Getting fobbed off


Last time you heard from me I’d deleted my dating apps. Tinder, gone. Match, gone. Inner Circle, gone. Bumble, gone. Before I deleted Match there was one guy I was interested in and had exchanged one or two messages with. So, I left him my number, explained I was deleting the app and said get in touch if you want.

Before I deleted Match there was one guy I was interested in and had exchanged one or two messages with. So, I left him my number, explained I was deleting the app and said get in touch if you want.

(I’d also been chatting with an Aussie guy on Tinder… more about him later.)

About 3 weeks later a text arrived from M. We exchanged a couple of texts before he asked me if I was around the following weekend to meet up.

As it happened I’d just cancelled something I had planned for that weekend, so I was available and he asked for my Saturday evening.

Interesting. Guys don’t normally give their Saturday evenings out lightly.

M: “Do you drink?”

Me: “I do…”

M: “Do you have to work Sunday?”

Me: “Are you planning on getting me completely trashed?!”

It had been a gorgeous sunny day but was a little cooler in the evening breeze. I made an effort but was wearing a simple outfit: dark jeans and a light top with heels. As I walked to Putney Bridge to meet M, I did a quick video catch up with Cass explaining I knew pretty much nothing about him except he is 29 – my little brother’s age – is a 6 foot 2 optometrist and lives just across the bridge from me.

That’s it. We hadn’t spoken on the phone and had sent only a couple of texts to arrange the date. Given how often people cancel arrangements I had taken the plans with a pinch of salt thinking he may text to cancel at any time… but he didn’t.

I was excited but also a little nervous as I headed to our meeting place wondering where exactly we would actually meet and if we would recognise each other – always a danger when ‘meeting’ online! Will he be 4 feet tall? Will he have crazy facial hair? Will he be dressed like a tramp…? What is my plan for getting out of this without just have that shocked expression, turning and running away screaming, arms flailing…!

At 8 o’clock on the dot he called me. “Hey Naomi! It’s M.” After the quick “how are yous?” I added, “I’m walking down, probably about 5 minutes away.” He replied, “Great, see you soon!”

Either he was there and waiting or he was also running a little late, but it was thoughtful of him to call me so I wouldn’t have been there standing around on a street corner or thinking I’d been stood up!

I reached the bridge and looked around. I couldn’t see anyone resembling him so I made my way across the bridge looking out at the beautiful views across the river Thames. I find the river so invigorating, but calming at the same time. It’s where I go to reflect and recharge.

Just as I got to the south side of the river M called me again. He’d walked over to my side and we must have crossed over!

Maybe he doesn’t look anything like his photos, given that we must have walked straight past each other and not noticed. Oh, but that also means that I don’t look like mine…

He walked back over to me and I waited trying to look as nonchalant as possible.

As he walked up to me, beaming smile on his face, he told me how amazing I looked. Good start 😉

He looked good too, although I questioned why he was wearing a sweater in that heat…and he laughed nervously and said he thought the same thing. Even though he wasn’t wearing anything under it, he said he’d still give it me if I got cold! Ha!

We went to a riverside bar and got a drink. Anyone who takes me to the river automatically gets points. We managed to find a cosy table and sat back next to each other on the cushions.

Fairly relaxed chat although he would kind of freak out at questions. At one point I even found myself saying ‘Just say what you think or what it is, without wondering if I’m going to like the answer because if I like it then it means I like the real you, and if I like something you tell me that’s not true, then that would be a bit crappy’… or something along those lines.

I don’t know why but I felt really ‘old’ with him. There are younger guys I’ve been out with and felt just the same, normal. But this was weird, like I was having to teach him about life. He was cute, shy, nervous… But that’s not really what I’m looking for.

Cass sent me a video of herself in Cali and since M had gone to get another drink, I was watching it. As he came back he caught the end of it and she was asking me to send a video.

So I did and then… he tried to kiss me on it. He actually half stood up and did a sideways swoop to dive in… I’m like whoaw!

The bar was closing and he asked what I’d like to do, to which I replied ‘go to bed’ without even thinking twice. I said he could walk me across the bridge if he wanted to.

We walked across still chatting, and he held me. He has a good, strong body which I could feel supporting me – I love that. I turned to him to say goodbye and then came the most awkward thing I’ve been asked…

“uh, so… do you… like…. have coffee at your place or something..?

I couldn’t help myself. I just burst out laughing. “Actually, I do have coffee but you’re not coming to have any tonight.”

But I did say I’d like to see him again. I wanted to see if the shyness was him, or a first date thing.

We arranged for Sunday… Saturday came…

“Hey Max, just checking in for tomorrow…?”

“Defo up for tomorrow. Is the evening good for you?”

Sunday came. Sunday went.

“What’s the story Max? Hope everything is ok…?”

Now, I know emergencies come up and I would never assume that someone has just stood me up just in case. I’ll also never let someone get off lightly but just leaving it. They need to explain and apologise for wasting my time.

“I’m so sorry. I’m such an idiot! Thought we arranged for Monday for some reason.”

He never got a reply from me. He was ‘fobbing me off’ as my dear mother would say…


Still searching…

SingleNaomi x


2 thoughts on “Getting fobbed off

  1. mashimaro

    defo just wanted a one night stand. D!ck. boys, so immature.
    im sure he managed to hook a fish up that night, blood supply was in short supply in the brain,


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