Assumptions

Standard

As a female I am not the best at reading a guys thoughts on or after a date or two.
Are they interested?
What are they interested in?
How do they see me?
Did my inner nervousness make me talk too much?
Did he get my humour?

I don’t like that part that makes you wonder because often I think the worst

I met Hawaiian Shirt guy online and really enjoyed the text banter
He asked me to meet him that day which for a moment I considered but chose to overlook it and continue chatting online first. He lives in the western suburbs which is only around 45 minutes away. (Let’s call it ‘West’). I live 10 minutes from the CBD. I haven’t always lived here. My cousins, aunt and uncle live in the same town as he does so I do know the area a little from growing up as well as visiting friends there, plus work from time to time. I did however joke about not wanting to ‘get West on me’. There is a line from a movie Queen Latifah is in which has always stuck in my mind and makes me giggle. She is a car snob and has to drive someone in a borrowed vehicle. She stops at the car and says ‘OH hell no… I ain’t gettin no DEAWOO on me!’
For some reason it hits my funny bone. I often say this about things … Like West … As a joke. I even took a screen shot and sent it to my (male) friend who rang me and thought I was hilarious. Probably because he knows me well enough to know I don’t actually think less of West really, but it’s a funny joke.

So after chatting with Hawaiian Shirt guy for a day or so and liking his approach and liking our messaging, I shared my phone number with him adding the now mandatory ‘No Dick Pics’ warning. Which of course he responded with the usual response of ‘I would never do that’

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We chatted on the phone a few times the next day. I was driving in between classes therefore can’t text but have Bluetooth in my car so I can talk. He took the day off work (He is in the RAAF – Oz Airforce for overseas readers) so he was contactable throughout the day. What I particularly liked about him was that he remembered the small things. Asked how my class went. How my meeting was and how my burger date with Nicole was. We arranged to meet the next day. That’s very fast for me as we only started chatting online two days ago.

So during conversation I kept the act up about West to have fun with him. I really am not that bothered or judgmental but it was fun keeping him in his toes. He was ticking some great boxes so far.

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During conversations about dating experiences I mentioned the situation that arises sometimes. Guys write to me, I check out their profile and it says ‘love camping, fishing, 4 wheel driving’. I reply that I don’t think we are suited. If they ask why I tell them although I don’t mind those things they are clearly really passionate about it and I don’t want to camp all the time as I like hotels too! I also don’t want to go fishing. Not my thing. They usually back peddle and say they hardly go camping. I know this! I know they will own up to the fact they were saying it to sound more manly and all about the guy stuff! Sure I’ll go camping and 4 wheel driving. I’m a pretty tom boyish kinda girl. I grew up camping and 4 wheel driving but I won’t lie and say I cannot wait to go! I don’t want to go every weekend! When do you fit in other stuff that’s fun too? I like balance in life. I like to try new things and experience new things. Life to me is about exploring and learning and who better to do that with than your man??? Well …. When you have one that is.

So in conversation Hawaiian Shirt guy asks where to meet. He didn’t finish work until six. Due to the distance it would be 7.30/8pm. Most guys like to eat early so I suggested he eat dinner first then we could have cake. He was by now aware of my cheesecake love. I wanted to take this West guy to Chester Street Bakery and blow his ‘I will watch you eat yours’ mind. Apparently he won’t eat it.

#challengeaccepted (FYI – Yes you will!)

I told him if he wanted dinner we could eat sushi first and he liked that idea. I hadn’t told him about Chester Street.

He said ‘The Valley? Can’t you meet me part way?’
I said ‘Nooooo I’m not coming to West’
I felt Instant disappointment
Why did he have to be ‘that’ guy? That guy who doesn’t instinctively want to be the man and automatically go to the woman? Not expect a woman would drive that far at night on her own to meet a man she does not know? The guy goes to her and makes her feel at ease by being in her own environment removing any fear of the unknown.

DEAR MEN… You are meant to take care of the woman and ensure her safety. You go to her at first. You make the effort and show her you are interested. You don’t ask her to come to you! You don’t ask her to be in an unknown place out of her comfort zone! Would you like your daughter to be doing that with a man she does not know? Maybe during the day could be slightly acceptable but….

All good though as he came to me. Earlier actually than planned after he finished work early. I thanked him a few times because it is a bit of a drive and I appreciated the effort he made.

He was lovely. Apparently I have a ‘type’ although I find attraction in many different ways, my friends would say he was my type for sure. Masculine, taller, fit, cute smile, blue eyes, a bit rugged and nicely dressed. I don’t need fancy but I like a man who makes some effort. He made plenty. He drove all this way for a start.

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We had sushi
We had cakes
We walked everywhere
We went for a walk to the river and sat and chatted. I did my usual dog distracted pats, as people walked their dogs. Oh and I did ‘Is that man peeing off the balcony?’ Yea he was. He had a cigarette in one hand and his penis in the other and was peeing off the balcony onto the concrete below which was the glass door to the group fitness room of the gym under him! EWW!

He told me some crazy stories. He was still deeply in love with his wife many years after their wedding and was deployed overseas. He was so excited to come home to her but it seems she was having other men ‘at home’ with her. Stories like this make me so sad. If you don’t want to be with someone anymore break up with them!

Don’t cheat.
Stop cheating!!!

It seems it’s not surprising these days to hear someone was cheating and that is very sad. So he went a little crazy dealing with the heart break. He had his military buddies encouraging him and from what he shared, his pants region saw more action that he did in Iraq. He told me of one night stands with women he had absolutely NO attraction to but they asked so he said yes. One woman was self-conscious about her weight. His mate made him agree to go home with the first woman who tried to lure him away. He says a deal was a deal so he went home with this woman and had sex with her. She seemed shocked he went with her… In her private Limo to her penthouse home.

She was on top and asked could she strangle him. He said sure, thinking it was just a kinky playful game but no… She was trying to choke him!! So he tried to fight back and lost his erection … Quite a normal response when trying to not DIE!! She took it that he wasn’t attracted to her and asked him! He woke up not long after…She strangled him until he passed out!
The sweet part is that he said she was a really lovely lady. #niceguy

There were more stories including a mate doing ‘doggy’ with a woman who had Hawaiian Shirt guy’s name on her back. His mate told him he saw it and he lost his erection. OMG! How funny. Two years later his mate clearly visited this woman’s back again and took a photo … He showed me this photo. Again, Hawaiian Shirt guy wasn’t attracted to tattoo woman but she kept enticing him by cooking roast dinners and he loves home cooked food so he ate it then felt like he had to have sex with her!

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#crazystuff

We talked plenty… Well I did cause I tend to do that at first. I actually really liked him!!! (I know surprise to us all right???). I found him intelligent and fun and a decent person. Open and honest and not jealous or lacking confidence. We had some interesting conversations about his days after he got divorced and how he managed his break up with numerous women. It was quite funny to hear some of the situations he got himself into. He walked me home and gave me a hug and patted my back. Hmm …I even said ‘Did you just PAT me??’

He text me when he got home saying thank you and letting me know he was home. That is when it turned sadly strange.
He said he thinks I’m lovely and attractive but we don’t have enough in common because he lives in West and he likes camping. OMG is he for real? Here I was thinking I would really like to see this attractive intelligent man again. I would like to know more about him. I would happily drive out to West to do that. I love that he has a dream to own a farm on land one day. I like a man with goals and dreams. Would I like to live on a farm? If it wasn’t in the middle of nowhere then sure! How peaceful that would be and if you were with someone you loved … What more would you need?

I was a bit disappointed that he was so quick to assume and judge. Sure I joked about West but shallow I am not! If only people knew more about one another before assuming things. I think many people miss out on the ‘good stuff’ because they don’t give people the chance to show who they are. I did say I wasn’t driving out to West but that was the first meet up! Relationships, if that is what something becomes, are a two way street. If I liked someone I would make the effort and drive to them. Absolutely! You know when something is worth your effort. You do what feels right. Plus I’m a giver which is often my downfall but it’s part of who I am.

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So I rang him because texting is never a good idea when things are unclear.

I said ‘Did I say i didn’t like camping or I preferred a hotel?’ 

‘Did I not say it’s fun now and then?’

‘Did I say I didn’t like boats?’

He said I made it obvious I didn’t like the outdoors and he does. I don’t agree with that but ok. He said that I said I wouldn’t drive to West and that’s where he is from. That he grew up there and loves it there and it was like (my paying out on him) I was looking down on him.
I asked him was he finding an excuse before getting to know me because he is afraid of meeting someone he likes? Sabotage it before it begins perhaps? And I thought women overthink things.

I am not about to sit on a phone and try and talk someone into liking me enough to see me again. I’m already a little insulted but at least I know if he thinks about it and realises he may have been a bit hasty, we both know I tried my part well.

It was a nice night with a disappointing ending. Do I believe his reasoning or is it that he actually doesn’t find me attractive? Who knows what a man is thinking? Why would you say you had a lovely night, spend so long with someone (4 hours?) tell them you find them attractive, then spend the drive home finding reasons to avoid them?

Who knows …. Might go book myself a camp site and to Straddie for the weekend!

#guysareweird

❤️ Cass

P.S. No he didn’t wear a Hawaiian Shirt. He read some blogs though and joked that if I ever wrote a blog about him that I call him this. He thought it was funny to tease that the would meet me wearing a Hawaiian Shirt.  I’m sure he never expected I actually would be writing about him.

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One thought on “Assumptions

  1. mashimaro

    I dont think he is making excuses at all, he is actually a very genuine guy and actually listened to you, and kept mental notes of what your likes and dislikes are.

    Even if this was to go further, i think ultimate the long distance will still rear its ugly head again, whether you are happy to venture out to the West or not.

    Sure, I, too was expecting him to re-adjust his response a little, once you elaborated your previous throw-away comments. However, the common things, perhaps isnt enough for him, camping stuff, driving stuff, are just a couple little things, obviously over 4 hours spent chatting, you two got to know each other quite a lot and he shared a lot of info. on his love life and sex life which he wouldnt need to share on the first date but he did anyway,

    Has he fully gotten over his divorce? was he still pining his ex-wife or meeting new women and ended up comparing them with his ex and thinking these women are just not her??

    Liked by 2 people

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