So, you’re dying to find out what happened after probably the best first date ever..?!
Actually I’d want your opinion and advice so read through and leave me a comment below. Pretty please with a cherry on top 🙂
As you know I’m divorced, I know myself pretty well and I have good understanding of what won’t work for me but sometimes I wonder if I might be missing out on something amazing because of my new-found “no-more and deleted” approach.
I know you’re sitting there thinking what the heck happened!
So, the day after the date I messaged G and said something along the lines of:
“Great to meet you yesterday and thank you again for organising what was possibly the best first date ever! Hope you didn’t get a fine on your car…?”
(When we were sitting chatting, watching the laser and hoola hoop game his alarm went off to pay for more parking. Unfortunately it said ‘you cannot park here for another 59 minutes. Enter a new location number.’ G calculated it would take him about 20 minutes to walk to the car by which time he probably would have gotten a ticket and then 20 minutes back which would have meant missing the Heist game. So he decided not to bother. That also won him brownie points!)
No reply by the evening. That’s ok, it’s not necessarily a text you need to reply to. Although if someone sent that to me I’d definitely say thanks and I had a great time too (unless I didn’t!)
That night I went to a salsa club in London and messaged him saying I was going if he fancied meeting up there: he’d been keen to go dancing together, having lived in Cuba and learned to dance cuban salsa (result!)
Ok, maybe something’s happened.
No, he’s read the messages (I have a love-hate relationship with WhatsApp).
Someone sent me a message on Inner Circle (yes that is another dating app – I’ll tell you more about those another day. Want an invite? Email me: email@example.com) so I open the app and it opens onto the messages with G – my last conversation on there -and it shows he’s online right now.
If you have time to be on there. You have time to reply to me. *RUDE!*
Now the done thing here is to just leave it.
But me being me, I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to be the doormat who allows men (I’m sure women do it too) to continue this disrespectful behaviour. If they don’t learn, they keep doing it to others because they think it’s ok to just ignore people.
Not interested, that’s fine, but say so. Interested? Stop the games and be nice.
So I messaged him. Polite but firm. I didn’t mention that I’d seen him ‘online’. I did say if you have time to read the message, you have the 10 seconds it takes to reply. This isn’t going to work. Wish you well etc.
Number deleted. Messages deleted. (I’ll explain why I do that another day.)
After I finished teaching I had a missed call and a message from him asking me to call him when I had a moment.
We talked – laughed to start with. Then he laid into me saying he didn’t expect to be pressured to reply so soon. Then he said his grandmother had been sick. Then he said, you know I’m self-employed so emergencies happen all the time and so there’s going to be times when I don’t reply.
I let him go on listening in silence. I know what doesn’t sit right with me. He’s setting a precedent here of how he’s going to behave if I let it continue.
Then I said G, I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother. Although that’s something I’ve heard before.
G jumps in, are you saying I’m using that as an excuse?
No, I just said I’ve heard it before. I don’t know whether that’s true or not – I can only go on what you say, but that’s beside the point.
If you were that pre-occupied you wouldn’t have had time to read the messages and I would have understood. But seeing as you did read them you would have had the 10 seconds it takes to reply and say ‘sorry, bad time. I’ll speak to you another day.’ Or whatever you would have wanted to say. It’s a conscious decision not to.
I’m sorry if you felt like I was demanding you respond to me (not quite sure how I did that?!) and if you felt I was being rude.
I understand being busy, as you know I also run my own business and my time is precious to me. I don’t appreciate people wasting it. I had work to finish Saturday afternoon for the webinar I was running Sunday morning but I chose to meet you and then was up late finishing that and up early. It’s a decision I made because I was interested to meet you.
I don’t expect anyone to reply instantly but at some point yes.
G said he would normally reply…probably within a day…that he had a fantastic time and would have loved to go dance salsa. He said it’s up to you. I won’t contact you again, the ball’s in your court.
I’d already decided that was the end of it and he’s cemented that decision. We had a great first date, he’s a great guy but in my opinion he’s still got his head in the clouds and is using the game. I’m interested in men who know what they want and don’t need to be constantly worried they’re missing out on the next shiny girl, or thinking they need to play this stupid game to attract one.
I’ve trusted a lot of men – and instinctively continue to do so – but I have a good BS radar now and will call it when I see it.
A few months ago I probably would have just said ok and then contacted him again. Maybe seen him again. Maybe he would have done the same thing. I’d have got more irritated and stressed out. There’s no point. Dating needs to be fun and exciting!
But then again, it was possibly the best first date ever…
What do you think?