I’m busy too!

Standard

London men: arrogant, insecure and unbelievably busy.

Gross generalisation? I’m not so sure. Ok, maybe.

It’s London and the vast majority of people here are working on their career. They came to the big city to get ahead, make money, build a career. And yes, we’re busy. We’re all so crazily busy.

It all comes down to priorities and it seems that the London man (and woman?)  is not at all interested in building relationships…at least not a lasting one with a female.

They’re interested in getting laid in the cheapest and quickest way possible. So if you don’t live within 30 mins journey time (actually it’s probably more like 15) then you’re out. No one can be bothered. Unless of course as the woman you are happy to go to them.

What happened to chivalry? What happened to a man courting a woman? Trying to win her?

I don’t just blame men. There must be so many of us women who are only too happy to run around after men that they can afford to have become so arrogant and actually just plain rude.

The Lion is 27. He ‘super liked’ me on Tinder. I looked at his photos and instinctively went to swipe left. Then the two short sentences written below caught my attention:

Passionate, very ambitious, fun loving and old fashioned gent. Life’s one massive adventure! 

My eyes flicked up ‘Managing director at The Albero’.*

I looked up the company and I was swayed: He clearly has a head on his shoulders.

Hmmm…perhaps I should broaden my physical requirements.

I swiped right.

He wrote to me immediately. We just clicked. That same evening he asked for my number and then next day he called me. We talked on the phone for two hours.

I have to admit, I did start to get excited. Not only did he pick up a phone and call me – instead of the seemingly endless Whatsapp messaging that is prolific – he spoke with me on the phone all evening and actually wanted to continue the conversation.

And then the thought came: I knew, as soon as I start to get excited something goes wrong. Cass get’s this same feeling and we’d recently talked about it when she’d met one of her most recent dates who seemed so great… oh dear.

The Lion was continually in touch by text and then later that week spoke again on the phone with a lengthy, fun and interesting conversation. I was really excited to meet him the following Tuesday.

He lives in north London – zone 5. I lived west London zone 3 at the time. His office is in Shoreditch – again, miles away.

But Tuesdays I don’t generally teach in the evening except sometimes salsa in Moorgate. The following Tuesday I had a meeting in Old Street and we arranged to meet after that.

As I arrived at the pub I was apprehensive wondering if it would be the same as always – when you get on with them so well on the phone, meet and there’s nothing there…bleh

I walked towards the entrance and there was this tall, handsome man wearing a suit and as I recognised him, in my head I went ‘yes!’ *fist pump*. Cue beaming smile.
We had such a fun time. A couple of drinks. Then we went to a Vietnamese place for dinner. Then to this hidden away bar with the weirdest selection of boudoir furniture and drapes from the ceiling.

By that time – very late – we’d spent about 5 hours together and were giddy and all over each other. Result!

The next time we met was after one of my salsa classes – again, his side of Town. I texted him between classes and he said yes, let’s meet, he was working late. He asked if I’d eaten. No.

We met at the Tramshed. It’s expensive. I was waiting at the bar being chatted up by one of the female barmaids. He called me as he was leaving the office talking with me all the way till he reached the restaurant. Her face when he walked in.

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He’s so charismatic. The kind of guy who everyone notices when he walks in the room. He kissed me and sat down. Our eyes didn’t leave each other from the moment he walked in.

Another incredible night was had. He asked if I was doing anything Sunday. Could we meet up and go to the boat race together? And that it would turn into an evening out and probably Monday together too given it was a bank holiday.

I’m not going to lie. I was really looking forward to it. We didn’t talk too much the rest of that week. We were both busy. That’s ok.

Sunday morning arrived and I hadn’t heard anything. I asked him where he wanted to meet or if something had come up. Later that evening he texted me to say he’d been in hospital with his mum all day and he’d call tomorrow to explain.

He didn’t call. He texted me and told me what had happened. Said we’d try to arrange something that week.

Less and less contact. In the end I took control and said looks like you’ve lost interest, that’s ok. Would have preferred you to just say. I wish you well.

Then came the agreement that yes we were good but wrong time. He was just too busy. He said he wasn’t managing his time well enough with work and friends at the moment and he needed to work on sorting that out.

So I deleted his number to prevent myself from contacting him because I know he would have taken the opportunity but it wasn’t going anywhere. It wasn’t his priority right now.

 

Maybe you’re wondering what happened to the Milkybar Kid. At 37 you’d think he’d be ready to make finding someone a priority right? No. Work. Golf. Stag dos.

We did try to meet up. Occasionally I’d ask and occasionally he would. But we could never make it quite work.

I was at least happy that a man had finally shown some respect and told me. His message out of the blue one day read:

Sorry I’ve not been in touch, just too busy. This isn’t really going to work and isn’t fair on you. I’ve got a mega couple of months coming up with work and I’m away pretty much every other weekend now for weddings and stag dos, then I shall be working the ones when I’m in London. 

Moving on.

 

The Canadian – 29 – was the last straw.

Again, not the type of guy I would normally go for so I wasn’t particularly bothered. Suit. Sales. North London. As it turns out, as full of sh*t as the next guy!

The Canadian was sooo into me. He wanted to talk on the phone. Points won for a good start. Then he FaceTimed me! Woah, I was not ready for that laying in bed with not a lot on… We had a quick chat.

Messages were exchanged and FaceTime calls made over the next couple of weeks as we attempted to find a time when we could meet up. He had a friend visiting and was quite tied up. Golf at the weekend – which I imagined was with his friend. But apparently no, he’d left his friend on his own for pretty much the whole day, and you can’t meet me for a couple of hours…? Alarm bells.

I suggested we leave it since it seemed so difficult to find a time we could both do – bloody life of a fitness instructor working when all the ‘normal’ people are not! But he insisted he really wanted to meet me.

So we settled on a Monday lunchtime.

Sunday night FaceTime and Mr Canada says ‘If we can meet near my office we can grab a quick bite’.

I’m sorry, you what?! You want me to travel 50 mins there and then 50 mins back again for a ‘quick bite’. I don’t think so.

I told him. No.

Again, he insisted he really wanted to meet me… but, and get this: “I need someone who can understand how busy my schedule is”.

Are you kidding me?! What a self-absorbed, arrogant prick.

I explained calmly that I am also busy, whilst I may not have a job with ‘regular hours’. I told him that I was fed up of guys thinking that I have to fit around their busy schedule with no regard for my own. I value my time and my attention and I give it where I want to, where I feel it’s appreciated and it’s worthwhile. This doesn’t sit right with me.

The message was quite a lot longer than that but you get the gist.

He replied ‘I totally understand. I think we should meet and see how it goes.’ Apparently It was unfair of him to short change me on time and was I free to meet Saturday afternoon? I’m sorry, am I supposed to be bowing at your feet?! Who the hell is this guy!

I said I’d think about it.

I did think about it. I thought maybe I was being too pissy because of other “I’m too busy stories.” So later I agreed. What’s the harm in meeting and seeing what happens.

We stayed in touch all week and I flew off last minute to Romania Thursday-Saturday morning. When I landed Saturday I turned on my phone to read:

“Hey are you back? I have food poisoning. I’ve been sick all night.”

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via GIPHY

Ugh.

My reply: “Look after yourself Sean”.

He tried to give me some more BS later but I said enough. Number blocked.

I deleted all my dating apps following this.

What on earth will happen next…

 

*Name changed for protection of the Lion’s identity

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8 thoughts on “I’m busy too!

  1. Mashimaro

    That’s the effect of living in London. Everyone condenses everything into as compact as possible to save time, including dating and getting to know each other. Work-life balance is probably the greatest obstacle being in london, this is definitely the side-effect of being in the rat race.

    As I read now I really thought you have finally found the one in Mr Lion, as he seems to have the perfect package. However, I felt as you both got some excited and almost didnt take much of a break and chatted daily and chatted a lot . This works out for some and doesnt for some. I couldnt help but think had this gone in a slower pace, you both took a bit more time to get to know each other, allowing each other to be emotionally, friendship-ly, and romantically invested in each other, to map out to how fit and slot into each other’s busy schedules….this might have gone differently.

    It is really very difficult, I know most people prefer conversation rather than message tennis, but I guess with both if struck a balance, it should be acceptable.

    It’s a real pity, all those seemingly great guys and I think they know they are, and they know they have lots of options available, so ultimately, playing the field and stretch themselves too thin.

    The arrogant of these men tho, to think that their business / work is more important/serious over someone else’s is surreal. It really showed if you are really that successful, you totally have the power and in control to spare a couple hours away from work and re-juggle your schedule to fit into an evening date or lunch date with a nice girl.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your thoughts. Yes slower maybe better. But I also find that if it’s slow people get distracted and lose interest as well (Again maybe that’s London and the vast amount of choice available!) The Lion is in fact a great guy but it was just bad timing.
      And yes I agree – the Canadian is in fact director of sales for the company he works for so he’s in charge … Anyway it’s all good, just means they are not the ones for me 😉

      Like

      • mashimaro

        Reading all these, its actually kind of intimitating to follow these guys….

        They have all got some amazingly great parts, and timing might not be the greatest but without a doubt they are all top bachelors in their own rights.

        tough act to follow….

        Like

  2. between2lakes

    Clearly men in general are lacking.

    Maybe if you and your friend dated one guy at the same time he’d be forced or at least power fully motivated to evolve to the next level.

    Like

      • between2lakes

        That’s more of an opportunity than a problem.

        You could base yourself in Singapore (in between both and is essentially the London of Asia) then live in London during the UK summer and Australia during the Australian summer.

        Like

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