Never let this post be about my expectations as a woman of being the one who does nothing, expects everything and throws tantrums like a spoilt princess … Not the case
But where have the gentlemen gone? (Side note … I’m generalising guys. This is based on experience of late and yes I know you are still meandering around out there 😘)
When I was younger I didn’t think much of it. I would be fascinated by girls prancing around Westfield putting their items on the counter and walking away as their boyfriend paid the bill. I would find it sweet at times when a girl nervously waited as her date paid for dinner. I would cringe as the high maintenance chick flicked her hair with the known expectation that at no point would she touch her wallet, which was probably good considering her hands were too precious to do a days work to earn her own income.
I watched my mum work and my mum worked hard. I watched my mum as a single girl dating too. I admired her and appreciated her for all the hard work she needed to do to look after us.
I guess this is where I got my work ethic from. From the moment I started work life I never had only one job. I taught dance whilst still in school and had a part time job on weekends.
Years on and I still do the same. I work seven days a week doing three different lines of work. Why? Well why not?
I am not wealthy financially but all I have is my own. Everything I own I paid for myself and everything I am lucky to be able to do is because I work to enable this.
Men online ask the usual questions ‘what do you do?’ I tell them
The common response is ‘sounds like you don’t have time to date’
My response is ‘I’m single’ and ‘you make time for the things that matter’
I am in all honesty, nervous about money. I’ve never had much and I appreciate how hard one works to get it. I worry that I don’t have enough or if something should happen. When it comes down to it, all I have to rely on is me. I have no husband to support any part of my life and I take care of myself.
A number of years ago I grew up!!
I met a wonderful man who thought I was crazy when I asked could I pay for dinner. I remember his confused face. He wouldn’t have it but when I explained it made me uncomfortable, he suggested I get coffee or breakfast sometimes but what he also said was ‘Cass, it isn’t about the money. I’m the man and I enjoy taking care of you that way. I also enjoy that you do all those little things for me, you make me feel cared for and appreciated.’
I like the idea of a man who is a man. A man who feels his role is the old fashioned one of being the provider and the protector, assertiveness is undeniably sexy. He supports me and holds my hand through the scary stuff. He never controls me but he guides me and encourages me to be all I can be. He pushes strength. Yes, it goes both ways when it comes to the female side of it too, but I’m talking about what attracts me to a man.
So let’s skip back to actual dating again since that’s what we are here to discuss.
I go on what I call ‘meetings’ when online dating as we know.
I want the guy who wants to be in charge and feel like he wants to take care of the lady. I don’t expect him to pay my way on everything but I want him to want to be that guy. It’s sexy. It’s masculine. It’s attractive.
Let ‘me give a recent example
Met a guy online and to be honest he was at the very young age limit I have in my search selection. We did the usual chatting eventually talking on the phone and he seems a bit more mature when speaking direct and we had good conversation so we planned a ‘meeting’
He came to my apartment building where I met him downstairs and we went for a walk along the river. He wasn’t really my ‘type’ but wasn’t unattractive. I had no instant attraction or chemistry but I am learning to be more open minded. I did however describe him to a friend as Vanilla Ice. (The hair)
It was a lazy weekend as it was a long weekend and kind of quiet around the streets. He asked was I hungry and I actually was so I said sure… Let’s go eat… Actually … How about sushi then a movie as I had decided earlier I would go do a solo cinema trip later on. Why not take him? Couldn’t hurt right?. So I ran upstairs to throw on some jeans asking him to wait for me at his car and I’d be quick (NO ONE gets inside my place that easy)
We start driving and the movie I wanted to see was on down the road in just over an hour which was perfect for eating sushi first, so I directed him that way. When I mentioned the cinema he freaked out! ‘Is it on somewhere else? A girl I was seeing lives there’.
Me : Wow she lives in the cinema? Insert sarcasm
Vanilla Ice : No… But she lives near there
Me : And you can’t go to the movies there because …???
Ice Ice Baby : I don’t want to run into her she is psycho
Me : (rolling my eyes to myself and adding some sarcasm) So you think that a girl you dated (who is apparently a ‘psycho’ cause let’s face it all women who don’t continue sleeping with a man are definitely Psycho)
will coincidently be at the same cinema at the same time on the same day seeing the same movie as us?
Bad hair guy : Well she lives nearby and what if she sees us?
Me : Who cares?
Me : Gah let’s go to Southbank
(Red Alert!!! Warning signs!!!)
This movie wasn’t on until later there and I didn’t want to spend any additional time with Bad Hair Vanilla Ice Ice Baby Guy so I said it wasn’t on until late and we just went for sushi which I don’t actually even eat but I do know I can order cooked food there that I love. (FYI)
It was raining now and to avoid paid parking we parked somewhere in the next country (urgh) and walked down … Dude, this hair is not rain friendly l!!
I sucked it up
So we chat well enough sitting as the train circled sushi around and he eventually reached for a cheesecake. Now WHO goes to a sushi bar to eat cheesecake? Since when is cheesecake Japanese??? So I asked (after telling him Nooooo) how about we go to Cowch? (Cowch is an amazing dessert and cocktail cafe) Vanilla Ice replied that he had heard about it but not been. Being that I am very familiar with it I was the best person to guide him in his first experience.
We finished up sushi up and move to the cash register to pay for our plates. I said ‘I’ll get it’. I pay for our dinner l.
Off we go to walk down the road to Cowch
We get there, sit down, get menus, I explain how it works. He is unsure what to get so I suggested I select for him which he agreed to and then watched me go to the order area (no table service) and yep, Pay. I paid again.
He loved it
We left and he dropped me home. I got him to drive by my car park entrance and said it was nice spending time with you, good night… Then I got out and went inside.
I sent a text saying thanks again for meeting me.
How did I feel? I didn’t care if I never saw him again. I have no attraction to a man with no assertion. I love a strong man. He never even challenged me over paying for sushi. He did however thank me. He DIDN’T try ‘Well I will get dessert then’ He just went along with that as it was. Now, I’m happy to pay but I want a man to at least offer the opposite.
What I didn’t find impressive was his lack of anything regarding dessert. No attempt to
pay but worse was that he didn’t even say thank you. He did seem to really enjoy what I ordered though.
This next day he text me to ask how my day was and I used that as an opportunity to have some finality. This is a copy and paste of the actual text conversation.
“It was ok
Just worked and just got home.
It was nice to meet you and you seem like a nice person.
I think we are very different people though
I also notice the age difference too
Happy to stay friends though”
“Yeah I was actually thinking the same.”
(To myself) Oh BS you did or you wouldn’t have text me today to ask about my day!
I cheekily responded with
“Oh well Cheapest date for you ever”
He said (and I don’t even understand it)
“Was gonna pay for dinner but didn’t know where to start on the menu”
I just left it there as I have no idea what he was saying! Or trying to say. Or whatever!
I can add to this now
One month later exactly to the day he randomly texts me
Me : I know who it is
Vanilla : Ok, it’s a little creepy now. Shaking it up on the d floor. Monday of is sensational 👍👍
Maybe if he knew the word is ‘off’ MT ‘of’ then maybe I would have understood him better too!
Bring me a real sexy strong assertive man…please??? Someone ???