The Safe Choice

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A while ago I was sitting with my parents back home telling them about the latest relationship disaster. My dad actually sat there and said “Naomi, next time before you go out with someone please can you check with me first.”

He was being serious.

I haven’t made the best choices especially in their eyes (except my ex husband who my parents still keep in touch with).

My mum told me to make a safe choice: “Don’t go for the exciting ones. Just look at what I’ve been through with your dad.” My parents are still together which I always think is a miracle – not just my parents but in general when people manage to stay together for a long time..! They just celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary…which actually means that in a couple of weeks I’ll be turning 34. Yikes.

The Milkybar Kid is, I think, a safe choice. He owns two gastro pubs in London – one of which is award-winning. Fun fact: He takes a bowl of salad to work with him. Why?!

I don’t look at him and think Phwoah! I want to jump on you right now. 

I feel like that’s wrong.

But I’ve not been making good choices so far, so I’m going to go with this difference and be open to whatever happens.

Last time you heard we’d just had dinner together and he’d gone in for the kiss. Good ones at that. The ones that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. The non-apologetic grab-and-pull-you-close-to-me type. He kind of surprised me… in a very good way!

When we walked out to the car and he got a hold of me I thought he was going to slam me on the car bonnet… fantasy land reigns in my head!

At dinner he’d told me he was going to an antiques market Tuesday morning and with our evenings being quite difficult to coordinate, what with me teaching classes and him dealing with the two pubs, I suggested I could go with him. Nothing more was said.

Monday morning text: “So how do you want to do this? Your place is a bit out of the way for me to pick you up in the morning. I can meet you there directly or you’re welcome to come stay at mine tonight and I can drop you home afterwards on my way to the pub.”

I’m so glad it was a text rather than a phone call so the dilemma that ensued could happen relatively out of his sight.

It wasn’t like we could spend the evening together: I was teaching that night and wouldn’t have been able to get to his until 11pm at the earliest.

My sister immediately got a text asking for advice – she’s currently traveling in India and regularly gets an audio diary from me in the form of a voice note on Whatsapp. We’d recently been discussing how long you should wait to ‘sleepover’.

There were a few choices:

  1. Say I’d meet him there in the morning. Downsides being that we’d miss out on half the time to spend together by traveling separately. Are they the quiet, we don’t say a word to each other in the car type? Radio-listener? The non-stop chatterbox (ok, I knew he wasn’t this one already). But there is a chance to get into a good conversation on car journeys. Risk him thinking you just want to be mates.
  2. Stay at his and insist on sleeping on the sofa. Bit weird. Is an option.
  3. Stay and his and go with the flow. Don’t walk in and jump on him but maybe don’t hold my hand up in his face and refute intimacy either.

 

I met my friend Jen* for lunch that day and she told me how she had got with her now husband: A story which I love!

They worked in the same company and Jen thought he was out of bounds: partner and a daughter. They grabbed a drink one evening and talking he made it quite clear he was into someone at the office. She was a bit thrown by this convinced he was taken. But he cleared that up saying that the relationship had broken down but yes, they did have a daughter together so the mother would be in his life to some extent but not as his partner.

In her innocence she then got excited about who exactly it was in the office he had been taken by and insisted he tell her.

“Really Jen?!” He couldn’t believe she hadn’t caught on!

Now, you should know, Jen is beautiful – one of the most naturally stunning women I know and we just ‘get’ each other instantly. We grew up together and although lost touch a little when I lived out of the country, we’ve always kept our friendship alive. She’s confident in what she likes, thinks and does. She is one of those people who has her own opinion on what is the thing to do and how not to treat people. And I LOVE that about her.

So anyway, of course he told her “It’s YOU!”

Back in the office he’d mentioned needing to re-decorate and she offered her painting services. So that weekend off she went to his place, ended up staying over, and – this is the best bit of the whole story – she took some spare knickers and toiletries with her and turning to him said, “You don’t mind if I take a small part of your top drawer do you? I mean I’m going to be coming back, right?”

Just brilliant!

Now I didn’t pack extra things to leave at his place, but you guessed right, I did stay with the Milkybar Kid that night.

Quite unusual for a guy in London to own his own 2 bedroom apartment without anyone else renting the spare room.

No, I didn’t use the spare room. Nor the sofa. Judge me if you will…!

I was pleasantly surprised to discover he didn’t have a small penis – the bane of women’s lives everywhere (gigantic penis being the another!) – unlike the other ‘strawberry blond’ man (aka the Lion) I met a few months ago, who I will tell you about another day.

A good size. That’s what you want. And someone who knows what he’s doing with it. Not trying to bash you into next week with no regard for the fact that he’s probably bruising you somehow in the process. And no, when I am in control don’t try to take over with your weird pelvic movements that totally ruin the moment.

Sorry, went off on a tangent there…and that’s probably enough on a post in which I started out by talking about my parents…

 

So, recap:

Stayed over ✔︎

Stole part of the top drawer ✗

 

Naturally the wake-up the next day wasn’t quite as early as we’d planned…actually I should say the wake-up was the right time but getting out of bed was not.

This meant we spent a bit longer than necessary in the car due to hitting rush-hour traffic. So I got to know a bit more about the Milkybar Kid.

 

Suffers from road rage ✗

Likes to challenge himself to find the quickest route possible ✔︎

Did we get there any quicker? I’m not so sure…

 

Radio listener? Yes. It reminded me of being in the car with my dad when I was a child. He did turn it down to pretty much off when we got underway though so we could actually interact which scored him points.

He’s not the most talkative person. He’s interested but he’s preoccupied – at least that’s what I’ve understood so far. It’s very familiar to me for those who run their own businesses. He was also driving and trying to navigate his way around the traffic so I get it. I just tried to ask lots of different questions. He answered but he’s not great at continuing a conversation or moving onto another topic.

He was away on holiday for a week after that and we managed to see each other again Tuesday. He picked me up from Northcote Records after he finished work and I was…well, let me just say he walked in to find me being flung around by one of my mates dancing around to ‘You ain’t nothing but a hound dog’… a little bit tipsy (otherwise known as drunk). Not normal Tuesday night behaviour for me but it happened, so yeah (photographic evidence above).

We have a good time together but it’s not extraordinary.

I just want to find a man who’s attractive, got a great smile, great eyes, amazing arms, is bigger than me, affectionate but will get a bit crazy in bed, is charismatic, interesting to talk to, has an opinion, is passionate about at least one thing, can fix stuff (or organise for someone to do it), has a job he’s excited about, lives (fairly) close to me, wants to spend time with me, is not a whinging child and who excites me… too much to ask? Apparently…!

Should I be waiting for the ‘extraordinary’ or has that ship sailed as they say?

To be utterly honest I envisage a life with the Milkybar Kid being moments of greatness, followed by periods of loneliness as the partner/wife of a businessman who is always preoccupied about something else and has little time or brain-space to have conversations.

But of course I might be completely wrong. More time is needed. At least he isn’t hassling me all day with a barrage of texts and phone calls, but still shows interest with his “When are you not working next?” text. He wants to see me and I want to see him. But I’m not going to stop seeing or talking to anyone else at this point.

I am of course breaking the Millionaire Matchmaker’s rule…!

 

SingleNaomi x

 

Your thoughts are invited 🙂 No judgement here. We’re in a safe place called the internet … hehe! No, seriously, we’d LOVE to hear your thoughts, YOUR stories, YOUR experiences and YOUR advice. Comment below or you could even email your story to us: 2singlegirlsdating@gmail.com

*Not her real name

 

 

 

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11 thoughts on “The Safe Choice

  1. Mariaaaaa

    Hi Naomi,

    like you said maybe more time is needed. I wonder if he thinks the same about your relationship (although we mostly know that this is just what we women would like to think, but never happens, men don’t think the same as us…, but we would like them too, but that’s not the answer! )
    Maybe he’s playing safe and waiting to see how things develop. Hopefully no a boring wait.
    Are you friends on facebook? better not, yet, unless you want him to read your blog.
    Either way, it’s exciting meeting new people, for me… 😉

    Like

  2. Marie

    I repeat, LOVE your blog. You are a very engaging writer. Actually made me think no better way to really know how a person is than taking a long car ride with them. It is like taking a 3hr car trip with a good friend and when you arrive at your destination, your conversation is still not over. That would be the ideal scenario with a guy.
    I think with your guy it is early days to know if this is going to go the distance. However if already it does not seem extraordinary and the conversation does not flow so easily, might just be he is the right person for right now. I think you are doing the right thing keeping your options open.
    If I am honest, the man of my dreams would make my stomach go all funny every time I look at him but I realise now that my ideal guy is just a solid, stable, decent human being that you can count on and would make me laugh. If he does not look like Quasimodo that would be one hell of a bonus 🙂
    Side note about your friend taking spare knickers and asking for wardrobe space, she TOTALLY chose the right guy to do that with. A lot of guys would be running for the hills if you even suggested leaving a hairband at their place.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hehe Marie – love the Quasimodo bit – made me laugh out loud! You’re right: is it the ideal we go for? Or is it actually who fits our values most (e.g. makes us feel stable and secure…)

      Like

  3. mashimaro

    Wow, what interesting and eventful few days. Things have developed pretty fast with the Milkybar.

    Just to be clear, i am not judging, I got to say this is a major eye-opener for me, I am probably leaning towards the conservative camp but I have always been told to not to expect anything exciting until after x number of dates and growing up with a lot of women in my life, that has always been the norm for me, and I didnt know anything better and I have somehow always met women sharing the similar “rules”, that is pretty much my default setting, so I never even consider to push or seen to be pressuring the lady.

    So I am actually glad to see that the magic of spontanity worked and from the read of it, enjoyed by both parties. All things considered, it really sounds like you two are a real solid good match.

    Loving Jen’s move, I gotta say, for me, I am one of those people who landed right into the friend-zone more often than not pretty much straight away, when it comes to picking up signal, I am absolutely terrible at it. It is refreshing to see women like Jen, dropping the hint in such a chic fashion.

    Like

  4. CuriousJoe did I mention ‘normal’ anywhere? There is no normal as far as the male anatomy goes. It has to be a penis that fits me well 😉 Ok, so you can work with whatever a guy has but if it’s too small, too long, too HUGE then it’s very difficult to fully enjoy the experience… Too small and you just can’t feel much, or in certain positions it just comes out. Too long and it hurts inside so slamming in is a no no. Too HUGE and it’s probably just not gonna get in there. Oh is that too much information…?!

    Like

    • Curiousjoe

      Haha no not tmi…but a lot of information to be fair to you and rather interesting! I only wondered what constitutes to being a perfect fit for you, so in a way I wondered what your “normal” is when I asked that. But I guess I meant ideal?

      Like

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