Back in London and Naomi’s testing out tall vs short…
It didn’t happen on purpose: what I mean is, I didn’t purposely look for a short guy and a tall guy to date in one week. It just happened!
Most people mention on their dating profile how tall they are. But when a guy doesn’t you kind of assume he must be below average to short. It’s not always true but some careful detective work will reveal all, especially if they are standing next to other people in their photos or next to things that you know the size of – a doorway, car etc… you get the idea.
Recently I went on a date with a short guy (literally the same height as me) and a super tall guy, who at 6’4″ towered over me! Actually I went to the same pub with both of them – one on Tuesday lunch time and the other on a Thursday evening which was a last minute arrangement since he was ‘passing through’ where I live.
Both men well educated and with good careers.
Mr Short was chatty, confident – although he later told me he’d been nervous, can’t think why..?! – and a gentleman. We joked around a bit. I didn’t feel any instant attraction or chemistry if I’m honest but conversation was really good.
The height isn’t an issue in itself, but as a woman I like to have a guy who is taller and bigger than me. It makes me feel protected, safe and dainty (if that’s possible!)
My ex husband was below average height and although taller than me I remember (with pain) getting rid of a bunch of beautiful heels because they all made me taller than him. I didn’t want to be looking down to him and I know he wouldn’t have liked that at all.
Previously I’ve asked guys who haven’t specified on their profile their height, but only if we were arranging to meet and I wanted to be sure to wear an appropriate height heel. Some didn’t understand that – why would they, they’re men and probably not thinking about the show situation – and almost took offence. “Oh, you’re height-ist!”
Uh no, I just want to make sure I get my outfit right, you don’t feel emasculated walking around with a giant and I don’t feel like a complete idiot for turning up with heels on that make me feel like I’ve made a terrible mistake!
If I’d shown up to the date with Mr Short donning the 6 inch heels I’d worn to meet Mr Tall that would have been ridiculous! I didn’t actually ask him his height as I could tell from the pics he was quite short so I made sure to wear flats and thank goodness I did: he was literally the same height as me!
What made me feel more uncomfortable was that he was also quite slight. I’m by no means ‘big’ but I do have some meat on me! I don’t want to feel like a whale next to a man. What woman does?!
But, everyone deserves a second date (unless of course they don’t…!)
I didn’t have to wait long for Mr Short to ask me out again. I did find the incessant sending of selfies a bit much though.
Mr Tall had been in touch on Inner Circle while he was on holiday in Disney Land with his family a few weeks ago… Read what you want into that. I wasn’t sure about him to be honest but I’m trying to be more open minded and not just go for guys who I feel an instant physical attraction to.
He had texted me Thursday morning saying he’d be passing through where I live that evening and did I want to meet up. Normally I would have been teaching but that was the morning I’d had a small procedure in hospital and wasn’t able to teach so I said yes I could meet him.
The pub is about 10 minutes walk from my house and it was a pleasant evening so I made my way through the park and along the Grove until I reached the pub on time. He was late. Not a massive fan of guys being late especially when they don’t tell you. It was busy but I got myself a drink and managed to find a table. I’d texted him to ask if he wanted me to get him one but no answer and I wasn’t about to guess.
It didn’t take him too long to arrive, he got himself and drink and joined me.
We chatted pretty easily – it would be hard not to when you first meet someone after all you don’t know them at all so there’s plenty to ask and find out about. It didn’t take him long to ask me about whether I wanted to get married again. I’ve always thought this was not the done thing, bringing up marriage and kids in a first conversation. Isn’t that what men say about ‘crazy’ women..?
I’m not the kind of woman who is desperate to get married and have kids. As you know, I’ve been married before (It was the best day of my life. Ever.) but I’m in no rush to get married again. Some women really want to have children: they have a deep desire to be mothers and that is wonderful. I’m not one of those women.
I’m open to having children (although if you know me you’ll be wondering how on earth I wouldn’t pass out / actually die during childbirth…!) but it’s not a priority in my life. I think I’m a bit selfish… I’m a feeling person, and if I was with someone and we were in a loving relationship and we both felt we wanted at that time to have children then I would. But not just to have kids and tick a box or feel like I have made it as a woman because I have children.
I responded to Mr Tall’s question about marriage and swiftly started talking about something else to change the subject. His face dropped.
I said: ‘I feel like you’re judging me.’
Mr Tall explained that his expression was often mistaken for being serious or judgemental but in reality he was just thinking about something I’d said before. I asked what it was and he went on to say it was about me not particularly wanting to get married again.
Bit dramatic! Come on, we only met about an hour ago!
This is the trouble with online dating: it all gets rushed and weird. Meeting someone naturally the relationship evolves in an organic way. When you meet someone online it’s all or nothing right now. It’s weird and when you’re not interested or they’re not it feels like you’ve just wasted your time.
Mr Tall had driven and asked if we could jump in his car, go back to his area of London and hang out more so he could have another drink or two. In my head I thought: ‘You selfish p*ick. I’ve had an op this morning and you want me to come your way, drink and then you either hope you can get me in bed – not gonna happen – or I’ll be left to find my own way home!’
What I actually said: “I’d rather stay here if that’s ok with you given that I’ve had this op this morning and would like to stay close to home.”
He seemed disappointed. Ugh you are so not the man for me.
We had another drink and then he left and I went to join friends in another bar nearby.
Saturday night I got a text: “No word from you. Assume no spark and you didn’t fancy the slower ‘getting to know you’?! All the best.”
Seriously?! I just replied: “Why did you assume that?”
Ok, so I wasn’t interested and he had correctly assumed. But why assume because I hadn’t been in touch? It wasn’t like he’d taken me on some extraordinary date that prompted me to want to be in touch and thank him or say I had a great time. I was trying to make a point that he was being ridiculous.
He didn’t reply. Sunday afternoon: “Ok. How active do you think you can be now? Plans for this evening? Got something potentially amazingly fun for you!”
He wanted me to go trampolining…
Trying hard. Not attentive to the other person. Has issues. Not for me.
We haven’t spoken again.
I saw Mr Short once more for lunch. He’s so full of energy I can’t cope – one of those people who talks and talks but I’m not sure how much they actually take in about the other person. He would definitely start to p*ss me off if we were in any kind of relationship.
So, height doesn’t really come into it. We all have issues, quirks, good qualities and irritating ones… we just try to find someone who we ‘fit’ with. On with the search!
Update since I wrote this: Mr Tall texted today asking if I wanted to go to Wimbledon with him tomorrow. Haven’t spoken for weeks!
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