Tinder Tactics 

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Back in London and I’m wondering how many of you are familiar with the array of dating apps and website that are out there. If you’re lucky enough to have found your soul mate, or you’re single but not intrigued by the world of online dating you probably don’t know much about how they work.

So let’s start with Tinder. Probably the most notorious dating app out there, where you will find all sorts of people searching for all kinds of relationships ranging from full blown love to men wanting to be a cuckold (look it up).

We’re rewinding to just before Christmas when I was visiting my best friend Steph in Philly.  Steph met her husband Justin at college (university for the Brits reading this) and they’ve been together ever since. It’s been several years now and was before the advent of internet dating and certainly before the rise of dating apps.

Having never experienced it for themselves they grew quite curious to find out more about how it all worked and how people behaved.

I passed my phone to Steph with Tinder open and she started to swipe. “I feel so in control” she exclaimed with a cheeky grin. It’s fun seeing all the potential options and deciding whether to swipe left (no way!)  or right (yes, I’d like to find out more). “Ooh I think you’d like this one” with a swipe right.

Then a first message popped up and Steph almost jumped. “What do I do now?” So I said just reply and see where the conversation goes.

I should make it very clear at this point Steph was being me, she was not a married woman matching with guys on Tinder.

So they start messaging back and forth and Steph would check in with me to confirm how I would say something or spell it in British as opposed to American English.  After about 10 minutes she said “oh no!” And looked sad. I asked what happened. “He unmatched me! I’m terrible at this!” She told me what was said and I reassured her “you’re not terrible. He was just after one thing. You found out and said you weren’t up for it (as me) and he unmatched you. I’d say you passed!”

Justin joined us. Interested in what was happening, now it was his turn. What Justin did next opened my eyes to how a lot of guys use Tinder.

“I’m going to do an experiment and swipe right on everyone and see how many match with you.” 10 right swipes. 10 matches. Ok let’s try some more. We got to 30 and 29 were matches.

Then he made himself a Tinder profile. It pulled up his profile pic from Facebook which was a wedding pic of him and Steph! “You can’t use that Justin!” So he selected another profile photo just of himself. Then he swiped right 10 times. Nothing. 20, 30… No matches. Sad face…

It’s not that I’m particularly amazing,  but I was in a new area, had my phone on but not swiping on Tinder (what’s he point when you live in a different country) so guys were seeing my profile, I was a Brit in the US and I am female!

I also added further to my reasoning on why he had no matches and I had a ton, reminding him that it’s Saturday night and you just joined. How many women are going to be sitting at home and see you instantly to swipe right on?

Justin explained that if he were using Tinder he wouldn’t waste time reading all the profiles and looking through the photos beforehand but would swipe right on everyone and then when he matched with a girl would then look through and decide if he’d want to talk to her or not.

Totally makes sense that guys would do that!

Tinder fuelled our conversation as we were at dinner that evening – see pic above of us not being anti-social friends with our phones out at the table, but rather Steph and Justin seeing if they would come across profiles of people they knew!

Tinder is a bit like a game and people use it for different things:

Some are looking for love – someone I lived with for about a month got married last weekend to a guy she met on Tinder.

Some are looking to meet people with an open mind to seeing what develops (I’m in this camp).

Some are looking simply to get laid.

Others are just looking for an ego boost.

And others… well, you know about Dom and he is on the milder side…

If you’re going to use these apps you have to be ok with rejection. You have to be ok with the fact that you’ll match with people and some of them will never write to you, some will write to you and just ask for sex and some will make an attempt to get you in bed. And as you all know, some will write you kinky stories 😉

There are all sorts of people just as there are in life. You have to be open to that and be able to deal with it. Otherwise dating apps are definitely not the way to go.

SingleNaomi X

 

What’s your strangest / weirdest / funniest Tinder experience?

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4 thoughts on “Tinder Tactics 

  1. I don’t have a Tinder experience – I found my fiance on Match. But being a little older (33) – and this is probably going to date me – it makes me a little sad that guys on Tinder would just judge girls by their appearance. Not at all surprising, just sad. I like that the more traditional online dating sites – Match, eHarmony, etc – at least set the expectation of having a profile to read with interesting questions, rather than relying solely on photos. I know I’m older than the average Tinder user, but since we know that relationships are built on more than looks, that it’s actually not helping someone to go on a date solely based on the hotness factor.

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    • Congratulations on your engagement!
      ‘Older’ at 33!! I’ll be 34 a month from now…don’t consider myself to be ‘older’. There are so many people of all ages on these apps and websites – someone for everyone I think.

      I don’t think it’s just guys. The first impression I have of a guy is what he looks like. But in real life I’m more likely to ‘give them a chance’ because you just happen to meet so it’s not a date. The Milkybar Kid is a classic example of this: I would definitely have swiped left if I’d seen him on Tinder…

      Personally I think looks are important (as in you have to be physically attracted to them) but if there’s no substance behind it then it’s not going anywhere.

      I don’t think there’s any harm in Tinder-ing unless a person is not strong enough to cope with the reality of what it is.

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  2. Marie

    This is so interesting as a singleton who really hates using online dating but has decided to bite the bullet and give it a try (another try!!) because Mr Right is not going to fall into my lap as I have been hoping all this time. I have found match.com slightly soul destroying. Feels like tons of the men on there are just looking for a leg over. Nothing wrong with that if that is what you are looking for. However if you are not, it is such a pain.
    Also the fact I find myself looking at some of these guys photos and recoiling with ‘oh gosh no freeking way’, and knowing they probably do the same with my pic makes me not feel very good. I don’t want to be THAT person who judges people on their looks but I know that there has to be a level of attraction. However I think some of these guys I cast aside, if I met them in real life might have something that makes them attractive to me that a picture might not convey.
    I do think men and women do approach online/internet dating so differently. A lot of guys don’t even bother to fill their profile.
    That is why the thought of using something like Tinder just sends shivers down my spine 🙂

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    • Hehe! Marie, totally get you 😉
      Tinder I think has a bit of a bad wrap… you CAN use it to sex, certainly. But you can also use it to meet great guys.

      Sometimes the restricted profiles – for example on Match where you have to answer specific questions (age, race, eye colour, height, job.. etc. etc.) don’t necessarily give you much of an insight to the person. And we can make judgements based on those answers… whereas on somewhere like Tinder, the pictures and maybe a few lines can be intriguing.

      I can honestly say I’ve met / chatted to some decent guys on Tinder so I wouldn’t rule it out necessarily but I’d just make sure I was going into it with the right head space – if that makes sense.

      Looking forward to hearing more of YOUR stories 😉 xx

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