. I knew nothing about him but felt like I knew him without words. I knew nothing about his life until this point and I didn’t care about who what or why. A past is what makes you who you are but your personal past is yours not mine. If you choose to share information about it with me then that’s great but I value who a person is now. Who I see them to be. I don’t judge a person on their past unless it affects the present negatively and that includes me.

I was devastated and had no idea what happened. It all happened so fast and I just sat there shocked as I heard the words ‘I don’t want to see you again’. It had something to do with his past and someone or some people in it. Anyway, I couldn’t ask and I couldn’t do anything to change the outcome. I tried to call to talk to him but he didn’t take my call. I sent a text but it wasn’t answered. I accepted it and that was that.

A few months later I sent him a text and said

I really liked the person I saw you to be and I would like to think we could be friends. How would you feel about having a coffee one day?

He replied and said he would like that
I needed to go teach classes in Asia and said when I get back I’ll be in touch to organise something.

When I returned a few weeks later I had some tickets to the Brisbane Show we call the Ekka and asked him when the last time was that he went on rides and acted like a kid. We organised to go together.

It was nice to see him again. As you have learnt, I’m able to separate my emotions and accept when things change and how people feel about that. We were two nice people hanging out and laughing and having fun for the day.

We walked over to the show and chatted and I took him to one of the performances I was really interested to see which was a male tap dance group. As they began Eyes Guy leans over with this enthralled look on his face and tells me

This is awesome!!! Thank you for bringing me to this’

In conversation it turned out that he had never experienced such a show before. Being that my world is full of Dance, I loved the show but expected to. He thought we were going to watch a bunch of little girls in leotards making banging noises. What he experienced was 20-30 year old guys in cool clothes tapping away to funky beats and modern sounds. Some humour thrown in and some obvious friendships between them and Eyes Guy couldn’t help but be impressed. It was so nice to see his reaction.

We had a fun day through crowded paths and found some excellent exhibits and shows to entertain us. We went on a crazy ride and then off we went to the night show that included monster trucks and fireworks.

Now there was one point where we were going to choose a ride to go on and I looked down the alley and it was SO crowded. I’m not a fan of crowds. I looked down there to the masses of people and stopped. I looked at Eyes Guy and made a questioning face of ‘eeek’ and offered him my hand. He took it and we ventured through the crowd to our ride holding hands so as to not get lost.

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Now I, in all my innocence, meant nothing more than ‘hold my hand?’ But was surprised that from then on, my hand was never alone and when standing still I was held with arms wrapped around me and when watching the fireworks had puppy dog eyes looking up at me. For all the intuition I have and all the things I apparently know, I did not expect this and didn’t understand what was going on. He made it very clear a few months back that he was not interested in me that way and I accepted this. Even throughout all of this, I just reminded myself there was nothing more than friends going on and shrugged it off.

We walked back to my car afterwards and he still had my hand in his. I still naively went along with it. He left me at my car at the end of the night. We did have a lot of fun and it was nice to just spend time with no plans, laughing together. I really enjoy random basic things. Spontaneous fun. Good times and warm memories.

Time to go and I thanked him for a great day and gave him a hug. I pull away from the hug to get in my car and he kisses me!!!

Now I have explained Eyes Guy kisses. To this day I’m waiting for another man to step up and take over the crown for ‘Best kisser ever’ but I’m starting to think that won’t happen and that thought makes me sad! I LOVE kissing but only if it’s goooood. I don’t kiss easily and I don’t kiss many men but when I do I want to melt right into it and lose thoughts of anything around me. So when Eyes Guy surprised me with this kiss I was too weak to even consider what was happening. So yeah, we kept kissing, I melted and I drove home completely shocked and unaware of anything that happened. I had no idea…

imageTwo days later we went for a walk, holding hands along the river front. It was a public holiday for the show. I was doing zumba classes at the show and visited him upon his invitation in between displays. We made out on his couch and it was like smitten teenagers. It was exciting and fun and I still had no idea what was going on. All I knew was that kissing could go on for hours (it kinda did!) and it made me smile. We had passion, connection and it was so different to anything.

Every person you meet you find attraction in, in different ways.

You can meet someone and have instant attraction. You can sense them, feel them. Be smitten by them, be drawn to them and the chemistry can be ridiculous.
You can meet another who you have equally as much care for but it takes time find that chemistry and desire for more. They are the ones you are obviously physically attracted to but more reserved with. They take time to build into something deep and meaningful. You know they are a wonderful person. You feel lucky to have them in your life. They tick many boxes but you just don’t have that ‘let’s do this’ excitement straight up.

Are either of them bad or is one better than the other? I used to question this and you try to do things differently than what didn’t work. I’ve come to realise you can’t make the rules. We all know couples who have been together half their life who met and that was it, they got married had kids and love each other more and more every day fifty years on.

We also know of couples who met and broke up. They had other relationships but always remembered each other. Years later they run into each other again or for whatever reason meet again. The passion returns and they fall in love. Who knows what’s best except for you: I believe in timing being everything.

I met and loved a beautiful man who was so perfect in so many ways but i always struggled with feeling like he wasn’t ready for me. It turned out I was right. I broke it off with him and it broke my heart. It was the last thing I wanted but I felt like it was what needed to be done. It hurt. In time he agreed. He needed time to be single. It was too soon after his last relationship (remember my questions when meeting someone new… How long have you been single?) and we all need time to heal. He hasn’t done this and as much as the thought he was over ‘her’ he hadn’t gotten over the experience. What I ended up with and still to this day have, is an amazing true friend with a friendship full of respect and love. I also inherited some new big brothers and it makes me smile.

We meet people at different times in our lives for different reasons. Who knows why I met Eyes Guy. To this day I still don’t know. I have my suspicions. We can talk about them later. This Eyes Guy story has only just begun…

Enjoy the moment and don’t close yourself off to anything. Life is short and love is everywhere in many different forms.

❤️ Cass

Sloppy Seconds

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How would you feel to be the woman who takes a man back because the woman he was seeing after you, didn’t want him?

He spends his time with the new lady doing all he can to win her over and speaking terribly of his ex and how glad he is be able to clearly see how wrong they were together. That she is a bitch. That she has issues. That she is not s nice person. That she’s a selfish lover.

Apparently she broke up with him twice. She said they are very different people and so forth and didn’t want him.

So I watch this all unfold. Remember ‘The ExFiles’. This woman is #2 of #1.

https://2singlegirlsdating.com/2016/05/30/the-ex-files-1/

The one who messages me on FB asking if I met Bman online as she only dumped him two weeks ago. I seriously LOVE how strong my instincts are although I try hard to over ride them telling myself to be open minded.

Here’s the story…
Really liked him at first. Says all the right things. Good conversation, met, good chemistry in person. Spent some time getting to know each other. After a while of course we slept together and he was very eager to please. I wasn’t going to argue about this!!!

#himum #yesmumihavesex

Then the Ex messages me on FB and I was polite to her although rolling my eyes at the ongoing issue women seem to have with contacting people who they have no business contacting!!!! Seriously!!

One of my besties told me recently when we were having some girlie time, that her ex had been cheating on her. This is something she just found out because guess what …the girl he was apparently doing this with, sent her a FB message to tell her. She hasn’t spoken with this guy for some time and has been dating other people quite happily not even thinking about him. Why do girls need to do this? FB brings irrational behavioural issues right out in the limelight it seems. Oh, you were always a freaky manipulative freak show but now it’s easier for people to notice … Because you are making it obvious through writing things on FB!

Anyway… Where was I???
Oh yes, messed up messy people.

So I had a suspicion there was something not quite right and I was correct. Add to that another grown man with a drinking problem, an ex-wife, DVO and a child custody battle and I guess i was onto a winner right? Still, I’m being forgiving and open minded thinking there are two sides to
each story and that people can become better versions of themselves through experience. (Eye roll Cass)

Let’s move this story forward. Lied to me about how long he had been single, about being a non smoker… “Open minded Open minded”
Next, he came crawling back after ghosting me over a weekend and admitted that he had relapsed and started drinking. He proclaims to be a reformed alcoholic who also supports others going through the same. Sure but you have issues.

For those of you wondering what ‘ghosting’ is, here is my hand-fed Urban Dictionary link to help you out
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ghosting

I then allowed him to come over and visit although I wanted to watch football. He is from Victoria so NRL isn’t a priority over a vagina so he went down on me as I watched the game. Was a bloody great game!!! We won. I won!!! Was an awesome night all round!!! Haha #winning #scored

Ahhhh … I’m not that hideous. I returned the favour and more. It was a fun night and he stayed over and it was a good distraction from falling into his drinking patterns. I’m keeping myself very aware of this situation and even though he continually tells me how he is in love with me (way too soon) I just keep him at an arms distance. I know this story far too well. Oh did I add he was trying at every opportunity to join Naomi and I in Asia in July? I managed to avoid hearing those constant suggestions and pretend it was either a joke or went unnoticed. Seems he was keen to make it a romantic getaway together (Was the ex coming too???) #awkward #thitdwheel

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Some people need to supplement one addiction for another. He doesn’t like to be alone. If he is alone he may feel a desire to drink. He needs to feel comforted. Be that with bourbon or with a woman. His kids are being kept from him and he can only see them every second Saturday with a court approved chaperone and cannot be within a certain distance of his ex wife. He has given his version of why to me but it doesn’t add up. Again, there are two sides to every story.

What happened was …

He ignored me the following weekend again.

As Patti from Millionaire Matchmaker says…‘If you’re not his Saturday night, he’s not serious about you’

Metaphorical and realistic.

Saturday night is the night that is generally open for social activity. When you are interested in someone you want to see them then. You don’t want to be doing anything else. You hope they are available and you can see each other. He started texting me on the Monday morning.
After a few texts I asked ‘Are you trying to get in my good books?’
He said ‘Maybe… Is it working?’
I replied ‘Not sure’ and left it there.

On the Tuesday morning he asks what my plans were like for the day. I didn’t reply yet as I was busy. The second text asked could we meet up.

I called him a bit later when I had time and asked how he was and so forth. I then asked what he wanted to talk about. He was irritatingly lacking confidence. Gahhh .. Be a man and speak!!!

Finally ‘Ummm just about us and what’s going on with US
Me : OK so we will talk about you, and talk about me? (Pause for affect). Because after this weekend, clearly there is no US. It’s quite obvious by being ignored by you again that US does not exist. If you wanted an US, you certainly wouldn’t be ignoring me. So what did you want to say that can’t be discussed on the phone then?

He gingerly said that he didn’t know what to say to me. Urgh! As a mum says to a three year old ‘use your big hoy words’.  Another man who is intimidated easily! Communicate for goodness sake. Have an interactive adult conversation!!!

I continued with : I can’t see you this week much as I have a lot on but towards the end of the week I will let you know. I was being completely honest as I never commit to something unless I know I am able to do it. I had even planned a cafe catch up with my gorgeous friend K and when my week changed to hectic, kept her updated and respectfully let her know. FYI we didn’t catch up … But we did at a later date  . ❤️

I sent a text on the Friday and said that I had  some time that day  if he would like to catch up
He Ignored me
I roll my eyes to myself – something I do a lot.
I found a funny meme and sent it to him the Friday night (I must add that I actually do care for his welfare and do want to know that he is ok so as much as I think he is not a good potential ‘man’ in my life, I do feel I want to check on him)

imageHe replied the Saturday morning saying
‘That’s a bit funny’
I figured I would just call so I rang his phone and you guessed it, He ignored me.

The polite thing when you miss a call is to return the call …. No. Not him. He ignored me
I sent another text because I was actually feeling a bit concerned. I said can you please return my call and added a meme to be nice.

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The next morning he said
‘Will call you later today ok’.
And he didn’t, He ignored me

That night I replied to his above text to be sarcastic and said ‘sure’ cause clearly he lied again and He ignored me. He just doesn’t do as he says #goodindicationsoffuturereliabilityfail

He said
‘Do you still want me to call’
I told him probably not in the best frame of mind tonight now regarding him so another time would be better.

He actually called the next day. It made me laugh so much to hear he has gotten back with his ex. He asked why I found it funny which made me laugh even more to think he doesn’t know!
So the poor woman dumps him. He runs off and meets other people and tells them he loves them, and says all sorts of nasty things about her (which I actually don’t stand for and suggest isn’t very nice) and then when I tell him there is no US he talks her into taking him back!

Oh I laughed!

Did a care? Not really although I feel bad for her. I don’t think he ‘loves’ her or anyone. I feel bad that I got her left overs that she is now getting her leftovers regurgitated back to her (eww). Don’t forget either that I’m a Skank so you get him back with skank all over him.

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I did tell him some home truths. FYI, I asked if it was ok to do so before I unleashed them upon him

I said you are only going to hurt this woman again and break her heart, which clearly isn’t strong since she is so desperate to be with someone. I said you are a mess and I believe as I did from the start that you need to be single. You need to be single and sort your shit out and stop taking your mess and messing up the lives of others. You are no good to a woman you are a weak shell of a man. I do hope that you guys are blissfully happy together, I sincerely do because everyone deserves to be happy but I can only see it ending in tears.

For what it’s worth, for all the great things you proclaim yourself to be, you really are not. You know what a decent person I am, and you have treated me terribly. You have done the wrong thing by me numerous times and if you can stand there and feel good about yourself for being that person then good luck to you. I feel disrespected and mistreated and you are the so-called great guy responsible for that. It’s not nice and we don’t need to speak further.

I have no doubt he will entertain sessions talking about me and allowing nasty things to be said which is quite childish and sad. I was very kind to him and about his exes. Still, weak people do their best to feel better by running other people down.

Oh I ended it by saying I hope he enjoys the lack of blow jobs his future holds… Apparently me going down on him was rare thing and he wasn’t used to It. What??? What selfish women are not doing their part to give back and make a man feel special? I’ll put it out there… Those body parts of yours (men) may not be the prettiest of things but they are yours and I am a giver. I actually really like pleasing a man I’m with. Do I want some penis shoved down my throat? I could think of nicer things like cheesecake and donuts! The action itself isn’t the most fun thing but the feeling of making someone feel good and being responsible for their euphoria is well worth going out of my way for. If I’m happy to receive its only fair I return the favour and even start the ball rolling (hehe ‘ball’ – see what I did there???)

Anyway
The point if this story is this….
Being single should not be confused with loneliness. You should not NEED to be with someone you should WANT that.

Want it at a time when you are ready to give something of yourself to someone deserving.
Want to find someone who wants to find you.
Complement each other don’t drag each other down. Or one drag the other either.
A man is incomplete if he has not healed. We all need time to heal
It’s ok to need time because THAT is admirable

I find a man extremely sexy when they are confident and with direction
A past is fine but it’s a past and I don’t need to be dragged into it.
Bring me a man who is ready, sorted, strong and THAT is sexy. THAT is who I want. You ‘weak settling for something so that you are not alone’ women can keep your damaged men. (Ok I’m not that cold I understand humans and understand weaknesses but I just don’t want that in my life)

So Bman just think of this. If you do care about this woman … Consider what your messed up life is going to do to her. Your selfish need to feel loved … Is it worth the pain you will end up putting the both of you through?
As for the ex now current again … Is he really as great as you want to believe he is?

I feel like I was sitting down with some popcorn watching this unfold before me in between rolling my eyes in both ‘urgh you silly people moments and ‘Ahhhh that’s it right there ooooohhhhh’ moments. Personally I prefer the between my legs moments a whole lot more… Now just to combine popcorn with football and oral sex and I’m sorted!!! Maybe some cheesecake and donuts too… Ahhh bliss!!!

❤️ Cass

P.S. Eyes Guy is now reading this blog I recently found out.  I’ll ipdate some more on him later but to refresh you https://2singlegirlsdating.com/2016/05/14/eyes-guy-intro/