There’s something to be said about the way we are brought up
When visiting America recently I was made brutally aware of the fact that I’ve come to accept Aussie guys and their behaviour as normal. It’s actually often embarrassingly disappointing
I had a beautiful boyfriend when I was younger and he was Californian. We met in Bali when he was surfing around the globe sponsored by companies we all know. A few months later I moved to California. We had the best time. We went to many beautiful places and did many amazing things. This is likely to be how my zest for travel and cultural awareness took hold. That and my love for being in the sun on new beaches around the world as much as possible. I love the waves and the beauty of the coastline. The smell of salt air. Skin glistening in the light and the warmth of the sun heating your whole body. It makes me smile. It excites me. Summer is by far my favourite time of year. You feel alive and full of energy. I love bikini weather and if I could have an endless summer every year that would be the best life ever!
After a while we decided to move to Australia. That’s a long story but let’s just say it ended due to visa issues and our young age being unsettled. Financially it was too difficult and we didn’t want to be told we had to marry in order to be together. We stayed in touch. Bare in mind at that time we had no email! We would call each other and write to each other still. We never fought or had any dislike for each other and vowed if one day we were able to at the right time and the right place then sure but as much as we missed each other, to just try again would only have the same results. At least we were wise in that way.
So one day his new girlfriend answered his phone. I asked to speak to him as I did. He came to the phone after some time and the words he used are forever engraved in my mind. Let’s just say I was to never contact him again. I was shocked. It wasn’t him. He wouldn’t speak like that by choice. As much as it hurt me I respected his wishes and his new girlfriend (the dominating force) and I never contacted him. I was devastated not that I couldn’t but the way it went down. I missed him. I think I have missed him every day of my life since in some way.
You see, I am unusual to most people and we have discussed this in here before. Even though I’m not romantically connected to someone anymore, I can still care for them, even still love them. Being able to separate emotion is something I do easily. The word love covers many meanings. It’s very different to being IN love.
I missed knowing how his life turned out. Knowing if he was happy. Knowing if he got married and had kids. He wanted kids and loved his sisters’ children when I knew him. I loved him and wanted everything good in this world for him and hoped he had that. I remembered his birthday every year but never could send a message and say happy birthday. I would think of him and tell him in my thoughts I have memories and they are great but being able to share that friendship still would have been wonderful.
Life moves on.
I recently, one night, did some googling and found him. He doesn’t use FB much. I was so nervous. I saw his name and my heart started racing. I took a screen shot and sent it to my sister who added him straight away!!! OMG why???? OMG OMG
Anyway, we also became Facebook friends and started chatting. He rarely uses FB. We started chatting by text.
I went to Cali a couple of weeks ago and stayed with him. I did an instructor training too and some work with my HOT HULA boss so I did some educational things whilst there too. It was awesome. I had longed to be in the same space as him for so long and it happened.
We are both such different people twenty years on. He is still a beautiful man. He is kind and generous. Extremely loving and honest. He is fun and makes everyone laugh. He still surfs and is well known in the surf industry for his work with broadcasting and the WSL. He lives in Newport Beach surrounded by equally as lovely people. It’s like Melrose Place!
If the front door is open anyone can drop in. The “anyones” could easily be in a fireman calendar. There are fireman and they are all tall, chiseled surfers with beautiful teeth and smiles and are seriously some of THE nicest people ever!!! They are warm and friendly and make you feel like you have been friends forever. I was part of the crew instantly. We had BBQs that the men cooked and cleaned up after. They would offer to take me places, invited me if they were going somewhere, included me in conversation. Typical ‘good people’ behaviour.
Was he single? I know you all want to know.
Well yes actually. After being in a relationship for six years way too long (with the controlling girlfriend) he met his best friend and was married to her for ten years. Unfortunately they broke up after some pain to his heart and even though she did him wrong on more than one occasion, he still has love for her and wants the best for her. He has been single for a year now. He still believes in love and wants to find it.
He told me he has always loved me and loves others still, whom he loved before too. He is a caring person who doesn’t hold grudges and doesn’t feel resentment. He didn’t remember the phone call until I reminded him and he said ‘OMG yes, she made me say that. Thank you for respecting that’
So I was in California with him for a week. Yep I slept in his bed. It made more sense than the couch. It wasn’t weird at all. Although it was a long time ago, it’s not like we hadn’t done it before! There was nothing sinister about it though. No romance. Just respectful and caring. It wasn’t awkward. We hung out. I did my thing and he did his. He works from home and the surf is across the road. If he isn’t working he is surfing. I would be doing my thing at the beach and jump when a wet, wet shirt was dropped on my belly. Suddenly it was life repeating itself and it was so nice to be there with him. Like old times, the bikini chick on the beach as the boys were out surfing.
We would ride bikes to the pier for lunch. Oh and I had a salad there that I would fly back there just to eat again. It was full of yumminess.
He picked me up from classes I attended and dropped me places never forgeting to what I mentioned I was wanting to do. I’m quite used to looking after myself and could grab an uber anywhere but that’s not his style.
He sent me to the mall On afternoon.
We then went to the movies. Now let me explain this to you. Never at any point were we romantically connected. The whole time was beautifully friendly. Old friends who care and are excited to see each other. Total mutual respect. I have new boobs since then so of course I let him check them out. Haha …That was only fair. 😳😳
He doesn’t like the cinema.
I’m quite sure the mall isn’t his favourite place. He doesn’t eat out a lot. He heard me talking with his friend about the new Bourne movie (I love action movies).
So I get back from the beach and he says ‘What are your plans this afternoon?’
I said I didn’t really have any
He had thought it through
‘How about this… I send you up to Fashion Island for a while cause it’s the place all the girls love to shop. Then maybe at 5.30pm I meet you and we do have early dinner at The Cheesecake Factory (✔️ he knows I love that place).
Then I thought we could go see the Bourne movie it’s on at 6.30pm
(✔️ Already looked it up)
So this is a guy … No a MAN …
Who isn’t even trying to date me or impress me.
A man who is just thoughtful and takes the lead. He used his uber account which for those not ‘uber educated’ it means he paid for it.
He met me on time.
He paid for dinner. We had such a fantastic conversation about life!
He opened my car door. Without fail, every car trip, he opened my door for me. That’s just what ‘they’ do.
We went to the movies and after some discussion he allowed me to buy the tickets … Whilst he snuck to get the snacks. Awesome movie by the way! He loves movies but not the cinema so he did that for me too. It was such a lovely night.
Everytime I went to a car with a male or walked through a door, they open it and wait for you. It is absolutely Ladies First. It is just how they are brought up. They pay for dinner too. As much as I argue that’s what they do and wouldn’t have it any other way. If their mum found out they didn’t, there would be a clip over their ear and a stern talking to because they were brought up ‘better than that’. They respect women and it ouzes out of them. It’s not fake. It’s just how they are.
Now I had Tinder switched on over there. Out of respect for him I would not have gone on a date with anyone whilst staying at his place. I’m sure he would have encouraged it but that’s just disrespectful on my part to do such as thing. I was interested to see the men there though and OMG… Quality!!!
The amount of effort they put into their profiles is worthy of applause. They have clear photos without tigers and not wearing sunglasses! They have a head shot smiling. Maybe a body shot … Not almost naked. They are really trying to meet someone and doing it tastefully and respectfully. I’m sure some are all about the hook up too but the difference between Californian profiles and Aussie profiles is astounding. Even when you match they actually initiate conversation. The conversation is intelligent and not dirty. They use full words not text words I struggle to decipher. Oh and yes, the majority are absolutely gorgeous!!!
Which way should I swipe????
I was walking his gorgeous dog to the pier one late afternoon. I had been out and about and when I got back his good friend was there and they were having a beer and chatting. I knew who she was as he had mentioned her a few times. (Not that it matters but they are plutonic friends). He thinks very highly of her and she instantly hugged me. Such a warm soul she has!
i thought I should give them some time so off ‘Jackie’ (the 11 year old Jack Russell) and I went. Not long into our walk, a black convertible Porche slowed down and the gentleman inside it, paid us a compliment saying ‘You two are just adorable’.
He had seen us walk by and because it is a one way street he needed to do a loop to catch us. Anyway, he was so lovely. He had a chat and then asked did I have plans later. I politely said I did and then mentioned the traffic jam he had started behind him might need to start moving! I thanked him for his compliments and off we went again.
The next day I went for a walk to the grocery store. Whilst walking along the shop fronts a man getting out of his car to visit the barber shop stopped and told me how lovely I looked in my ‘Romper’. For those not sure what that is, I was wearing a jumpsuit or a onesie / halter neck all in one shorts set. He was up for a chat but I didn’t want to be rude so I thanked him for his kind words and went on my way smiling.
There were some other moments with men like this. Some friendly and some flirtatious. None of them …. NONE were offensive. Never were they disrespectful. Not once did thy resort to sleaziness. Nothing distasteful at all. The men were confident. They were assertive. They were polite and complimentary. They noticed something they liked and respectfully went after it. They were attractive. They took care of themselves. They spoke well and just did it all right. I must add too, that the women in this area were really friendly too. Everyone smiles.
My experiences in Australia are mostly far from this. On Saturday night it was my good friend’s birthday celebration and we went to one of the bars thought of as being more ‘classy’ in the city. It was a bit cool so I wore pants instead of a dress. I was walking to my car after and a man on the street with glazed over drunk eyes said ‘Woar…. Smokin hot’
Now some may be flattered by this. I just rolled my eyes. If that’s the best you can come up with then I think I’ll move to California!
In all seriousness though, being in Cali did get me thinking about where I am at with men and dating. It showed me that I’ve come to accept that this is just how it is. It’s not what I want. I want a man who wants me and makes the effort to show me that. I’m done with being the equal and taking the first steps. I’ll be your equal but first, show me that you are the man. Get out your caveman club and use your hunting skills to lure me into your cave. In there you will nurture and protect me. You will take care of me the way a girl deserves.
In return I will grow to love you. I will adore you and loyally do all that you want. I will aim to please you and take care of you with the same love in which you do for me. The main difference between me and a cavegirl is possibly the hygiene … I promise to shower and shave!!!
Time to lift your game Aussie men!
Show me I am wrong … This is a challenge to you and I’m all for being proven wrong by the right guy.