Eyes Guy #5

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Oh yes it’s been a long home between stories. It’s been s very long time between love and excitement of potential romance. Some stories I write fresh and post later. Some stories I write later and post fresh. Some are not always exact as I don’t feel
It’s right to involve everything and bring negative light to a person.

The story of Eyes Guy got intense and it changed incredibly. It’s a serious story and will likely hit a raw spot with many of you for varied reasons. Let’s see if I can share the intensity of how it went down.

Eyes Guy met his Girlfriend on Tinder. I watched from a distance and was very excited to see him so happy. We have touched on this before as she ended up contacting me. So let’s leave that part alone! See previous blogs on her.

Turns out, their relationship was extremely volatile and on and off like a light switch. I felt he needed someone one day as I did now and then so I asked him did he want to meet at a cafe. He did. We did. It was nice, he wanted to talk. He had stuff he was dealing with. Of course I was there for him. He decided he was moving which surprised me. He LOVED where he lived. I get it though, he wanted a change and I thought it was a great idea. A fresh perspective. He was moving in with a mate and wanted to work towards his dream of renovating houses and working for himself. I love people with drive and ambition and always encourage them.

I offered to help which he was happy with because there didn’t seem to be friends lining up to help. We chatted as we carried things to his Ute. He talked about his ex and how she was there begging him to try again. He talked like he was very over her. No interest and found her very unattractive now knowing who she is, how she is and how that isn’t something he wants in a person. I assumed he knew what I shared with him because it was openly on social media and his other friends knew too. She was seeing someone and had photos of their ‘sexy weekend’ all over socials. He said she came to his place on Friday night wanting him back, saying she loved him, begging him to try again. Saturday she was two hours away in a romantic hotel with a handsome man on a bed with innuendos captions. I assumed he knew and brought it up. He asked to see pics so I showed him. He seemed to take it well albeit irritated as you would be.

We continued moving furniture to his new place.

I then went to Asia to teach classes. I kept an eye on social media and did hear someone ask what was up with Eyes Guy, that maybe he drank all his housemates alcohol and his housemate was super angry. That was a shame but none of my concern. I only just started talking to him again and although I would support any issues he had, we weren’t in constant contact. I had things to do – like my life!

I spent an awesome few days with my ‘hubby’ (a guy I met on tinder a few years ago who lives in Singapore. An Aussie who is loads of fun and a wonderful plutonic friend). We joke I am wifey and he is my hubby. It’s perfect cause we don’t sleep together… the joke being that neither do married people! One of my besties Ella was visiting Singapore from Malaysia and we spent the day at Sentosa at the beach. It was here that my heart stopped!!!

FBE30BB0-9864-4C0A-ACD4-01128C66878A.jpegElla and I were sitting in Starbucks using their wifi and my phone rang through Facebook and it was Eyes Guy. I was panicked as he never just rings. His words spoken brought tears to my eyes. Just a little watery (because I don’t cry!) but the fright it gave me and the feeling of being helpless was very emotional.

He said ‘Where are you? I need you’
I told him I was in Singapore not back until Monday (it was maybe Thursday at this point and I still had a class in Malaysia to teach on the weekend)
I asked what was wrong
He said ‘I’m af my parents place. They came to get me. (What I heard was true) I am booked into a hospital to treat alcohol addiction. It’s the best hospital for this.’

This is what brought water to my eyes. To hear him say that he needed help and was getting it was huge! I was so happy.

He then said ‘and I thought of you. It’s you, it’s always been you. I need you. You are the one who has always been there.’

I told him to stay in touch and I will come and find him when I get back.

He called me each day to let me know how he was progressing. Each day he sounded more and more slow and dopey. Treatment was with drugs to help him through drying out his system apparently.

When I got home, I googled the hospital and went up in visiting hours. It was a good 45 minuets away and I went up every day in between work and classes to see him – because I promised I would.

The Monday I went up I saw him standing down the end of the corridor. I called his name and he turned to me with a big smile and said It’s Monday!’ He was so drugged up he looked terrible! He hugged me and kissed me hello and held my hand and didn’t let it go. He then introduced me to his parents. After knowing him for over three years this was the first time his parents had heard of my existence. I knew everything about them and his sister whom he adores. That says so much right?

During each visit that week I saw him go through ups and downs. He kept talking about it which was great. His parents were there every day. They updated me too. He didn’t sleep at night without drinking. That is what he felt started his issues with alcohol. He felt he needed to drink to get to sleep. He didn’t drink apart from af night. Hence why a previous doctor told him he didn’t have an alcohol problem, he was just self medicating!

Eyes guys told me about his psych sessions and then things started to become a bit clearer. He told me he told the psych about me. Ok….

I was being careful to not be showing him any signs of romance as I wasn’t there in that way, I was there because I love him and want to help him get better like I always promised I would. I asked him where he was going to live when he is released because he cannot go back to where he was, as it is a bad environment full of drinking and partying. He said to me that he spoke with the psychiatrist about this and he ‘can’t decide whether he gets his own place or just gets a place with me’. Oh wait, what??? Ummm noooo!!! Shit Shit Shit. What do I do????? I can’t reject him in this state! What if it makes him digress???? Shit. So I grabbed his hand and asked him to sit with me. I was very calm. I said to him ‘Eyes Guy, I think that this isn’t what you should be thinking about right now, I think you need to focus on you. You need to get yourself better not just for you but also for your daughter who needs someone she can look up to. Please don’t think about me right now, think about you.’

I fumbled through that visit then walked out with his parents and spat it all out. I told them that conversation and I told them with no question, that I was not in the same place as him and I don’t know how to handle this without causing harm. I at the same time, can’t be made to feel bad for this. For three years he has been telling me he doesn’t like me! I love him but as a dear friend not in any other way. I won’t be moving in with him or having a relationship with him!

BA1A1088-09DE-4A62-8DE0-FC927958F42C.jpegThe next night I visited him I was flying to America to visit my ex boyfriend (see that story in a previous blog) of twenty years the next day. I was going away for a week. He walked me to the door and we sat down. He talked again of ‘us’ and I said again, I need to be honest with you Eyes Guy. This is all overwhelming for me too. What I really believe needs to happen here is that you need to really focus on your treatment and focus on you. You are not in a place right now to take care of yourself let alone another person. I love you, I am here for you but I am not in the same place as you seem to be. I am not in love with you. You have spent three years telling me you don’t like me and I have accepted that for all this time. I am going to America and I am going to visit my boyfriend I broke up with twenty years ago and I am so excited. Let’s see how you are doing when I get back but I will check in with you whilst I’m away.

Regardless of his situation I needed to also take care of myself and to be true to myself I needed to be honest.

He didn’t respond much whilst I was away. The last we messaged it was at LAX waiting to fly home. He had his own place and was moving in. I would see him when I got back. He had been released from hospital. Things sounded great for him. I needed the time away to find some closure a long time coming and have some time to clear my mind away from my usual life. It was fantastic. I was ready to meet the new version of Eyes Guy. I was excited to see his new place and hear his new plans for life. A version that doesn’t drink. Who is thoughtful and focussed on good things!

What did happen was very different. He avoided seeing me. It was very suspicious. The trigger for his last binge drinking and the catalyst that put him in hospital was his ex as he didn’t know she was playing both him and the new guy. He got sucked into her plea for forgiveness again and then when he found out she was with another man the next night, it sent him spiralling downhill. Is that my fault? I don’t think so. I thought he was ok with it and didn’t tell him to be vindictive I actually didn’t think he wouldn’t know. As a friend however, although it sparked this, wouldn’t you want them to know? Ultimately it lead him the help he needed so….

Anyway, guess who found him and guess who he went back to
And guess who worked him over again? He messaged me and told me he was weak and he let her in. That he got burnt and shouldn’t have trusted her. That she said it was because of me that he started drinking that last time because I told him. WTF?

I have never seen or spoken to him since. He said (very nicely)
He decided he needed to remove both she and I from his life. That it’s negative and although he knows I’m not, he is confused that maybe she is right and he shouldn’t trust me. Wow. I said to him that I understand and respect his feelings to disconnect for a while to heal a little but not forever. I said I feel robbed! I spent all these years with an Eyes Guy who was broken and patiently held his hand through all the hard times, went through the treatment with him and I never get to be friends with the improved version. I never get to meet new Eyes Guy.

I guess I hurt him and his ego when I didn’t feel the same way. I understand that he needs a fresh start but it still hurt me too. It’s always been about him. All the time we knew each other, everything was on his terms. I did feel selfish in the end. I wanted to know this new version! I wanted to support his ongoing recovery. At the same time I guess I understood maybe old memories might be a negative thing. So I never spoke, we disconnected our avenues of contact to make it easier. I would see him walk by on his daily walks sometimes and I would watch from a distance to respect his space. One day I drove past. This was a year on. I turned around got out of my car and stood in front of him. My heart was pounding!!! What if he ignored me?

I smiled and said ‘Hey Eyes Guy’.
He stopped? Took his ear phones out and said ‘Cass! How are you?’
I said ‘I’m awesome. I just wanted to stop and hug you’
We hugged
I said ‘That’s all … nice to see you’

D31B1EBB-5AA1-492F-BB80-A007D977A9DA.jpegWith that I turned and got back in my car and drive off. I haven’t seen him since.

I heard he was back in hospital which didn’t surprise me. I saw a photo of a holiday he was on with a can of beer in his hand. I tried. I tried so hard to help. I did far more than most people would. I let go for the most part. I will always care and I do look out for him from a distance. It’s not my fight. I want him to be well. I want everything good for him. I can’t however control or change things. It’s not my fight and it’s not my responsibility.

This experience has given much knowledge. Recently I spoke to a friend and she mentioned alcohol as being a problem in a new relationship she is In. My experience gives me a lot of insight. I asked her is this is something she wants for the rest of her life. Is this her responsibility in such a new relationship. I told her she needs to decide if she wants to go down this path or is she too strong to do this. I said she deserves happiness. The more she takes on the more it will weigh her down. I know we care but how much of our life at this age must another person suck out of us with these problems? They won’t fix it until they decide to do it no matter how much we try to help. In the end, where do we stand? What are our losses? Do we win at all?

I dearly miss Eyes Guy. I wondered what it would be like to be with him without alcohol ruling his life and his choices. I considered maybe in time we could try to see if we worked together because there are so many great things that connect us. Ultimately though, my life is just fine without him. I have an inability to completely let go of people I care for. They are always in my thoughts hoping they are ok. Sometimes I wish I could just see him and hug him and know he is ok. Regardless of the bad stuff, I will always care.

9BDDC6C1-98CB-455A-B353-B4B14AA41249.jpegThat’s the end of that chapter and if Eyes Guys is reading this… I wish I knew you were ok. In my mind I like to think you are. I like those thoughts. ❤️

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