My Fist Pump

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imageI get a message ‘ I think we would be a good match’

I looked, I read, it sparked my attention
‘I think you might be right’

And so it started.

Meet my Fist Pump. On paper he is one of the most perfect matches I’ve met in years. He got my attention and kept it. That one whom you meet in person and that moment is everything it should be. Chemistry ✔️laughter ✔️comfort ✔️ attraction ✔️

I never share my number yet I gave it to him pretty fast. We sent a few texts, he seemed great and we met that night. He was visiting from New South Wales for work for a couple of days and comes to visit every couple of weeks. Perfect ✔️

I had been single for so long now I had begun to question if I know how to not be. Maybe dating someone who wasn’t around 24/7 was a great way to get back on the relationship track. All in all, the boxes were being ticked.

He came to meet me. I walked downstairs and looked out to see him. I got butterflies. He was totally my kind of man. I’m not a touchy-feely person and am cautious about touching someone I do not know. He hugged me hello and it felt perfectly right. We went for a walk then decided to eat together. Then decided to go for dessert. It was one of those first dates you don’t want to end. I try to be open minded but it does make you question what is the catch? It’s too good. Too easy!

I put him in my car and dropped him back to his hotel. He knew I was not comfortable with a man I just met and although I am not one to kiss men I just met, I would have! Instead, he fumbled somehow and said goodbye and I laughed and said ‘Did you just fist pump me goodbye???’

He went to his hotel and I went home smiling!!!

IMG_4622We talked through text the next day and he asked if he could see me again that night. I had class to teach and wouldn’t be home until later. He was having a work dinner nearby and I arranged to meet him there. It also happened to be the coldest day of the year and I don’t do cold weather well.

I rushed home, showered and dressed warm and went to meet him. We didn’t stay long as he wanted to spend time with me, not his work friends. We decided to go to the city. When we parked at his hotel we decided to walk to  a restaurant in the city as I hadn’t eaten. Getting out of the car the wind went right through me / it was so cold!!! I suggested we eat at the hotel. I trusted him which is not like me. I wanted pumpkin soup!!! So we went to his room and ordered. We chatted and got to know each other further. Then we made out a bit!

I went home and was really excited about this guy! He was leaving the next day though. I picked him up from his hotel and took him to the airport. Knowing we would see each other soon things felt great!

We stayed talking, texting, sexting!
He booked flights a few weekends later to visit. I planned it for us. I got time off work. I counted down the days so excited. He called me Wednesday night before the Friday he arrived. He said he wasn’t coming. What???
He said he’s can’t do this right now.
What???
Turned out his son needed him as he was going through some anxiety issues.
I was crushed. Being me though, I forgave him. He assured me it wasn’t me. He is a dad first and I respect that.

We continued our connection. He arranged a new visit. It didn’t happen. I went to see him, he didn’t meet with me. I never asked anything of him and over all these years of being let down by men, I gave up expecting anything. I looked forward to the hope things might change.
I stopped talking to him then started again. We talk like partners. We get each other. He is my biggest fan. I am his biggest fan. He gives great advice. I give the same. We laugh. There are glimmers of hope. He says he will do things like visit and surprise me and I think about it for five seconds then remember it won’t actually happen.

He never came back for work again. Things changed at work. Was he ever going to?

I still chat to other guys and have met a couple. I keep my options open but no one has come close to the feeling of Fist Pump. Would I start dating someone if they came along? Absolutely!
That would speak volumes to me.

Why didn’t I just give up? I did!!
I still chat with him though because nearly a year later we have gotten to know one another well. We do have a great friendship. He is a good human. He has personal issues … who doesn’t?

imageMy male friends say he is either not single and or not that into me. This is nothing I don’t already think myself. Ultimately, I like knowing he is there.

Where will it go? If I’m realistic… nowhere. I have put it to him numerous times ‘just tell me you aren’t into me’
His response is always ‘I can’t right now I have so much I need to focus on’. Much of it is financial. He has a time consuming job as well as a huge business loan on a gym he owns that he just renovated’. If he doesn’t make it work he loses everything.

Some people push people away when they are stressed. The Smart ones know the support of someone who cares makes it so much easier. I guess he isn’t too smart! In any case. He recently let me down in a big way. I don’t know how I feel about it. As an outsider I would have given advice to ditch him ages ago and there’s nothing anyone could say that I haven’t told myself.

My life has been full of bad timing. Of guys who let me down. Of hoping this one will be the one who proves my theories of let downs wrong. It never happens.

So my Fist Pump is the best thing that never actually happened to me. There are so many good things. Such good stuff there. Maybe one day. Who knows. Life goes on and it’s still a disappointment when it comes to men. I’m not sad though – well sometimes I guess I am. I would be more sad living a lie with a man that doesn’t make me happy. I’ll never be the type who is with someone for the sake of having someone there. I am a dreamer though. I see things differently. I say ‘Just take a chance and try!’ Safe people say ‘It’s too hard’.
The only time I like ‘hard’ is when ‘hard’ is exactly what you want 😊

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One thought on “My Fist Pump

  1. mashimaro

    Oh nooo Cass, I really thought maybe this time, someone special will be there for you but once again, its hot up instantly and then excuses on excuses of rather vague excuses.

    The guy was never available, certainly not for anything serious, I guess from the outset, the distance – what you thought was an ideal warm up back to being a couple, but it was superb for him to string others along, I bet he has a potential one every city he visits. He wasnt looking for a steady committed relationship at all.

    I am glad that you didnt give your goodies to him quickly at the starts.

    Considered it a lucky escape, i know financial stability and security isnt everything but considering he hasnt quite got his life together, single dad, massive debt, potential risk of business going bust….

    instant family and instant business partner, its too much, too deep and too everything to jump in with 2 feet.

    Dont lose hope, you are a wonderful lady, someone will come along and will tick those boxes, on top of being financially secured, living geographically close by, emotionally available and also dead set on a long term committal relationship with you.

    Bad timing isnt Fist Pump he is most certainly NOT available.
    but you get a good friend out of it, which isnt bad…perhaps he has some decent guy friends?

    Like

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